how would you tell the neighbour?

Question

I have a neighbor with a child the same age about as my two youngest ,his boy wants to play with my kids but I dont let them play in his yard as he is not good (understatment)at handling normal kid things ,over reacts if his child is pushed or hit even when his child starts it but feels its fair play for his kid to hit ,scratch kick if he feels its justified.He smacked my 5 year old for pushing his boy off when his boy was scratching my boys eyes.Saw this my self.He also has done other things like let the kids play in unsafe place (in a drain)he was about to cut the throat of a day old calf ,(we are in the country)for dog meat in fount of my 5 and 2 year olds ,I ran in and draged the kids out that day before they saw any thing but he did not stop ,thinks Im babying them.Any way how do I say my kids cant play with out starting a neighbor war.His boy asks dayly but his dad says he cant come in my yard because I wont let my kids in his yard.

I dont think his child is overly agresive ,normal 4 year old boy ,the father is the one with the problem ,

I told him allright and told my kids to stay away ,I was just wondering if I could have handled it with more deplomacy..

the father was killing the calf not the child ,he did it too ,If I hadnt draged all the kids including his away, they would have seen it .

Answer 1

You have answered you own question. His values are totoally off beat and do not coincide with your family's. Tell the kids that he doesn't treat them like you do or watch them as well and that you don't want them around him or his son who hits.Get them interested in other kids. The 5 yr old will be making friends at school and any after school programs like sports or karate so he will be ok. Try to find other playmates for the youngest during the dy so he and his brother can focus on each other after school and taht will keep their relationship stronger. Best wishes!

Answer 2

If you plan on living in the country for a while and in that neighborhood, your two sons are going to grow up there and play with who they can(the way boys are)

If you keep telling them they can't play with some children they probably will sooner or later and when they do, you can bet that they won't listen the next time you make such a decision!

If your boys are going to grow up in the country they will need to tuffen-up a little!

So let them go get there bumps like any other kid! Let them watch the cows get butchered(That's what happens in the country)

The most important thing to a child growing up and a parent of growing boys is to attempt to be in good terms (you cant always be!) and talk to them in a sort of meeting.

Expect them to be inside at a certain time! Thats when you have the talk. You'll know if there doing anything wrong! Chances are they will know first!

But, don't raise your voice or get mad while you are talking to them use the time to reinforce how they should have done things right!

Try to see things from your neighbors prospective or give him the impression that your trying!

Keep in mind that when your boys see you trying to deal with a person that may not make sense now, it could help them deal with you when you expect something from them that may not make sense!

If you have to find out about your kids behavior without them telling you first, that's different....your own your own at that point!

Good luck!

Answer 3

OK first off If this Creep hit your child you should have called the Law right away.. Nobody has the right to put thier hands on someone elses child... as hard as it is being neighbors you need to just keep your kids away from there.. See if there are other kids in the area, take your kids to the park to play... Your kids don't need to be around this man..

Answer 4

My cousin and I used to sit on my grandmother's back stoop and watch her behead chickens for our dinner when we were about two and three. We had a great time chasing the headless bodies around her back yard. My paternal grandfather had a cattle ranch and I used to accompany he and my father to the slaughterhouses with the cattle all the time, used to watch. Seeing death dealt that way gave me more of a respect for life. Children are more resilient than often their parents think. Frankly a 2 year old child should be better supervised by YOU when outside, and bascially not allowed to wander off their property. The 5 year old is olde enough to go to a neighbor's but must be given a time limit as to how long. As for the other father's parenting skills that is HIS way of parenting. Doesn't make him any more wrong than your ways, doesn't make him any more right. Just makes him different.

Answer 5

I don't know if this is an option, but see if maybe you could take his kid to the park with yours. It would get them ALL away from the neighborhood and give your kids a chance to play with each other.

Further more, if ANYONE hit my child there would already be a neighbor war going on. I don't spank my child, and neither does anyone that takes care of her. What is he teaching his kid by hitting a CHILD that is NOT his for pushing his son???? I would HIGHLY recommend you not let this neighbor around your kid EVER.

If his child is that aggressive, and I understand they're boys, there might be some other serious issues going on.

Answer 6

Maybe you could say that each of you have different parenting styles and standards, not that either is right or wrong, that this is just the way you each choose to raise your children. Agree that you disagree on the raising of your children, but that ultimately it is your decision as the parent of your own children, and you prefer that they not play together.
Don't put too much stock in what the neighbor thinks of you as a parent or it will drive you nuts. Do what you need to do for your own family and call it good. Second-guessing ourselves is an easy thing to do.

Answer 7

4 year olds do not want to cut the throat of a calf. Just simply tell the father that his son is to much of a wild child, but in a nicer way. Tell him that the only way that they can play, is if they are closely supervised and no sharp objects are nearby. Have him come to your house and play, set up tonka trucks, or whatever need be. Best of luck

Answer 8

I think that the only choice that you have is to tell the kids that truth more or less. Of course i would tell them in terms that they would understand, and making sure that you dont scare them about the neighbors. Also make sure that they understand that it really has nothing to do with the other child. I would also have a little talk with the neighbor and let him know that no-body lays a finger on any of my kids. Ask him how he would feel if you hit his child. I dont think that you would really have to care about starting a war with the neighbor, you dont really want to be friends with someone who thinks its ok to hit your childeren.

Answer 9

don't let your kids play over there ever again!!! how in the hell is a grown man going to smack a toddler? how do you know it's not worse when you're not around? and what did you say to this a$s when he did that? (I hope you didn't just stand by and let it happen, although that's exactly what it sounds like)

you don't have to say anything to him other than you have a MAJOR problem with him hitting your children and he has no right whatsoever to do so, you should report him for that ASAP!!!

Answer 10

it is good that you find out now what kind of guy the neighbor is. keep your kids away from him. find other kids for your to play with, even if it means inviting them over for the afternoon. you are a good parent. keep up the good work.