My boyfriend is loving and kind, and we have a strong bond. BUT, he has an extremely hard time talking about his feelings and being romantic, e.g. no buying of flowers, sending sweet texts and few compliments. His actions are very loving and kind (affectionate, loyal, generous, gentlemanly), but sometimes a girl wants to be romanced. He knows it's a failing, but doesn't really know what to do and has asked me to "teach" him. But how can I do that without damaging his male pride and coming across as demanding? Any advice from the men out there about how I should approach it?
2006-10-31 03:56:42 · 15 answers · asked by Karrie O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have the same problem and decided I love him too much to worry about it.I found I had to change my thinking. I have taken him to romantic hotels, nice restaurants, set up the house with candles, and put on a teddy ect. The man does not have to be fully responisble for romance. With some time he has learned by seeing me do things for him. Don't be a door mat, but do some things for him and see how he reacts. And the best way to have a conversation with a man is to use "I" statements (ex. I feel like _____ when I don't get anthing for Valentines Day) instead of "you" statments (you never do anything for me.!!)
Your probably a good girfriend if your concerned about his pride and how you come across. His pride is important, but how you feel is also important. If he has all of these good qualities, you may decide you're fine with scheduling the romantic stuff yourself and living with that one falt.
2006-10-31 04:14:49 · answer #1 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you can't teach him because that would take away from the romantic concept its self. Instead he knows he is failing and he does have a pretty good idea about what romance is or he wouldn't know he is failing. Lets be for real he sees it all around in real life and in the movies. His problem is he is afraid to experiment and try things. He wants some simple pattern or answer, and that isn't romance. He needs to realize that part of what makes something romantic is that often the guy isn't sure what a girls reaction is going to be but takes the risk any way. For instance, all guys know that buying flowers is romantic so why don't all guys buy girls flowers? For one, they think it is ordinary. How does a guy make it less ordinary...the message on the card makes every flower delivery unique, he also over time learns which flowers a girl really likes and that makes it even more special. However, he has to take the time and make the effort to do this and learn. That is the way it is with romance...you don't always get it perfect every time but you learn, you learn what you woman loves and you spend your life constantly learning more and more about the things that make her feel special and loved.
2006-10-31 04:03:49 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I think you just have to tell him what you want. If being romantic is very important to you, then you should just tell him. Or you could pretend you were researching something on the Internet and just happen to "show" it to him and maybe he will get the hint. If you boyfriend is really interested in you, tell him things that you like and that you would like him to do for you. If he doesn't know that you like romantic things then he won't go out make that effort. But don't be to upfront... you know the male ego.
2006-10-31 04:04:08 · answer #3 · answered by sarsbaby4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a man but maybe this will help. Try doing some of the romantic things that you like for him. If it's a sweet text message send him one and maybe he'll send one to you in return. If it a candle lit dinner than make him a candle lit dinner. He just may enjoy the romantic gestures and realize that they are the type of things that you enjoy.
2006-10-31 04:09:36 · answer #4 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that's something that can be changed in a person. To me he sounds romantic already, the most important thing is that he loves you. I'm sure it can get frustrating sometimes but you might have to accept that or just initiate on your own at first and who knows maybe eventually he'll start noticing some things. Good luck.
2006-10-31 04:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by toburheroine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have him read Ian Kerner's book She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
Then you read Kerner's He Comes Second: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man.
2006-10-31 04:03:16 · answer #6 · answered by KIT J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Romance should be something that is from the heart, and is a reflection of how he feels about you or the emotion one feels when they think about their mate. I don't think that it could be taught. Now, he can go to the book store to get some ideas.
2006-10-31 04:00:14 · answer #7 · answered by wrtrchk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Study a chart of the human brain and find the area of male inhibition! Then carefully smack him there with a 2X4 as hard as you can. That should loosen him up!!
2006-10-31 03:58:01 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try wooing him instead. Gifts, flowers and everything
he likes. maybe he learns or if he does not accept him
as he is for he may be better than many who goes by
the artificial way of showing love. GOD BLESS.
2006-10-31 04:05:09 · answer #9 · answered by ANU U 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant teach a man to be romantic. Its like teaching an old dog a new trick.
2006-10-31 03:58:52 · answer #10 · answered by Clock Watcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋