How Do I "Just Get Over It?"?

Question

My ex died last weekend. We have a 5 yr old son and we had nine years together. We'd made peace with a lot that happened over the years and were very close up until the day he died. I miss him terribly. My mother says I should stop crying, get over it, move on. But how do I just get over losing the man that has meant everything to me? He was my friend and the father of my child. Any advice guys? I'm really hurting right now.

Answer 1

First, minimize time spent with someone who would say that to you period, never mind when your grief is so fresh. You just need to sit with your grief and let it be. Take good care of yourself and be there as best you can for your child. He will really really need you now. Time will lessen the grief, but it often takes lots of time. Don't let anyone tell you "how" to grieve as there is no right way. But grief is as universal as love and you and your son will eventually find a "new way" -- but you won't forget and you won't get over it. But you WILL feel better one day. Good luck to you and your son. Remember, take it easy on yourself. Losing a loved one is very, very difficult.

Answer 2

Excuse me with ALL due respect. Your mother is a heartless poor individual. For telling you to stop crying, get over it, and to move on.

It is going to take TIME. The death just HAPPENED last WEEKEND, you and him spent NINE years together. You need to find love and support from some other than your mother.

You should allow yourself to CRY until you just can't anymore. You will be able to continue on with your life. But it is going to take TIME. I know there is no comparison. But it took me 11 years (at least it did not effect me this year) to get over the death of a loved one.

I have always thought that death, and a broken heart were the worst things in life to experience. You have to deal with BOTH of these at once. I know it has to be HARD. I wished I could help you more. But I do not know what else to say.

Just be there for your son.

Answer 3

Awww im sorry to hear about your loss. Your mom sounds like no help at all. You will not just get over it. You might have to cry for months before you feel any better. Crying is good for you,,,you are not suppose to hold it all in. It may take yrs for you to feel better,,,it will happen on your own time. You will nevr forget him,,hes the father of your child. And the best thing you can do is to be there as much as you can for your son. Can you imagine the pain hes going to go through as he gets older not having his dad there with him. You have got to try and be strong for your son,,hes going to need you more than ever,..As far as your mom dont listen to her,,everyone has thier own way of dealing with a loss. And again im sorry for your hurt and pain you are going through.

Answer 4

It's not that easy to get over someone you loved n that give u the greatest gift n life, " a beautiful child." But just remember every time u look at your child u will always see a part of his father in him. It's gonna take a while to get over him, but try to enjoy your life, don't just sitting around stressing yourself your child know when something is wrong with they're mother. Eventually everything will fall right in place. I wish you n your child the Best of Luck!

Answer 5

well I know its hard to loose someone that means alot to you I lost my father when I was 16 and know I am 25 there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of himwe did not have a good relationship we did not have the chance to make peace with each other before he died in fact I did not know he died until 3 days after and that is what hurts me the most just be glad you could make peace that is the most important thing and god bless you for having the strength to do that

Answer 6

There is no such thing as just getting over it. You will always remember that person and the impact that they had on your life and the life of your child. You have to allow yourself time to grieve. Your mom should be more understanding or maybe it is just her weird way of dealing with it. Sounds like she has issues. Anyway just know that you are not alone. People care. Don't dwell on death but rejoice and think about the time that you spent together. Be thankful that you were allowed to have such a person in your life. Good luck.

Answer 7

Oh God i feel so horrible for you.For any1 to say to you Just get over it is wrong. Its gonna take a while and everyone is different.You know the old saying time heals all wounds,well that is pretty much how it goes.You need support right now.Cry all you want its good,I know your pain very well.People are so insensitive,Honey its gonna be awhile this is not a case of just get over it.Dont push yourself take all the time you need. The first 6 months are the worst then gradually it starts to get better.You must be young and you still have a life ahead of you.Be patient with yourself you will get there,Good luck to you in everyway and God Bless You and your Baby.

Answer 8

I am really sorry for whatever happened and its alright to cry sometimes specially when something like this happenes and dont listen to what ur mama says u know what he meant to u, its alright that he wasnt in ur life now but once upon a time he was so its perfectly alright to feel hurt and cry, u should , dont try to just get over it no ......... just remember only u know him the way nobody knows so nobody will feel what u feel for him

Answer 9

Well honestly, I don't think your mother knows how to react, except she is seeing her child in pain, which I am sure you know how that feels, but you can't just get over it. It will take time and even then you will have memories that will bring a tear to your eye at times. Good luck, and give yourself some time, you will cry for awhile, it's perfectly normal.

Answer 10

I'm sorry that you have had this experience. Griefing is a long process, and one that can't be avoided. There is a web site that I thought was helpful..."towardthelight.org" that you may want to check out, and I'd also suggest checking the local library or bookstore for books related to griefing....especially those related to widows/losing spouses/significant others, etc. I will be a long while before you can accept this loss....and you may want to seek out other support systems (talk it out w/friends, try a group therapy session on griefing, etc.) Read as much as you can to arm yourself with information to help yourself and be kind to yourself. Good Luck to you.