I've been with my boyfriend for a year, and love him with all my heart. He is very sweet, showers me with time, and I'm happy with him. Yet, he cheated on me with a crack addicted stripper while I was sick, in his bed. I then found out he cheated on me with men. He's been downloading devient porn on my computer, too, and he lies about it. He continues to lie. I realize now, he has a serious problem--a sexual addiction, which he's had for years, and he kept hidden from me during the time I grew to love him. Now I am faced with the truth, and it's SO hard to trust him. I recently found he's been sending messages to girls online, telling them how hot they are. This triggered me to feel a lack of trust again. I told him that I needed him to get help for his addiction, or I couldn't be in the relationship. I've seen some improvement, but the behaviors continue. I love him, and want him to get help--I really love the person I have come to know...but not the addict. Should I stay or go?
2006-10-30 17:26:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yo, dump him now, you deserve better. he seems like a major pervert.
2006-10-30 17:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by Brian S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, if a sex addict (which, by the way IS an ACTUAL addiction........not just a name given to someone who has sex alot.......it is soemthing that is dysfunctional, causes disharmony within one's life, even contributes to loss of jobs/relatiionships/self etc.) then maybe, dear, you should ask yourself if you'd have the power to stay with an alchoholic.
It is the same thing. I know that because it's SEX that is FEELS so much more personal but if it IS indeed an addiction, the poor guy needs help. That's not to say YOU need to give him help. But you certainly MAY if you like.
The porn part isn't REALLY an indication of an addiction as normally functioning sexual beings watch "crazy" porn and it IS healthy..........the part that makes an addiction an ADDICTION is when the thing one is addicted to it INTERFERING wiht life/job/love/self. Ex. don't go to work because you HAVE to have sex all day.
You can offer to help your sweet man if you can.........but, dear, you may not be enough if it is truly an addiciton. He will need therapy and may not know who he IS when he's finished.
You can choose to be his friend as hard as that would be for you.....so you can check in on him from time to time but save your heart from being hurt further.........
Good luck, friend.
2006-10-31 01:37:11 · answer #2 · answered by miss_princess_goddess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he actuall gotten help for this? Is he willing to? If he's not willing to get help then you need to get him out of your life. I think from what you've said, he's proven that he can't do it by himself and if he doesn't get help it will never stop. He won't wake up one day and realize what's going on with him. And you certainly don't deserve a cheating man. Every man/ woman should hold their partner on a pedistal and he's not doing that with you. He's going to other people for fullfilment. It's going to hurt but the longer you wait the harder it will be. I would say if he doesn't want the help-leave him.
2006-10-31 01:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by latte 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your life is in danger. Remember that when you have sex with him, you are having sex with EVERYONE he has ever had sex with! Including the crack-addicted stripper. (Is this post for real?)
Dump him. Fill your days with volunteering at soup kitchens, shelters, nursing homes, anywhere the people are glad to shower you with time.
Your guy deceives you as his primary communication method. Don't ever stay in a relationship five minutes after you find out something like that, whether the deception is about sex or tiddlywinks. But especially about sex.
2006-10-31 01:35:44 · answer #4 · answered by nora22000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woman, if you have any brains, leave him NOW. Why are you staying with a man who cheats on you and lies?
Go and get an AIDS test also, because if he cheated on you with a crack addicted stripper and had sex with men, you are at risk of contracting HIV or any other STD.
2006-10-31 01:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by Marti M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do this(buy a cute little puppy the four legged ones (no pun intended) are therapeutic! & women to women take the garbage out.....dump him....now save yourself from mental distress of someone who clearly enjoys what he's doing ....you can't change anyone but yourself.....take a trip.....vacation....treat yourself! ....keeping him will only drain you like car parked with the lights left on...driver comes back from mall shopping and the stinking battery is shot....now driver must get a jump ...untill the purchase of a new battery is made....stop trying to keep this relationship on life support .....get...a new battery.....! There's nothing wrong with you driver....its.... the dead cell= battery your driving around with!!!!!
2006-10-31 01:54:06 · answer #6 · answered by mema 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, read what you wrote like it was written by your best friend...what would you tell them to do? You love him, and want him to get help.....well, maybe you leaving will wake him up and make him decide to get some help. You can't fix this guy, you have to get out and hope he decides to fix himself
2006-10-31 01:33:46 · answer #7 · answered by Scott T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but since I've been there (almost), I'd say RUN, don't walk in the other direction. You deserve better, and he won't change unless he wants to.
2006-10-31 01:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by dallygirl89 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him... You know that's what will save you pain in the end. You can't trust him, and he hasn't (and won't) change. Good luck.
2006-10-31 01:29:34 · answer #9 · answered by ftz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out now while u can....this problem can be life threatening.....it could scar u for life....he doesnt care what he screws, just as long as he gets off...good luck
2006-10-31 01:32:01 · answer #10 · answered by sherryw_1978 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋