hi there..i lost my wife last year?

Question

two chldren girl 14 boy 11 with severe learning probs...i now drink too much and smoke too much not in front of the kids but how can i stop this because if i carry on they wont have a dad either..im so lonley

Answer 1

Gary,
I am sorry that you lost your wife, I can't even imagine how lonely it must be, and how stressful it is dealing with the loss and trying to raise 2 children on your own, but killing yourself isn't going to solve anything! Drinking and smoking, are not only bad for you, but its bad for your children as well. You need to stop doing this to yourself.
Do you have family or friends, who can help you?
If you need to talk more, I'm a good listener.
: )

Answer 2

.You recognize your problem, that is a good thing. Next you might try a support program for your drinking and smoking because stopping both will be very hard but it can be done. If it were me, at least I would hope to do this, think about your children every time you go for a drink or a cigarette. I would get into some strenuous exercise daily if possible. Next select a person you are friends with and ask him or her if they would be your pardner and what I mean is every time you have a craving you could call this person and just by calling it might keep you from doing it. Also it might be helpful by taking a walk or just get outside when you feel the need to drink or smoke. I hope this will be of some help.

Answer 3

you know you need help and good on you for seeing what is out there,,,can the social services give you places to go without the children so you can get some respite? ask for some!! if possible get a sitter and go see a friend,,you need at least one change to happen and even if it isnt huge,,any change from routine will benefit you. do you and the kids go out a lot,,walks,parks,,just playing together in any way you can,,you cant drink and smoke all the time and even if you spend an hour doing something else,its an hour not spent indoors drinking alone.although understandable,you are right to be concerned about the drinking,,you wont be able to cope with much if you stumble over unexpectedly and cant care for them because of a broken foot.you need some 'you' time as well,,,,get a hobby,even if its a quiet read in the library,,its something,having a cup of tea alone in a cafe,,doing some gardening,,making something for the kids,,small steps can reap great rewards.i wish you luck.

Answer 4

Losing your loved one is a tough one to handle. and being left with a couple of kids to raise on your own.. They have people that can help out with the kids and there learning.. Need to get in contact with someone to show you what they need.
As for your drinking and smoking problem.. you are already on the way to quitting both of them because you realize that you have a problem.. there are programs for people with both problems.
Now that you know what to do step up and take control.. It is time to get on with your life..Stay off of the drinking.. and spend the time with your kids helping with there home work.. stopping drinking is the easy part the cigs will take some work to quit . Because cigs are a habit not and illness. I smoke when i drive.. i smoke after i eat something.. figure out you habit parts and get rid of them first and soon you will find your self cut way back on the cigs also.. then it won't be so hard to stop..they also have the patch to stop or gum to stop smoking..If you can figure out your habit cigs.then with the gum to help with the with draws of it you should be able to quit .. nothing is easy unless you want to do it.
Get some of your friends together and have a nice dinner or something and relax.. Just have someone there to talk to.
your family will be some good support and help with the kids.if you have family close by..
Have you had any alone time..? Scedule in each day some much needed alone time.. you will need it to cope with the kids and just the daily stresses from work and the grieving process .
You will make it fine.. you know your problem areas.. time to get up and start taking care of them. good luck

Answer 5

Dude, my heart goes out to you.

Be afraid for your kids. I grew up with an alcoholic father and he was never ever abusive but he was never their either. He'd be drinking himself to the point where a half an hour after super he was a sleep on the couch. He was verbally and mentally abusive to my mom though and that hurt and left me scarred. When my mom was dying of cancer she said she wished she'd had more time with my dad because in the last year he'd started drinking less and was good to her. He realized that she was a great woman when it was too late.

You have to get a handle on your feelings, I know it's hard, I've been battling depression for years, but this is not about you it's about your kids losing their mom and also their dad to the drink.

As far as your son with the learning disability I suggest you get with a good naturopathe. I've known personally 2 kids that autistic like dispositions and by changing their diet they improved greatly. I got out of my depression by changing my diet and taking the right supplement. don't leave your son to conventional medicine they won't do much to really help him. Also you have stop drinking and you have to stop drinking and build a safe comfortable environment for your kids where they can feel relaxed. Trust me no kid ever relaxes around a drunk. There's always tension.

Oh and also , for your son, a routine is very very very important, because he needs to feel like he knows or is in control of his day.

Dude, trust me I know your pain but when you realize that it's not about you you'll find the will power to kick yourself in the @ss and stop the drinking and smoking.

I hope some of this helps. I don't believe in Jesus or God much but I will send a prayer up to my mom for you. She's been a pretty good angel.

Answer 6

Don't hurt yourself anymore. Stop the drinking and smoking. It's a bad example to your kids. Did you stop to think about them? They might be feeling as lonely as you are.Make them your priority. Live for them, love them, be supportive, get yourself busy with them. Help them with their home work and problems at school. Be their dad. It's bad enough they don't have their mom anymore. Kids grow up fast and you gonna loose this precious moments with them. Cheer up. God must have a good plan for your life. It's time now for you to teach them how to get over adversity. Drinking it's not the answer. Good luck. God bless you and your kids.

Answer 7

You just answered your own question. They need you and don't need to lose their father too. Only you can change what your doing wrong if not for yourself for those two children you have. I'm sorry for your loss and I realize how lonely it can be but at the same time you not only lost your wife but the children lost their mother. Your the adult and you have to be there for them. I know it's terrible on your but think of how hard it has to be for children losing a parent. Good luck to you ;o)

Answer 8

The kind of pain your going thru makes any advice sound like a waste of time.
I respect the fact that your concern is running towards your kids welfare and not your own. This shows character.
Think of it this way....your wife is watching and hoping you'll do right by her babies. 2nd...she would also want you to start living again. Do it for them but, also do It for yourself.
Good Luck

Answer 9

Hey..u asked the question, but it seems u know the answer. Best is contact your dearest and trustworthy friends or relatives, lt them take care of the kids till u join a rehab and come out clean

Answer 10

you have depression and you need to get yourself to a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication and counsel you. tell him/her what you feel and why you drink. this way with medication and dealing with your depression you can feel better so that you can be around for your kids. have your friends come over and keep you company otherwise this is a cycle and pretty soon if you don't stop your children will one day be in your place drinking their problems away and you won't want that.