Is it o.k. for my ex to sleep with someone to "even out the score"?

Question

I cheated on my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We are trying to work things out but he thinks that the only way he can forgive me and put my cheating behind him is by sleeping with someone else. He says that it would "even out the score" as far as us having sex with the same amount of people within the time frame we've been together.
I was o.k. because WE BOTH AGREED that he'd get it done and over with so we can start the healing process but he's not. He's putting so much thought into who he wants to have sex with and when. Now he's telling me that there shouldn't be any restrictions. He said if he wants to have sex with someone I know then he should be able to because I did.
What should I do? Should I let him do what he wants because I cheated or should I not even bother trying to work things out?

Answer 1

i got lost on the "ifs" and "thens"

sounds too complicated. get out of the relationship, sounds too much.

thk him for everything, and both of u move on

ps. out of curiousity, why did u cheat on him?

Answer 2

Just ask yourself a question why did u cheated to begin with. If u are happy with your relationship or you are truly,deeply in love with him that wouldn't happenned. So at this moment you are felt guilty for what you have done, and the thought of losing him in any minute, that's why you agreed to WHATEVER HE SAID. And that is he gonna get even. In my opinion, this is not the only solution and it won't be at peace even though he got what he wanted after all, it is just an excuse for him to do it. He gonna throw it in your face everytime there is an argument, and he will said 'cause u started it and u have no saying if he will do anything wrong in the future. If he really wanted to give the relationship another shot, he will give u another chance to prove to him in alot of different way that u have learn from your mistake and make sure that 'll never happenen again ever to regain the trust. That's doesn't mean he will forget everything that u did and forgive u but hopefully in the long run if he sees u truly feel sorry for what u did by prove to him that u have changed then who knows. Well, my point is LOVE is compromise and understanding one another, not sacirfy. It's hard to glue back a broken mirrior.There always a crack on it. You'll know what i mean. Good luck to u.

Answer 3

Is he really your ex now or are you trying to maintain some level of friendship?

Personally, I would put an end to it all. Yes he's hurt bc of what you did. He has reason to be. However, multiple wrongs don't make ANYthing right.

Further, it doesn't sound like he wants or is trying to get it over with (the revenge sleeping around), forget about it (your cheating), or forgive (you or what you did).

He's trying to torture you for whatever reason and you shouldn't stick around and let him make you his endless target.

I don't think he'll ever really get over it; he doesn't seem capable for whatever reason: He's a super jealous
guy, he's vengeful by nature, he's insecure so he keeps you on pins and needles and now gets to control you and the relationship, _____fill in blank. You know him better than any of us and so can fill in that blank.

Consider one last ditch effort to work this out and go to couples counseling if you just don't want to walk away now and count your losses. If he's not willing to go, not making a real effort in the sessions and out of them, or if things just don't seem to be turning around, pack your bags and move on bc he never will--at least as long as he's keeping this hanging over your head AND YOU LET HIM.

Set a deadline on how long you'll work with him and stick it out--6 mos., 9? Stick to that deadline. Otherwise, he will only corrode your self-esteem and the insanity has to end at some point, some where along the line, and if he won't end it, you should! Doesn't matter whether you're trying to maintain a friendship with him or get back together.

At some point or other, regardless of the current status of your relationship, it has to stop mattering what you did and what he's continuing to threaten you with. The insanity just has to stop.

Good luck..

Answer 4

Don't even bother .. its far below you to play the "game" any longer ..
as was said here two wrongs do not make a right ..and instead of looking into the reason that you *gasp* CHEATED you had to have done it for some reason
.. he is more wanting to even the score which is just an excuse to *CHEAT* and not a very mature one at that ..


If your relationship stands only on the fact of his evening the score then it is bound not to last .. as nether of you have solved what brought it on in the first place

Answer 5

Neither one of you seem mature enough to be in a relationship. Very childish, wreckless, selfish, and insincere. I am not sure if either of you can really see what is at stake here. Who is going to bring a sexually transmitted disease to the table first? Maybe a pregnancy? You could think you have things worked out and one of his other girlfriends ends up pregnant. What then? What if you end up preganant and he runs off with the new girl? You both need to refrain from any relationship until you grow up. Who can grab the easy sex on either one of your behalf is terrible and to think cheating again will resolve anything is psychotic. Don't worry about what he does for now just step back and refrain from any further attempts at a relationship or dangerous sexual encounters. Get your neck bolts tightened before any more attempts at this game you are playing with your lives.

Answer 6

are u sure he even wants to sleep with anyone else in my eyes he is trying to hurt u and its working OK so u cheated but why the hell have u said he can go do the same thing if u cant work the relationship out with one of you sleeping around how are u going to do it if u both have if he loved u enough he would forgive u i have forgiven for my ex cheating on me and i did not turn round and say well to even the score ill sleep with someone else forget him move on

Answer 7

I dont think that you should let him. I think that the reason he is putting so much though into it is because he wants to make sure that when he does it-it will really hurt you. I dont think that him sleeping with someone will help him 'forgive' you. He is just hurt and he wants to hurt you back. Thats just human nature.

He should be able to forgive you without doing it if he really loves you. He should be happy that you love him so much that you told him. Most people would have just kept it to themselves.

You have to do whats best for you and this is just what I think but I do wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

Uh, no. He either forgive's you or he doesn't. "Evening out the score" won't settle anything. He'll always give you a hard time about what you did and vice versa. Talk about why you did what you did and if you had a good enough reason to be with someone else for a minute, maybe you shouldn't be with your "boyfriend" at all.

Answer 9

It CAN be alright for your ex- to sleep with someone to even out the score, but the trouble is the scoring system is so difficult.


It's worse if it's your best friend, or your sister or whatever.

And of course you didn't do that to him

BTW - if he's your ex- why are you keeping score? Just move on! Don't bother trying to work things out. It'll be petty.

Answer 10

well thats a tricky question seeing that you cheated on him as well. But i dont think he should cheat on you as well just to even the score. If he does then he doesnt really love you and you two arent mean to be together anymore. he is just using the excuse coz he is hurting, but it wont mak ehim feel any better and will just worsen things between you two.

Answer 11

no! lmao!
he just wants to get his leg over someone else!!!this is such a childish thing to do, hes trying to hurt you bad! how much you hurt him.
i think this will probably end your relationship as he is carefully thinking it all out, but then again you shouldnt have cheated on him in the first place! so good luck for this relationship! you will definatly need it!