We want to have a baby.............?

Question

but i suffer with depression and anxiety and im worried that i might not cope very well. Im 26 and very scared about the whole thing! My partner is extremely supportive but im worried that i may become down and reject the baby.
Any advice or words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated x

At the moment im taking Prozac for the depression, but i know im going to have to come off it when im pregnant, but i dont know how ill cope without it

I also had a bad childhood and bad relationship with my mother so i dont want to mess up the babys head like my mother messed up mine

Answer 1

are you seeking medical help? if you are I would talk to your doctor.. some women do very well with babies despite depression but it all depends on how bad you get and if its under control.. good luck

Answer 2

You have some legitimate concerns, and just the fact that you're willing to consider the child's welfare and not just what you *want* indicates that you certainly have one of the main ingredients to being a successful parent - a desire to only be a parent if you can be excellent for the child.

The first thing I'll say is that your pregnancy might be difficult without medication. If you decide to have a baby, you should be closely monitored by friends, family and your doctors. Many women in your condition make it through their pregnancy and come out on the other side as successful parents.

I, too, had a very difficult childhood - parents who had sooooo many issues I laughingly say that they actually had several subscriptions ;) But you know what? I'm so in tune with what I do and say to my kids now. I make a *lot* of mistakes - every parent does. But I recognize the mistakes I make and I apologize to my children - and then I work to better that aspect of myself.

Once the baby is here, you can go back on your meds (of course you wouldn't be able to nurse, and while I think that's the best thing for a baby, it's certainly not abusive to formula feed LOL!)

If you can overcome this fear (and you know what? *every* mother has the same fears as you - EVERY ONE!) and decide to pursue your dream of a child, just plan on having a lot of support from your partner, your family and a well-qualified doctor or two.

There are no hard and fast rules for parenting - but if you take care of yourself and put your child's welfare first, you will be wonderful.

I know a woman who is bi-polar. She has two children. Just recently, she found herself in the position you're concerned about. She had a big setback and yet her first concern was for her children. She actually considered leaving her home and checking into a residential treatment center to make sure her children didn't end up on the wrong end of her disease. She was able to stay with them because she spoke with her doctor and he adjusted her medication - and went into intensive therapy with her for a while.

If you really don't want to give up your meds, you can always consider adoption.

I wish you the best. Talk to your doctor about your fears - he or she will be able to give you good clinical advice on this. Women with depression have children everyday, and your childhood doesn't mean by any stretch of the imagination that your children will have the same childhood.

Blessings to you.

Answer 3

You can take prozac when pregnant. It's the safest alternative to your worst fears - for you and the baby. You can try to go without it, but if it's too much go back on it. You never know it could be a completely different experience than you think! You won't reject your baby, no woman (in her right mind) can. It does take a few days to get used to them, but that's about it. Talk to more moms about it, it'll make you feel much better. My sister is bi-polar and was on meds for all 4 of her children. They are all fine (so far, so good). My youngest was 20 weeks gestation when I went back on the pills. Just do the best you can, no one will judge you for it. Pregnancy is your own journey, it'll be unique. Even at the worst of times you are glad to have experienced it. (Except for the bad stuff.)

Answer 4

Don't worry. But make sure this is what you you both REALLY want. I had all the same worries as you. I've suffered from depression and panic disorder for a long time. Becoming a mum was the most testing factors in my life(and its been a tough one). I found it sort of healing, it took all the focus off my life.
When I was pregnant I went to see a councillor, this had never really worked before(this time I had a reason). My mother also suffered from BAD post natal depression, which was passed on to me.
I'm not saying it's as easy as it sounds, but good luck. I would love to speak if you need to, don't hesitate to e-mail me xx.
PS you don't need to come off the drugs, there are lots of them that are safe through pregnancy, pls speak to your doc xx.

Answer 5

Firstly well done for stopping and asking this question, not just to us but yourself. So many people just have children without thinking about their circumstances and end up struggling rather than enjoying their children.

In my opinion I think you should wait, it's great that you have a supportive partner but you need to feel ready.
I'm sure it wont be easy and I cant advise how you would do this but ideally you need to get better first.

I do not suffer from depression but I do have many issues I need to deal with. All of which I cope with from day-to-day but like you this will effect me much more when I have a child. I'm not ready to have children yet but I know I will be in a couple of years (I'm 28 now).

So, I'm dealing with my issues one day at a time, slowly but surely. I will know when I'm better and when I am truely ready to have a child.

Take care x

Answer 6

You could always go and see ur doctor together with ur concerns, its really good that u both want a baby, and this should reassure u on the matter of coping. Having a baby could help u deal better with ur depression, because it will help u to focus on something else, and because u want one helps too... by thinking negative by the whole thing, could bring u down more, look on the better side of things, and let urself get excited of the prospect of being a mother... it will probably be good for u.

but seek advice from ur doctor, if you are in any real doubt.

good luck and will be thinking of u.....

Answer 7

Then again you might not and having such a big focus in your life might get rid of your depression you just don't know so don't worry about things that haven't happened yet or may never happen, inform your midwife of your problems and then she can look out for any signs along with your husband. I have suffered from Depression and am also trying for a baby so I have concerns about post natal depression so I have talked it through with my partner and he is going keep an eye out for any signs and then I will go straight to the doctor

Answer 8

take Prozac for all ur life, and u will not get better.
I was suffering depression, i went to a good Chinese doctor, and they medicine treat this problem in 2 week!!!! and since then, 3 years already, i am still without depression.
Change the diet to vegetarian diet also helps a lot.
And if u want a child, eventually you will love her, it is instinct, but it is possible that you may behave as u mother did to without you know it, so than you need to be alert and ask your partner to tell you when u are behaving out of you own nature. good luck.

Answer 9

I have battled depression since i as teenager and i know that is not pretty but i have to two children now and yes i still get depressed but they light up your world so much that depression is lifeted easier these days.After my firts child i did have severe post natal depression and i wanted him to go away but i got helped and my condition was recognised and i got over it so hunni if u want a kid dont let your depression stop u and if u feel like your are feeling overly depressed go to your doc cos he/she will understand and will put u on right rd .

Answer 10

I do think you should try and get your problems sorted, you need to look after yourself before you have the responsibility of looking after a child, of course a child brightens up your life but there is also times where they will stress you out with all the attention they need at a young age.
i doubt you would actually reject your baby.
and you are at a good age to have children so good luck and i hope everything turns out ok for you.

Answer 11

Hi

i'm dawn, i'm in the same boat as you. I suffer depression and i'm currently pregnant now and i often wonder how wud i cope. My husband reassures me that we will cope fine and that he knows that when i feel down with the depression he leaves me to calm down and just checks on me occassionally. if you fancy discussing this more perhaps you'll be interested in calling me, texting me or even emailing me. my details are:

Mobile [phone]
email: [e-mail]