How to make my nine yr old feel better?

Question

My son is 9yrs old, he is not a fat kid but kinda stocky and short like his dad. He is very outgoing and he loves to sing really loves to dance and is active in school and goes to the Boys and Girls club everyday. They had a dance class last night and someone told him to "sit down fat boy" this hurt his feelings and he just sat down the rest of the class. When I fixed dinner later he only at 2 bites of food cause he says he want to lose weight. I dont want him starving himself and I told him he is a lil chunky but he looks just like his dads body and this just may be his body type. I tell him dont let no one take away your joy or deter you from what u love to do. This hurts me alot cause I know hes a good and active kid What should I do as a parent? He is goin to middle school next year will this tauntin get worse? Help + He is my only kid Ive never dealt with this stuff before?

Answer 1

My son is the same way and the clothing manufacturers don't help either. They say it's a size for a larger kid but when they put on the pants they are SOOOOO long. My son went through a phase where he didn't want to wear jeans because he said they made him look fat. He didn't look fat but someone at school must have said something to him and he took it to heart. I think he hasn't seen that person in a while though because he recently started wearing jeans.

Explain to him like he's an adult that kids in school are cruel and that what they say really don't matter, no matter how much it will hurt now, when he becomes an adult it won't. That there are many different body types and that these different body types are one of the things that make us unique and the human race beautiful.

As far as the other kid in the dance class, what did the dance teacher do about it? Was that kid reprimanded for speaking like that to your son? That kid should have been told to sit out of the class that day and your son made to feel even more welcome inthe class. If not you should have a talk with the dance teacher about it. When a kid acts up in a class that kid should be told or reminded (cuz who knows what the parents are actually teaching kids nowadays) that this is incorrect behavior and he will be punished for it. She may not even know that this kid said something, but if she is a responsible teacher she will have a talk with the whole class.

Good luck with your son.

Answer 2

At this age, you don't want him to lose weight as much as you just don't want him to gain weight. I have a 9 yr old son who sounds a lot like your son. And I know that it hurts when someone hurts your child. The best thing you can do is what you did. Just make sure he stays active, make sure you offer him healthy foods and snacks. You might want to talk to his doctor about it. If he's not really overweight then the Dr. can show him where he falls on the growth chart and if he is overweight then the Dr. is really the best person to get advise from. Try not to take it too hard when kids tease, sometimes kids are just mean for no reason. But do be aware if your son is getting teased a lot. It is less common, but boys can develop eating disorders too, and even if your son does need to lose weight, he still needs to eat.

Answer 3

I have a son that is also 9 and he is the only chunky one in our family. He's tall and chunky. He's the size of a 14 yr old. With our Hispanic background, chunky kids are celebrated so he's grown up not knowing that there was anything different about him, so when kids at school started picking on him, he didn't understand. I asked my son if he wanted to get up in the morning at 6:30 and go for a run with me. We also run in the evening. Since we've been doing this, he's lost a little bit of weight and he feels better about himself. Try working out with him. It will help. I wish our families lived close to each other, so our sons would have sympathizers.

Answer 4

As a former fat kid, I can tell you there is little you can do other than to be there for your kid with all the love and support you can give. If he is dead set on losing weight, you could look into what would be the healthiest way to do it and the healthiest weight he could be for his height. Also, limit the junk food around the house and encourage him to exercise. In a few years, when he hits puberty, he could hit a growth spurt and end up an athletic heart breaker of a guy all the girls would like. Finally, remind him that people can be cruel but just because someone says something hostile and harsh to him that doesn't make it so.

Answer 5

He will probably lose his 'puppy fat' when he hits his teens, but in the meantime, maybe get him really involved in food shopping and preparation of food, dont obsess about fat content, but show him how to make some really great healthy meals.

Its good that he does active stuff, make sure he keeps this up. Maybe do some kind of activity with him, cycling, swimming, badminton, tennis etc, something you can both enjoy and help him stay nice and fit.

I know that telling him he will probably slim down as a teen wont help him, he wants results now, i expect, just make sure he doesnt get fixated on faddy diets etc.

One little comment can really hurt a kid of that age, they take it to heart so much, as a mum I can understand how you must be feeling, but as long as he has good guidance from you & his dad, and understands that he is no way overweight, its just the way he is built, etc im sure he will be fine.

Kids are so prone to peer pressure, they just want to fit in and be the same as everyone else, its not until adulthood that we find ourselves, so it must be so hard for him, as long as you carry on the way you are telling him not to let people get him down, I think you are going along the right path.

Its not easy having kids, is it? xx

Answer 6

I think teaching him to be happy with who he is is the #1 thing. Your Pediatrician will tell you where he falls on the "norm" for weight. Some kids are just bigger made. I have 2 boys that are string beans, and then my third is a chunk. My third was 8lbs15oz at birth, and now, at 5, he is 68 pounds. Bue he is not fat. Sometimes his brothers tell him hes fat when they are mad at him, and it hurts his feelings too, but he ISN'T fat, just a different build. Since he has ALWAYS been on the top of the growth chart for weight and height, his pediatrician is not concerned. He is VERY VERY active and healthy, and I don't worry. I tell him God made us all different, and HEALTH is what matters, not how your body looks. I think in this age, when kids feel so much pressure to look like someone on tv, we need to be extra good at making them be happy with who they are.
All that said...if your sons Dr. is not worried, if he is healthy, and there is no concern over his health because of his weight, if he is active and doesn't just sit infront of the TV all day, then I would just try to instill in him that he is wonderful just the way he is. Everyone is made different, built different, and looks different, and that's what makes us all so special. :-)

HTH

Answer 7

My son is the same way and he is 12 now with his weight going up and down . He is 12 with a size 42 waist and a size 14 wide shoe. Approximately 5'11''. He has heard it all. He feels better when he mentors younger children which makes him feel better about himself. Kids are going to be cruel no matter what size, shape, color. If you want he can chat with my son sometime or to become pen pals.
Maybe sometime let your son cook and plan the meals, you may be suprised. Also tell your son that if he tries to starve himself his metabolism will slow too. He may have a thiroid problem. Or just take him to a nutritionist which will make him feel better.

Answer 8

Well he's going to either have to stand up and be counted or sit down and be laughed at. A body is only to hang your head on so your making to much out of it for real. so is he. He is either a leader or a follower it sounds like yesterday he followed I hope you told him as much. sounds like you did.My daughter was chunky and guess what she did whatever she felt like and she didn't care what anybody thought. He isn't his father he is himself so he needs to come to terms with his weight. If he doesn't want to eat then don't force it on him. Kids only eat as much as they really need these days they over eat and that is the truth. So he loses a couple of pounds let him it won't kill him ya know. Tell him maybe it is a good thing for him to try a diet of sorts and then sit down with him and decide what is the best route to take. Take him to the doctor and make it very plain to the doctor what is going on and that you want a reasonable diet with which he won't get ill but can lose some of the extra pounds on. Guess what he won't do what the doctor tells him to do and if he does I will be amazed OK. he'll go back to being himself and then tell him guess what the next time somebody cuts you down stand up and tell them who cares what you think you have so much smarts why are you wasting your breath cutting me down.

Answer 9

I think what you said to him is really great. Although we can't always protect our children from bullies outside of our home, it makes a kid feel better to get positive reinforcement from home. Tell him that whenever someone talks bad to him or picks at him, that person is just jealous because he ain't the same. Let him know that he must constantly be on the other kid's mind for the kid to keep saying things to him. Then tell him if that doesn't work, punch him in the lip and shut him up!! Just kidding about the last part. If your son is a good boy, there will be others who see the good in him and that number will outweigh the number who make fun of him. Tell him there will always be ignorant people in the world, and he just can't help them all... Good luck and tell your son to keep his head up and let his light shine despite the bad talk.

Answer 10

I'm sorry you are dealing with this...sometimes it hurts up worse as parents than it does the kids. We hate to see them upset. You are doing the right thing by telling him not to let those insensitive people bother him. Just keep him active and healthy. Can you sign him up for dance classes, since he loves to dance this would be great exercise and something he loves to do? Middle school is hard, unfortunately.