what to do with daugter?

Question

we have a 17 year old daughter who has made many bad choices in her life. we have five other children, three of which are young boys. she is on probation and has been dating a 20 year old boy who we thought was very nice. we felt their relationship was positive but recently found out she was pregnant. we also found out our step daughter who is 15 has been having sex, and we punished her by grounding and have ordered they only date at our home where we can supervise. she, luckily, is not pregnant.

the stepdaughter feels it is unfair we punished her but did not punish the older daughter.

i feel we should confront her and lay out some ground rules on behavior and dating now she is pregnant but my husband feels we shouldn't bother her now she's pregnant and she'll get her rewards when she has the baby and tries to raise it.

i just am looking forward to having a life with my husband some day and not raising another child.

comments?

Answer 1

Oh, hmm wow...

Well, I think that you did the right thing by grounding the 15 year old to supervised dates at the house. Your 17 year old, I know she made bad choices (I'm not saying that her baby is a bad choice, babies are never bad choices), but she goofed up and is going to have to take on a big responsibility at a young age. I can understand where the 15 year old feels it is unfair, but she has to realize it is for her own good because raising a baby is a BIG responsibility and your 17 year old will soon realize that as well.

I think you are on the right track with the 15 year old. When she starts helping out with the new baby it might change her mind about the whole sex issue. I wish you luck, and I hope I was SOME kind of help to you!

Answer 2

The only thing grounding your 15 year old will do is to cause her to sneak out when you're not looking and run around until she DOES get pregnant. Since the oldest was only 17 at the time of conception has anyone looked into the laws regarding statutory rape in your area? She was impregnanted by an adult and if your states deeds that one has to be 18 in order to be considered an adult then you might be able to charge the 17yr old's boyfriend with statutory rape, which could land him in prison for a couple of years (doesn't matter if the sex was consentual, if she was underage it is still against the law). Also YOU allowed her to date an adult when she was still a child. Her PARENTS are just as responsible for her actions as she is. It is far too late to confront the 17 year old about her actions the "damage" has already been done. I don't know what YOUR rules in your household are but at 15 MY daughter was not allowed to date, our rule was no dating until she had a driver's license, there has been no trouble with dating. But you and your husband (and the 17 year old's other parent) made YOUR choices, now you have to live with the consequences.

Answer 3

The 15 year old is having sex but has she been protecting herself against STD's or pregnancy? Most likely not. This is the true reason why SHE is being monitered. Intervention is extremely important when a young girl takes on the responsibility of having sex without any protection. She is truly irresponsible in not protecting herself & as her parents it is your duty & right. Maybe there is a counselor (school, priest) you can speak with in order to seek help with this situatuation. It may be difficult for you & your husband to defuse this on your own. Go get help, it is only in the best interest of this girl's future.

The older girl is already pregnant. Why should dating rules be laid down for her - isn't there any future relationship with the father of this baby? This should be decided very soon for the sake of the baby. At least financial support should come from him for the baby. Again, there must be a state agency where help with this situation can be had. I would want all the back up I could get. Your expectant daughter should be eligible for state aid as far as food, prenatal care & postpartum care. Look into these options & get your daughter into these programs ASAP!
You should not feel as though you need to shoulder all the burden in "straightening out" these conditions. Help is out there for both girls to learn how to make better decisions for their own future. Sometimes these life lessons are heard better from strangers. Peace to you & best wishes for a happy & healthy outcome.

Answer 4

if a 17 year old is pregant - you (the parents) are partly to blame.. its a hard pill to swallow but with 5 kids I am sure she felt left out and turned to get love from somebody else...the 15 year old is obviously doing the same

if both you and your husband work - one of you needs to quit or switch to part time and spend more time at home with the kids.. although this problem has been years in the making you can try to do some repair... make sacrifices so you can live on a lower income.. (cell phones are the first to go.. and do you need a new car that you need to make payments on or will a $800 one be better?)

you need to sit down and talk long and hard to the 17 year old one.. if she plans on keeping the baby and being a family.. she better start thinking about moving out.. seriously.. otherwise I would council her on abortion or adoption - it isnt fair to any kid to be born to an unwed mom.. who will likely be dependant on welfare or the kindness of others... so really REALLy talk to her and have her make a decision she and you can live with - put the child first - too many people become selfish and want to keep kids without thinking what is best for the tkid... -

so that is my thoughts... do with it what you will

Answer 5

I feel like you husband is right. I was 17 and not too bad of a kid when I got pregnant. But no matter wheat, when you have a child, especially at 17 you HAVE to change. You HAVE to grow up, take responsibility. My son is now 3 and I am 20. I dont go out, i dont even have time for myself anymore. But it's worth it. There will be days however she'll feel like she cannot make it, that shes a bad parent and YOU as her parents will have to be there to pitch in and support her. I hope i have helped. Good luck!

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel I was a "rotten egg" so to speak I have three beautiful sons turned my life around know I run a medical office and feel that I can actually give my story to those that just seem to feel helpless and hopeless. Hopefully when your daughter becomes a mother she is a great one and gives all to the child, They say you are either a mother or you're not.
As far as your 15 yr. old I would really try to intervene and find out what the problem is with her because she is searching for companionship and attention in a negative light. That is when I started lashing out on life

Answer 7

sounds like u r going threw alot right not, i wish u the best of luck and hope things work out for u and your family. i know things seam like they couldnt get any worse but just remember that they could, so even though things seam bad just be thank-ful that u do have all of those people in your life. because some-day they wont be there and u will have wished that u handeld things differently. i know your daughter is young, but u know what, that was her choice, and now her life is the one that is in for a major change. just think what u r getting out of it, you are going to be getting and grand-child that will bring u joy for many years to come. i put my parents through the same thing, i got pg. at 16 and u know what at first they were up-set, but now that she is here, they cant imagine not having her here. people make mistakes, thats a part of life. jsut dont be to hard on your daughter, she needs u now more than ever. she is probably feeling scared right now, and your support and love is the best thing u can give her.

Answer 8

Why would you let your 17 yr old date a guy that old?She is setting an example
for her younger siblings even the boys.Try to get more involved and teach them how to be strong independant young people.If their relationship is
meant to be the 20 yr old guy can wait until she is of legal age.Get them involved in something positive and try not to dwell too much on the mistakes
they've made,You can't change what has already happened but you can always show them that you love them and accept them no matter what.

Answer 9

I think you have your hands full and I would tell the boy guess what shes pregnant so now you can either marry her here and now and give my grandchild your last name as any good father would also he better have a place for them to go because she just became his problem not yours any more. If they are old enough to have sex then they are old enough to take on all the responsibilities that go along with this act. You are both now adults so act accordingly. As for the 15 year old tell her guess what just because she got pregnant doesn't mean you OK ED it and it isn't behavior you approve of. lay down the law and stick to your guns!

Answer 10

This may be hard but you really need to talk to them both about safe sex and the consequences of having sex not just getting pregnant but sexually transmitted diseases. Show her some pictures of what they look like ill tell you that will scare her enough to thing twice. You can get some information from you doctor or try her teachers at school.