anything guys can do to convince them one way or another? We have been going out for a few months now, and things are, or were, getting serious, then she just pulled back. We've been able to talk finally about all this, and it comes down to she is just torn between what she wants. I am pretty sure she got hurt BAd somewhere back, and apparently isn't past that. We have dropped the L word on each other and I know when "one" of her says it, she MEANS it, but the "other" her is so scared of...I don't even know, getting hurt I guess. Just give her space right? We had a real deep heart to heart tonight (inc. a teary kiss goodnight), how long would you wait to hear from her or call? A definite outcome would be better than worrying about whatever outcome is, well, coming.
2006-10-30 16:51:34 · 18 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
....but we've -all- been hurt before.
wait a week.
take care of yourself, go on a mental vacation.
you need to heal from this too.
as soon as she realizes that she is running the risk of losing you, she will wake up and realize that she has been stupid.
...and if she is still afraid of you hurting her, find someone who is not afraid.
2006-10-30 16:55:39 · answer #1 · answered by sharrron 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When a girl says she is torn the best thing you can do is give her time and support. She probably has been hurt so you need to show her what a great guy you are so she knows she can trust you. You guys obviously have good communication which is key. It might be hard to wait for her to call but letting her come to the decision herself would be better than presurring her. It sounds like you really care about her and are looking out for her best interest so keep up the good work!
2006-10-30 16:56:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She just needs you to prove that you aren't going to hurt her in any way. This may take a lot of time, but if you think that she's worth it then talk to her about slowing things down. Tell her that you DO love her, but that you think its in her best interest that you slow down the relationship and all the talk about love and ask her what she thinks about that. If she goes for it, then just give it a little bit of time and DO NOT cheat on her or even think about hooking up with anyone. If she doesn't want to be with you for a couple of nights, then JUST talk on the phone and do something to let her see that you REALLY care and that you're not going to force yourself or her into a deep, scary commitment. Soon enough she'll realize that you do love her and that she doesnt have anything to worry about. But don't give up on her, just give her time and talk to her - she just needs to be sure that she can depend on you and that you aren't gonna run off like the last guy.
2006-10-30 16:56:20 · answer #3 · answered by curiousone 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I had the same thing happen to me. In my situation, it never got resolved. She chose to remain "torn". We drifted apart, she got married, I got married, we met up again years later and all the sparks were still there. Problem was, now she was "torn" between her husband and another guy. As soon as I popped up in the picture, she was torn three ways. After some polite "good byes - nice to see yas" I was outa there. Maybe some women just can't ever be anything but torn. Good luck.
2006-10-30 17:03:33 · answer #4 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Quit being such a wuss and go after what you want. She does needs some time to figure out her own feelings but don't wait too long. I'm sure she appreciates your sensitivity but she wants a solid partner too. Besides, you don't want some wishy-washy chick. Life's too short for that. I'd give her an ultimatum after a few days.
2006-10-30 16:56:44 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She has no reason to be torn if you've been good to her. If there are trust issues here, then she's not mature enough for such a deep commitment as you have. She may need years to be ready and able to trust you. If you're not prepared for that - move on.
2006-10-30 16:54:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just give her the space she needs to work things out for herself because obviously she has problems that you can't help her with and is better for her to work them out in her own time and in her own way. you shouldn't put a time limit on it either. you will ust have to wait til she is ready. if you try and rush her you might drive her further away and could end up losing her altogether. so just be patient.
2006-10-30 16:56:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry, that is all you can do..... if you feel she is worth the effort and time, then give her the space she needs to come to grips with what ever she is feeling that is holding her back... at least she is honest enough to admit there is a problem and not just stringing you along....as for the time limit, only YOU can set that.....God bless
2006-10-30 16:58:44 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd wait a little while to contact her. Def giver her space, and tell her you'll take it slow, due to the circumstances. If you push her, it'll end. Maybe relax on the "love" thing too, she knows how you feel, and during these times, you might not want to enclose her.
2006-10-30 16:54:36 · answer #9 · answered by Bobby 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
yeah just give her some time, let her know you are supportive, be gentle, dont push. sometimes its hard to let go of the hurt from the past.
2006-10-30 16:58:40 · answer #10 · answered by hamhead 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋