ok so what should i do instead?

Question

ok so if you read this question:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ar75aWS7WIf9benTXm5I5qnsy6IX?qid=20061030211040AAaE6XB

you saw that i didn't want to give my daughter a bare bottom spanking, so since i already threatened her with it but i'm backing out on my word, what should i do instead? and should i tell her i decided she is too old for bare bottom spankings? thats the reason iim backing out?

i have talked to her a lot the reason she does it is because her friends want her to do it then my eleven year old daughter told me she told her that i could do what i wanted because she cares more about being accepted in school than being grounded
but my eleven year old could have been making it up, she has been doing that a lot lately because she likes seeing her older sister get punished for some reason, i don't know why.

they were so much easier when they were little all i had to say was stop or i'll spank you and they stopped immediately and didn't do it again

but now as teens and pre teens it's harder

Answer 1

Hi. I'm assuming you're serious. I don't want to be insulting, but I guess I'm not surprised that this is how the situation has turned out for you. And you have seven kids... I'm a little overwhelmed at what you're asking because it's not like you can change things for just one. You've got a lot going on!

My opinion is that you're going to be simply putting out fires (also known as "in crisis mode") unless you make a commitment to a violence-free household (no spankings) and get some professional help to do it. Even with professional help, it will not be easy.

Even threatening to bare bottom spank your 15 year old--whether you're mom or dad--is really bad for her emotional, moral and sexual development. I don't want to criticize, but I don't know what else to say. If you leave a mark, CPS could be at your door.

If you came into my office for parenting advice I would say this. Make up a list of rules, and consequences for breaking them. Then make up a list of desired behaviors (for each kid, so this may be a big job) and incentives for achieving them. For example: if your daughter gets perfect attendance for a month, do something special with her or give her a privilege she likes. Something she's willing to work for.

You may say this is bribing her, but it isn't. You already have a sullen truant. And for all the "respect" you say you've raised them with, I'm willing to bet they refrain from hitting you because they're afraid, not because they really respect you.

Good luck. I hope our kids never meet. My teenagers were never hit and they are honors students, going to school every day. They wonder why so many of their classmates are angry so much.

But you're right, if you decide not to hit and it's all you know (I was hit growing up too, and I've been sorely tempted, lacking for other ideas while frustrated) you can develop a bit of a void, which the kids can fill with bad behavior. See if you can get a few sessions with a social worker recommended by your pediatrician. Your health insurance would likely pay for at least some of it, and it would be worth it.

Answer 2

trying to think when i was 15,
if i got spanked at 15 I'd probably laugh really. little old don't cha think. why don't you drive her *** to school this way you know shes going pick up all her friends and make it a cool thing get coffees or hot chocolate jam to some tunes be a friend instead of the enforcer. this is the rebellious stage try to be a friend instead of being a pain this way you'll find out more info plus she won't be afraid to talk to ya

Rebellious teen in my younger years

Answer 3

I feel a Friday is great to have a marriage ceremony. I realize tons of men and women that paintings on Saturdays. Not everybody has a Monday-Friday nine-five process. If you're concerned approximately men and women commencing paintings or some thing then do a rite at Sunset. Not to say it could be lovely.

Answer 4

the reason you are backing out is because fifteen is way too old to be spanking and obviously its not working...this sort of humiliation will only drive you two more apart in a time when she needs you the most...be honest tell her you were wrong and won't do it again...there are plenty of other effective punishments for teenagers such as losing driving privileges, losing "free" time, tv time, computer time and just the addition of a few extra chores are effective...if things are bad its time to work with the school...you'd be surprised how willing they are to help parents

Answer 5

I'm 19, and I was spanked on occasion as a child.
Not neccessarily on the bottom though. And I really don't think that it helped me at all. My dad was the one who did the spanking and he would also yell all sorts of obsceneties to me as well. Now I don't speak to my dad unless it's absolutely neccessary b/c I'm afraid of him and b/c it's already too late for him to even tried to build some sort of trust with me. He's tried, but it just never worked. My mom never hit me, she would yell, but she never hit. But yelling doesn't work either. It just makes your child's anger grow. And at her age, it's kind of normal for kids to go through a rebellious stage.
I would try sitting down with her and having a heart to heart talk. Find out why she's skipping school. Find out why she hangs out with the kind of friends she has now. Just talk to her. My mom talks to me all the time if she feels as if I'm having problems and I'm closer to her than ever.

Answer 6

tell her you thought about it and you are going to treat her like an adult and not spank her like a child. instead you are going to take away (insert something important to her here, like a cell phone, phone priviledges, favorite shoes, etc.) for a week or whatever. only you know your child and what will work for her. make it something that she will remember, but not something that is too extreme. have an adult conversation with her- why did she skip school, etc.? is this something she does often? or is she usually a good kid? kids are dramatic at this age, don't do anything that can make it worse. stay as calm as possible. be the adult.

Answer 7

Just tell her, she made you so mad that you nearly resortet to spanking her, but since you don't want to be violent you need a good talking too. Be firm in your talk, give her the boundaries and the ground rules and tell her she has to abide by them.

Answer 8

you don't have to do bare bottom spanking...though i think it is effective...my brother got them all the time as a child but he was bad and my dad did the spankings but now hes all straightened out...

Answer 9

you have a choice to make.

1. you spank her bare bottom and it embarrasses the BLEEP out of her or
2. be a push over and she'll walk all over you later.

your choice.


you could try what my mom did when one of us (large family) skipped school - walk hand in hand with her thru out the school day. talk about embarrassing!

Answer 10

tell her that you made a mistake and after thinking it over you decided to talk to her on an adult level.

respect her and she will begin to respect you.

treat her the way you want her to be...

she is growing up and deserves to be treated with respect by you.

and tell your husband to stop hitting your boy, also.

social services is watching you.