why do some women keep going back to the same abusive partner?

Question

when they know that the partner is abusive even physical

Answer 1

because they think they can change them.

or

lack of self confidence

or

they think the guy will realize after she's gone how bad he'd been and he would start treating her right.

And guys that abuse women are useless breath of air that's taking up space...and women who allow themselves to be treated that way is much the same,

Answer 2

It's something you really can't understand until you've been there. It's truly not a black and white subject like some people want you to believe it is.

People (men are also abused) who are or have been in an abusive situation have usually been isolated from everyone and everything they once knew. They usually have no money and have been kept from the work force for a prolonged period of time. Not to mention it's really hard to find the courage to return to a public environment when you've not been allowed to participate for so long and you've been told over and over how no one wants you or wants to deal with you, how stupid and inept you are, etc.

Few people are able to get out of the relationship successfully. Fear of retaliation to you, family and pretty much everyone you know can keep you paralized. Most have no one left in their lives who will offer help in any manner. Some have been in abusive relationships their entire life (starting as a child) and have no concept of a healthy relationship. Also, it's hard to admit that you're in an abusive relationship to others as no one wants to believe you and there's a stigmatism attached to you once you admit being in an abusive relationship. It's something that very few will ever get past.

Please do not think that only uneducated, under privileged, poor people get into an abusive relationship. Many are actually well educated and you would never think they were the kind of people that would allow themselves to be abused. The problem is that the abuse starts to subtly (usually mentally) and increases in intensity over a period of time until you find that you're trapped. It's like you suddenly wake up one morning and wonder what the hell happened. BY that time, it's too late to escape. You're stuck in the web and it's hell getting out. Many of the deaths related to domestic abuse have occurred when the abused spouse is attempting to leave or when they've been found.

Another common misperception is that drugs or alcohol is always a part of domestic abuse. While it can play a key role, most abusers are stone cold sober when they abuse.

A good site to give you a better understanding of the various types of abuse as well as fact sheets with warning signs is Get the Facts... http://www.endabuse.org/resources/facts/

Answer 3

Because of the abuse, whether verbal or physical their self-confidence are broken down. They feel worthless and has no self esteem. Some even feel they can't live without their abusive partner and they deserve the abuse. Some believe this is what love is. The problem though is that both partners in such a relationship or marriage have a psicological problem. It happens in all racial groups and religions.

Answer 4

I stayed in an abusive marriage for 22 years. Seldom was it ever physical. Why?? Fear, scared that I couldn't take care of the kids alone, husband had me feeling so unworthy, like I could never do anything right..I started believing it! I also really loved the man, and felt that I made my bed, and had to lay in it so to speak!
When the good times were good they were SO good, but when the bad started outweighing the good, and his anger, and affairs became out of control, and I worried about how my kids would treat their spouses, and marriages, I knew it was time to go.
Easy..no WAY, but with counseling, going back to finish school..while 2 of my kids started as freshmen, at the same University life came back to normal.
Yes, we still talk, for the kids sake, yes, he has re-married 4 times, and I once..but I have learned how to be a stronger person, and have value in myself, and my daughters learned how to stand up and do the right thing..my Sons, well they don't talk to their Dad much..but they both have lovely wives, and are making things work.

Answer 5

Its not just woman who repeat history men do it also. But it simply comes down to a low self esteem and the thought of "they do love me". Some men are so abusive that a woman is scared senseless that if she leaves he will seriously hurt her. Having been in this situation many a times before all I can say is its a combination of a low self esteem feeling you dont deserve better and a fear of not finding any better and maybe getting a worse punishment. I know it sounds bad but I will also tell you its possible to let it go. I left my abusive partner for the sake of our daughter. I know I shouldnt have stayed as long as I did but I now stay focused on at least I got out and my daughter and I are happily on our own... Hope that answers somewhat what you are asking.

Answer 6

I guess some woman go back to abusive partners because they either fell lonely because that person was with them for a long time and the abusive partner made them believe that they will be nothing without them

Answer 7

women love hard, and most of the time they cant leave because they dont have the resources. abusive men are so good in making sure that it will not be easy for women to leave. also, they have a lot of fear. Abusive men do not only abuse physically, but also mentally, emotionally , and psychologically, and you have to consider if there are any children involved. So you see, its not that easy unless you have experienced this kind of situation.

Answer 8

their abusive partners have made them feel like they can't get love from anyone else and that they are the ones that have something wrong with them. It's a tough cycle to break

Answer 9

they keep going back for many different reasons. They are scared. The men have them believing that noone else will want them. They have low self esteem and the guy is "SOMETIMES" nice to them. Sometimes it's because they don't want to take their kids from their dad, or because they don't want a broken marriage like their parents....there are many reasons why, but I can't answer for all women. Let's just hope that they will wise up before it's too late and leave those l osers.

Answer 10

Being an RN with much psychology in my background...Women such as this, lack self esteem/confidence!!! Add theres the co-dependent gig of the relationship!!! Which is most often seen in Alcoholic relationships. This is actually an illness/syndrome!!!

I also owned a "Gentlemen's Club" (Yes, a Topless Bar) for over 24 years. Many of my girls/dancers stayed in relationships as this!!! They would come in, beat up...Leave the guy for a day or, two...The guy would buy them something as simple as one single rose...Hence: Right back to him!!! "Many" women whom chose this co-dependent lifestyle, we're NOT shown proper love in their formative years!!!

Such a sad, sick, vicious circle!!!

Answer 11

My mothere has been married to my dad for 35 years now, she has seen all the lows of life, its a mystery why she has stuck on to this horrible man who abuses her and beats her even now. I guess some people are made differently, and God knows she has loved him with all her heart , may be thats why she cant let go.