I have finally spoken to my close female friend(she's decided to reply finally) and we are meeting on Saturday. We are going for a walk in the country and then to a country pub for dinner.
How do I bring up the subject of 'us' especially as she see's the subject closed. Do I tell her how I feel about her, give her a ultimatum?Surely she can see that our friendship is something more. How can i get her to open up? For her to say how she's really feeling?
What if I told her that I really wanted to kiss her? Should I try to hold her hand?
Help! Want to resolve this....
2006-10-31 02:21:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
PREVIOUS INFO:
My friend has told me that my close female friend believes that I’m dating another girl, who's quite a looker and that she’s happy for me! At the same time, she has been acting weird (feeling down,tired,can't approach other blokes) towards me, gone cold, not wanting to meet, not saying much, practically ignoring me!!!-didn't have argument/falling out. Is she feeling jealous? My behaviour towards her has not changed since I’ve ‘started dating’ this girl, only her’s towards me. A coincidence?
Does this show that she actually fancies/has feelings for me?
p.s. I’m not dating anyone, the looker is only a friend who I don’t fancy at all, have feelings for my close female friend.
What can I do? I don't want us to drift apart and don't want to lose her! Help...
2006-10-31 02:22:12 · update #1
PREVIOUS INFO:
The last time she opened up, she told me that:1)She cares about me a lot,2)thinks about me a lot,3)can only open up fully to me (no one else), also told me many personal stuff from her past 4)really enjoys spending time with me (one on one),5)she only wants to txt me at certain times,i.e after a long day/travelling home. When I told her I felt the same (as above), she said she don't see me in that way and nothing more would happen! Couldn’t give a reason why we’re not together.
2006-10-31 02:22:38 · update #2
She has said there's nothing there-how do I get around this?She also said this is resolved...
2006-10-31 02:37:29 · update #3
Wow, that really is a lot to go at and there's a lot to consider. But I'll have a bash (and yes, I see you've only asked for girls to answer, but they'll tell you what to do for your friend's benefit, not yours!).
Unfortunately, it is quite legitimate for girls, to tell you all those things and still not want to be your girlfriend. This is because girls, compared to guys, have a far greater capacity for coping with - and encouraging - very intimate platonic friendships.
For guys it is more difficult, because if a girl tells us all their secrets, wants to spend time together and says they care about you, it can feel like being in a relationship. But make no mistake: no matter how emotionally intimate it gets, you are no where near being in a boyfriend / girlfriend relationship.
Nevertheless, you decision to go on what you think is a date is a good one and going out just the two of you is a great way to find out if you want more than just a friendship. However, you have to make sure that she also knows that she has agreed to go on a date with you before you go. That way, you don't need to grab her or declare undying love halfway through because you will both be clear about why you are there. So far so good.
However, if she finds the idea of going on a date with you ridiculous or unappealing, then you are wasting your time with the whole thing. It is then up to you to decide whether you value your friendship over your sanity.
If you want to keep her as a friend (and she's doesn't want to be your girlfriend) you have to stop going over and over the does she / doesn't she question and forget the whole thing.
If you can't forget it, then you do have to be honest and let her be the one to decide: you as boyfriend or not at all. Make girls do some of the hard work for a change!
2006-10-31 03:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by bingo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say...her behavior could be because she really likes you and wants to be more than friends and didn't realize it until there was the perceived possibility that someone else had snagged you away...or it could be that you are her "backup" plan or a "you will do to hang out with until I meet the right guy" and she is bummed now that she is no longer the center of your universe.
By all means, try broaching the topic of her feelings and your feelings, but if she stands firm on it being a closed subject and you are just friends and she does not want to be anything more, then you will only be torturing yourself if you want more and she doesn't and you need to be prepared to follow through if you give an ultimatum...you may end up having to give up the friendship.
2006-10-31 10:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i think the your feelings are mutual. So, your date on Saturday will really open up new avenues for the both of you. First, you should tell her that you are not seeing anybody and the looker she thought you were going out with is just a friend. I think this is the reason why she still feels a little aloof with you. But one thing is for sure, she is in love with you and since you like her too, i see no problem in being open about it. so, just be honest about how you feel and when she sees that you are truly sincere about it, then i think she will open up to you. Good luck! or rather congratulations!
2006-10-31 10:32:03 · answer #3 · answered by j6shawie26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are walking and talking casually grab her hand to hold it. If she lets you hold it then things should go as you want. If you don't like that idea, try putting your arm round her and seeing what happens. If she lets you do these things then you may be able to kiss her but I wouldn't push it too far. Maybe she just isn't ready for the serious relationship you two would definitely have. It seems she may be down because she thinks you are in a relationship. This is a good sign. You have to let her know that you aren't. Just keep trying. Things will work out.
2006-10-31 10:32:17 · answer #4 · answered by country girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in quite a predicament eh? Well, the hard part is over, she has agreed to meet you. I think you should just tell her the truth about this looker friend who you are not dating. Make sure she is clear on the fact that you are not dating this other girl. I think if you get that out in the open the rest may not be as hard! Just be honest and not too forward with her, girls love honesty in a man! Good luck x
2006-10-31 10:25:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to be absolutely honest with her - it will be hard but something alog the lines of how you know you are riskig the friendship but there is something you have to say. Tell her you are not dating the other other girl that you couldn't date anyone when you feel the way you do about her and that while there is any chance of the two of you getting together you don't even want to think about anyone else. That you are tired of games and that you just want to know honestly how she feels.
2006-10-31 10:32:36 · answer #6 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be honest with her, tell her how you really feel from what you have said here i would say she possibly could have feelings towards you. Dont be afriad to tell her though because if you dont you will always wonder what might have been. If it turns out she does want to be with you thats great but dont preassure her give her time just be there for her whatever she decides good luck and let us know how you get on
2006-10-31 10:29:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it slowly. Whilst you're walking, casually hold her hand, or link your arm through hers. Be attentive, a little flirty, but not too serious; you don't want to scare her off. Don't give her an ultimatum; people don't like that. I hope you have a really great time, and that things go the way you want them to.
2006-10-31 10:25:52 · answer #8 · answered by F 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her how you feel. If you dont say anything then you will never know for sure. She could be feeling the same way you are but doenst want to say anything. Break the ice tell her and see what she says. You might not hear what you want to hear......but then again she might say she feels the same way. Go for it, you could regreat it later if you dont.
2006-10-31 11:26:38 · answer #9 · answered by kissedwithpeace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cool it! Don't put any pressure on her. Your friend will have told her you're not really seeing this other girl. She's told you she doesn't want to see you in that way - if she's changed her mind, let her show you that. In the meantime, enjoy her company.
2006-10-31 10:50:20 · answer #10 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋