To spank or not to spank?

Question

What does everyone think about spanking kids? Especially if a time out doesn't work on the child? We believe in the old saying, "spare the rod, spoil the child..." Our son is still in pull-ups, so the spankings don't hurt him, but the sound shocks him.

I spank him only when necessary. If he darts off and I can't see him, then I spank him (once i locate him). Also, if I've told him no twice, he gets smacked on the top of his hand- and he has to hold his hand out to me for the smack, at which point, I hit my hand more than his, creating the noise, for minor infractions. For things he does, that if continued would cause him or someone else (his little sister for example) harm, I will tell him that if he doesn't stop, I'll get his butt. He either stops, or continues, at which point, I pull him aside, and spank him. Only when he deserves it. I have been complimented many times on how well behaved he is in public, especially when we're out to eat, and he's only two.

Answer 1

First of all, there is a huge difference between abuse and spanking.
I was a very rebellious/belligerent child. Putting me in my room didn't work; I would defy them and walk right back out. Everyone spanked me... my grandfather said that he spanked me more than all his children and grandchildren put together. I believe if they had not spanked me, I would have ended up in prison or worse. As it is, I have had zero infractions of the law in my life (not even a speeding ticket). But, they also gave me lots and lots of positive reinforcement (that is just as important). I love them with all my heart and I'm so glad they wailed on my bottom... I really needed it. You just have to be consistent!
Those people who give those rubbishy arguments against spanking don't have a clue. I have a super high self-esteem and spanking didn't teach me to hit... I got spanked for hitting people. Look at how the children are ending up these days. Just how many school shootings, violence, rebellion, etc. have we had from children who were not spanked? As people quit spanking more and more, these things will continually go up more and more. Just look at the statistics from back in the days when people spanked. Spare the rod...

Answer 2

Spanking only teaches a child that it is okay to hit when one is angry. Since YOU spank I can pretty much figure that YOUR parents spanked you as a child. I broke the chain of spanking with my daughter. Never spanked her, she did not dart out in front of cars because whenever we went out she either behaved or she didn't go out again. She spent nearly 9 months of not going ANYWHERE with me because she did not behave at the mall. My question...how do you KNOW the spankings don't hurt your son? Maybe not physically but emotionally you can't be so sure. If you want to teach your child that it is okay to hit then fine, continue the spankings, however I will guarantee you will get called upon it at pre school or elementary school because he hits classmates, or he will wind up beating on his own children when he is older. There is NEVER any reason to hit a child. If you feel you MUST resort to hitting I suggest taking parenting classes.

Answer 3

I have only spanked my kids twice and that was a short, quick swat. I think if you find you have to do it more than a couple times, its not working and you need something else---its too easy for spanking to become hitting especially as they get older and dreadful things come out of their little mouths lol. Make the punishment fit the crime. Every child is different. For some the scolding of your voice is enough. Some don't like to be moved into their room away from the action. Some love to be in their room all alone playing for hours on end.... The point is, your parenting style will change as your child grows. Read as much as you can so you have realistic expectations...children are childish and selfish, its what they do because they haven't learned anything different (yet). Try not to take them personally. Let your no be no. Never punish in anger. Take care of the basic five: safe, fed, rested, reasonably entertained, educated. Until age 4 or 5 they really can't manipulate the situation (some even older). Your greatest ally is consistency. I used 5 house rules: (1) No hitting/hurting; (2) everybody plays or nobody plays (3) no front yard, no electronics (4) everybody sits at the table for eating (5) bedtime is not negotiable. After my neices were born, I added (6) no potty mouth. Time out works if its done consistently...but you can't give in to the tantrums. They have to know that you mean it (even if you have to go into another room say a prayer and tell God how much you love them and don't really want to punish them). Believe me, your investment now will pay big later when your friends kids are acting crazy and your kids know how to use utensils at the table (I wish I was joking). Good luck to you. Remember too, you are the mom. You really do know best. God gave the little bundle of joy to y ou. What works for me might not work at all for you. God Bless.

Answer 4

My wife and I chose to spank our children when necessary. It worked well for our children. There were self-imposed rules though. The offense had to be egregious and previous punishments did not work. There was generally great drama surrounding it so as to effect the greatest result mentally from the child. We never spanked a child in the presence of another child or others at all. The length was typically very short and the pain factor probably laughable. Never used a paddle or anything. Never spanked younger than 18 months nor past about the age of four - alternative consequences become more effective at point. With all that in mind, spanking works.

You can get into general child rearing thoughts at this point and many adults have strong opinions. I will offer this....children need discipline. They need it. I'm looking to be the parent of my children, not their friend. I want them to love me, not like me - although that's fine. We tend to not idly threaten. If we warn and they continue to disobey, that's it. Once we left an amusment park about fifteen minutes after we had arrived and paid due to their unruly behaivor. It was an hour drive and at least $150 at the gate. We left. They learned. It was a very small price to pay for them to learn to listen to us for the rest of their childhood. The upside is that they are gradually getting older and are wonderful children. For example, we take all four out to fine restaurants and enjoy quiet, nice dinners. We no longer fear they will act up.

Want a motto? Here's mine: Parenting is not for cowards.

Answer 5

I do not believe in spanking... Physical violence, which is exactly what a spanking is hitting thus physical violence, is not a means of problem solving I wish or wished to teach my children.. If I used physical violence to modify thier behavior I would be teaching them physical violence is an acceptable and appropriate manner in which to solve a probem... Since I do not believe it is I chose not to spank...

I believe using time-out and other creative thoughtful communication based disiplines work wonderfully, they are more time consuming and relationship intense methods.. But my children are and were well worth the extra time and work it took to make the nonviolent upbringing work..

I use both the present and past tense because my children ae now ages 19, 17 and 9... With the older two I am reaching the end of the raising process as they enter and begin to enter adulthood.. I am still in the thick of it all raising the 9 yr old...

If you believe in "Spare the rod spoil the child" which actually comes from these scriptures in Proverbs..

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (Proverbs 13:24, King James Version, KJV)

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15, KJV)

"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. If you beat him with the rod you will save his life from Sheol". (Proverbs 23:13, 15, KJV)

Why not also

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

You raise your children as you see fit just remember every lesson you teach them good or bad they will emmulate at some point... So if they hit someone else inorder to make that person comply remember you are the one who taught the original behavior by hitting them to make them comply...

Answer 6

when there young and don't understand on the hands and bottoms OK, when there at the age of understanding then you can talk to them about their behaviours and teach them right from wrong , a parent needs to be a teacher too if all they get is a hit how can the understand what their doing is wrong i go smacked and after a while it didn't hurt no more and any attention is a bonus i understand hoe silly that sound but its not till you grow up and look back you realise what you did it all for

Answer 7

i did a few times when my little girl was little, only when she wouldnt listen any other way. Like you said it wouldnt hurt her, she was using pull ups and even when she was off them, but i would never hit her for pain. It just startles them and lets them know you mean business. She is now six years old, and she listens to me. I havent spanked her since then. I dont think its a problem. Some people dont believe in spanking at all but I think spanking and physical child abuse is a totally different thing. As long as you arent causing the child any kind of pain or smacking them in the face or anything like that, thats when its starts crossing the line onto abuse.

Answer 8

i've spanked before, and yes it worked. but, what works better is sending our daughter to her room. times outs didn't work, so we put her in her room (with the door open) and tell her she can come out when she's ready to stop hitting, throwing, or whatever she's doing. works like a charm.
you have to try a lot of things before you find something that works for you. keep trying, you may find something that works better than spanking.

Answer 9

Im not sure how old your child is but he is in pull ups so Im assuming he is 2 or under.My 23 month old is toliet trained.Everyone said bust his butt when he has a accident but I knew better.After 2 weeks he was completely toliet train.Im just not into spanking.the only time a time out does not work is when the parent is too lazy to enforce the time out or they go over board with it.I`ve seen mothers hit a 2 year old,yell at em and stick them in the corner for 10 minutes and hit them everytime they tried to come out of the corner.Same thing with time out in the chairs.Some parents will make it the rule that if the child runs in the house then they will get time out.Well when mom is on the phone talking to the insurance company she ignores the childing who is breaking the rule to talk on the phone.Or she is tired of putting the kid back in his/her room 20 times everytime the child comes out to test mom.Time out does work.You just got to be persistance about it.Spanking is not good.I want the parents who spank their kids to look into the childs eyes next time they spank their child.If that look makes you happy then continue spanking.You get complements on how well behaved he is when you are out and he is only 2? I get the same in public about my 23 month old and I do not hit his hand or butt.I can not imagine my little one getting out of my eye sight at anytime.Then I would be the one with the problem not my toddler and to hit your 2 year old because you did not watch him good is not a good thing.Dont rely on the when I find him I will teach him a lesson and hit him because one of these days you just might not find him.Its up to you to keep him safe,not put him in harms ways to hit him in hopes to teach a lesson.

Answer 10

I believe in spankings. If a child is old enough to act up they are old enough to get spanked.