First time parents are crazy!?

Question

I now realize after just having our second how neurotic we were with our first. We would panic if he made a peep and gave him everything he wanted. I see parents act like that and want to tell them to relax! I think my second one will benefit more from learning to be patient and more disciplined and independent. Does anyone agree and did you experience the same thing?

thanks for the lecture Mel73, but I am not saying that I neglect my second or love her any less than the first. Letting a baby cry for 10 seconds before giving her a pacifier or bottle because you are changing the other child's diaper doesn't mean I am not giving her the love she needs.

Answer 1

My first baby I didn't know what to expect or what I was doing you know I bought a ton of 0-3 months clothing in designer names too by the third baby I didn't even buy 0-3 months clothing and most came from consignment shops. I have learned that when bebies cry they need somthing if there quit let them be, I am not norotic anymore becuse all my children have survived even though I have used trail and error.

Answer 2

There is a web forward out there explaining the differences between each child. It's cute.

For me, we did a lot of things with my first that we didn't do with my 2nd and then the twins. With my first, the instant a bottle, pacifier fell on the floor, it was washed an sanitized. With the others, it was wiped off LOL.

We didn't leave him with people very often either. I was the same way when my girls were really little, but after that we had no issues letting my mom watch them. I only called once to check in instead of 5+ times too.

I just think you learn things with your first and you adapt more with the next child. You find out what things you really need (like toys, swings, etc) and what you can do without.

Answer 3

I was an older mom, I had my first at age 37 and my second at 39. When I had my first baby I didn't get all worked up like some first time moms did. I had read a lot of books and taken care of friends children for a long time. I don't know if was the age difference or what. I just sort of "knew" what to do. I don't know if I am explaining it right to you. But my experience was great.

Answer 4

I know exactly what you are going through, I have been there...So many nights waking up from a dead sleep because the baby made a sound, looking back in time.....I saw myself running around with my head cut off with my first born...my second was different maybe because I learned from the first time but still was cautious just not as over whelming as the first..and each time you have another if you decide it gets easier and easier, but every child is different and you just learn something new ALL THE TIME.

Answer 5

Mmm, I can partially agree with you. First time parents, such as myself hehe, do tend to go a little bat$hit when it comes to the baby making noises and crying.

But, the main thing that I am going to emphasize is that during the first 6 months of life, if you tend to your baby everytime s/he wants something, you are installing trust within your child. The baby is helpess and cannot fend for him/herself, so they NEED mommy and daddy around to get them what they want, since crying / whining is the only way they can say "Hey!! I need help!"

Whatever people tell you about spoiling the child is, in a way, technically correct, and technically incorrect. The only way your child will be able to trust you is if you tend to their needs when they call for it. You cannot spoil a child on LOVE.

But... please don't think I'm "damming" you for your choices with your second baby, because I'm not! =)

Answer 6

Yes. I did the same exact thing and now that I have my second baby I'm much more relaxed and confident in my parenting abilities knowing that my daughter is turning out fine thank G-d. Being a first time parent is scary but every parent goes through and hopefully learns from it.

Answer 7

I totally agree. I was much more relaxed with my second too. I guess it comes with experience. Nobody could have told me to relax with my first one, it's something that you have to learn on your own. When I see how neurotic first time parents are now, I just smile. If they ask advice I give it, but if they don't ask I don't (unless they're doing something dangerous, but that's pretty rare). I used to get tired of people giving me their 2 cents all the time.

Answer 8

I was very much the same way with my first child. Now that I have two, I seem to discipline them both more and I think they are both benefiting from having a sibling. I definitely think that my youngest has a stronger personality than my oldest because my oldest was so protected and my youngest has been able to really become strong willed!

Answer 9

I acted that way with my daughter, I was doubly crazy since not only was she my first child, but she was born premature. Talk about panic if so much as a sneeze or sniffle was heard. And God forbid she ran a fever. With my son, things were so different, from him being full term to me not freaking out if he gets the tiniest of colds. Both kids are happy and healthy, and I learned to chill out, thankfully.

Answer 10

I don't have kids, but having worked in an environment full of parents, I can say that I have observed the same thing. I think it's natural because parents aren't sure about things. But I'm glad you've recognized it and have decided to change your ways. Good luck!