been 2getha 4 1\2 years not married, got 1daughter together aged 31\2 ive got 8 year old boy 16 year old girl both live with us.
for past 6 mths he has been watching porn any chance he gets, even on odd occasion we have sex! he looks at women undressing them with his eyes even wen im with him,,he has always had bad temper but he is starting to get violent with me, he has started to shout at kids over nothing, it feels like hes got a split personality.when hes nice its great to have him around, but lately i cant wait till he goes to work, i really do love him to bits but cant stop thinking hes having an affair, i have asked him but denies it. other than put a tap on his mobile or follow him what can i do?
2006-10-31 00:56:13 · 17 answers · asked by thunderball 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to pay more attention to yourself and your kids, this man is going down hill for some reason. Start learning something that interests you; maybe he will respond to you differently when he notices you "growing". Tell him there is no way you will put up with his being violent w/you or the kids, that you will call the cops or leave, then do whatever you threatened him with! Empty threats are futile, they hurt your position more than anything else. Make sure you look good when you are with him, so that he can't say that you pushed him into watching porno, looking at other women, etc. It's not easy with kids to be able to take yourself seriously & keep yourself as a priority; but try. If he wants to yell, tell him that you will listen to him, but only if he "talks" to you. You can tell him that you think he is unhappy, what is he worried about, how can you help, etc. Show him that love you are speaking of, leave yourself blameless in his eyes. I doubt he is having an affair right now, you'd notice he'd be gone more & he probably wouldn't have the need to watch porn so often, if he was happy sexily. Go to him when you want to make love, don't leave it to him and when he is "horny" that's no life! If he remains violent, hateful, yells in front of the kids, get the heck outta there!!! He is a terrible example of a human being for your precious children, don't teach them that this is a good sample of a "good, loving family man" for he is not a man! He is an animal. Take charge of your life and your kids lives, learn a profession, get out on your own. Become brave! It's easier said than done, but start towards your goal now! Take care, watch your kids faces whenever he is mistreating you or them, it will help you come to a wiser decision than what you are currently doing.
2006-11-01 22:18:35 · answer #1 · answered by Cyndy B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cannot answer if he is having an affair the things he is doing don't seem to point to it, but what hes doing isnt good. He is treating you bad and once violence starts that is a bad sign. I would talk to him ask him if he is ok and has he got any problems. Explain you dont like him shouting at the kids and that it will alienate them towards him if he carries on. Maybe he is feeling trapped now and porn is a release rather than cheating on you. But i will say this because I know from experience I wouldnt want to be with a man who is bad tempered and violent especially around my kids. If talking to him doesnt solve the problem I would cut my losses and get out. Its only far for your kids and although its hard to do (I did with 4 kids) it might be the best thing all round for you.
I really wish you well and i hope that talking to him sorts out your problems I really do, take care.
xxx
2006-10-31 10:43:27 · answer #2 · answered by looby1967 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have more important issues to think about than whether or not he is having an affair!!!!! He is getting violent with you, and you have children living with you in the same house. What is your daughter who is 16 learning from all of this? Except that it is acceptable to be mistreated by a man? And your 8 year old boy, is he learning to be a future abuser because he sees it and Mommy doesn't do anything, so it must be alright? Split personality? Sounds more like he has also developed a substance problem...get out asap. If not for you, think of your kids.
2006-10-31 01:04:07 · answer #3 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for? Do you really find it good for you and your kids to maintain that situation going? I know how hard it is to move on and start taking control of our lives again. But do you really think you can still have a healthy relationship with this guy?
His cheating you is just a sign that things haven't been going right for some time. His needs for sexual drives is a bad symtom that his focus in life are not you or the family you have together. What kind of example are you setting to the kids? Do you want them to surrender to their most basic needs and drives, or you want them to learn how to set goals in life and work out so that they become successful people? You can start setting the example. Why don't you look for counceling and help?
2006-10-31 01:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by eliana s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont know if he has got someone else, but he sounds like he doesnt want to be there anymore. Tell him to leave, or suggest a trial separation. He may get whatever he needs to out of his system and it may make him realise not to take what he has with you for granted and he needs to grow up and be a man and father.
Perhaps see if you have changed, as he certainly has. Try watching some porn with him and ask if he woud like to do that sort of thing with you (if your confortable with it). You say what he is doing and saying and what you think he is feeling, but what about you? What do you want and what are you feeling. You need to take control of this situation as he wont.
2006-10-31 01:04:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is alot of maybe's. Maybe he is having an affair, maybe he is under stress or worrying about something but honestly Honey, I think he is just not that into you anymore. Move on to a better life with someone who can appreciate you more. Don't waste your time tapping his phone. You will only get more hurt! Leave the SOB.
2006-11-01 00:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps he has problems at work and he is taking it out on u and the kids
Try and talk to him about it .. if he gets angry with him point out this is exactly how he is with all part of the time and that the realtionship cannot continue if he continues this way
A lot of men enjoy looking at porn and to be honest its how u feel about him looking at it rather than him actually looking at it
If he continues to be violent around you u have no choice but to leave the realtionship as u have to realise that he is damaging the children and this is unfair of you and the children
i do hope things improve
all the best
2006-10-31 01:05:07 · answer #7 · answered by kirsty d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may or may not be cheating but he sounds a horrible person to be around, and it is extremely unhealthy for the kids to have to live in such a way. How can you 'love him to bits'? You love what he used to be like i think, not what he is now.
If he cant/wont talk about what is up with him then you need to leave. Dont let the violence escalate or you wont have the strength to leave. Get help now.
2006-10-31 01:01:47 · answer #8 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sound like he is on drug (the double personality )
before you accuse him of anything
see if a doc have prescribe him any med laletly or is he taking aniything over the counter, he might not be COCAINE OR CRACK
it can be a prescribe med or something he is taking like a vitaming
my husband was prescribe a med to help him (he was whizzing like asthma) and everytime he took the med he personality change took him to the emergency and have them stop the med
the next my sweety was back
pay close attention to what he is taking
before you accuse him
Good Luck
2006-10-31 01:03:38 · answer #9 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who cares If he if he is having a affair If he is screaming at the kids for no reason then he needs to go.No one needs to live like that .My ex-wife acted like that and she was having a affair poor guy ended up with her too.Good for me and bad for him.(let someone else have your problem, it is a lot easier in the long run) find some one to treat you right.
2006-11-02 01:10:49 · answer #10 · answered by ga44male 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋