My cousin (5yrs) has been living with my family for the past two years. I've recently found out that my aunt is really trying to get him back. While I know she loves him just as much as we do I feel we do have the best situation for him. I'm planning on flying up to see my family (they live in Ohio--our family lives in Florida) soon--before next month. When I go I would like to talk to my aunt about keeping my cousin and possibly finally adopting him. I don't know how to approach the subject though--as you can probably tell it's touchy for both of us. How do I discuss this with her without hurting her feelings or making things worse?
2006-10-30 15:11:49 · 12 answers · asked by .vato. 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I truly want what is best for him--and I believe that is living with a financially stable, loving, married couple, and who lives in a great environment for this boy. My intentions are good but I need to make sure she understands.
2006-10-30 15:12:18 · update #1
forgot to mention that my aunt is his grandmother--not mother. He is my first cousin's son--she is a crack head and has not seen him for the past four years.
2006-10-30 15:27:14 · update #2
this is hard i know i have a 25 year old daughter and she had 5 kids the first were twins the second a boy the 3rd a girl she wasn't sure she wanted to go through with the pregnancy i told her to let me have her she would always know who her mom was i was financially stable and married she was not i kept her till she was 18 months and then she wanted her back this was heart wrenching i asked to adopt her and she didn't want to give her up i hope you have some legal custody or there isn't a whole lot you can do my heart aches for you my granddaughter is now 5 years old and i have a closer bond to her than the other 4 grandchildren she will always be my baby
2006-10-30 15:25:27 · answer #1 · answered by tristy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While it is very nice and admirable that you have cared for your 2nd cousin for the past 2 years if his grandmother now wants and is able to care for him she should do so...
When you first took guardianship of your 2nd cousin there was legal paperwork etc. that should have been filed... Within that paperwork there are stipulations etc. to his mother or another relative gaining guardianship / custody... Look at the paperwork and figure out what your legal rights are... But know when the courts are able to place a child with a blood relative closer than a 2nd cousin they will..
As for asking about starting adoption proceedings this is definately not the time to bring it up... Your Aunt will see it as a spitful act to try and keep the child... If you haven't started proceedings unil now when your Aunt has started making an effort to get the child back you need to wait... If you had truly wanted to start adoption proceedings you would have started them long before now, your Aunts actions are making you want to make counteractions and if the two of you get into that neither one of you is placing the childs interests above your own...
Allow the courts not you to decide if your home or your Aunts home is better for the child... Investigations into both homes can be ordered during the custody/guardianship hearings... While your house may be the better choice in your eyes you are none the less biased... Let the courts decide...
2006-10-30 18:27:33 · answer #2 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would just put all the reasons why you think he should stay with you out on the table for her and tell her why you feel he should be with you if he has been for two years than there is probably a lot of stability that from the sounds of it was lacking before (if he was with a crack head mother) of course all the family stats such as financial stability two parent home and so forth should be important too tell her that you know that she loves him as much as you do and that you are both just wanting the best for him but that moving him for an already stable situation isn't what you feel is in his best int rest if she gets defensive drop it and come back to it later when she is calm again and good luck
2006-10-30 16:03:02 · answer #3 · answered by arianna3at 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I could see why that would be a touchy subject to discuss. Well I'll give it a shot.. Well I guess you could start off by saying that you & your husband really are fond of the child & love him very much & that you would like for him to live with you because he is settled and loves you both as well and its more stable for him. I don't know, make sure she gets to see/talk to him like on the phone or visits and pictures. Sorry I don't really don't I would have to be in that situation i guess to fully understand it all & no what to say. Good Luck!!
2006-10-31 12:55:27 · answer #4 · answered by Carly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are pure in your intentions and you also want the best for the boy. You may provide money for him but not maternal love. There is no substitute for any 'mother' anywhere in the world. Even if it is an aunt, she has to look after her own children. This is the law of the Creator.
My suggestion is to send your cousin back and if possible provide some financial support for him too on a monthly or yearly basis. No one today thinks about helping anyone else be it relatives and you are noble in your thoughts in helping out your cousin. So, i believe 'actual maternal love' + your finance will be the best for the boy.
And GOD knows best.
2006-10-30 15:24:12 · answer #5 · answered by flameslivewire 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Take pictures with you, of him w/ your family how happy he is. I am guessing he is in kindergrden take some school work (well drawing, a paper with his name written on it , by him etc) show how stable the enviroment he is in is & happy he is. By seeing things she has not been able to give him the conversation may be easy. If she starts to get deffensive...DROP IT, wht you may say to her in anger may make you loose your case in the court. Also he is old enough to talk w/ the judge in chambers & tell what his wishes are & you may also want to considerhaving him see a family counseler where he can openly discuss his wishes w/o penalty. These are premissable in court. Good Luck
2006-10-30 15:20:39 · answer #6 · answered by notAminiVANmama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that would want to matter upon the birthparents. The adoptive father and mom and them would have see eye to eye on alot of subject matters to guarantee that it to workout consultation to be a delightful relationship. if that is the case then i imagine an open adoption is a astounding component. a baby not in any respect could have too a lot love!
2016-12-05 09:34:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r the better person for this child.try to bring up the subject calmly and nicely but hint tht u r serious and not about to give and if tht doesnt work than allow the courts to decide.and if she is a crackhead than im more than sure that u would b awarded custody
2006-10-30 15:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by Simply Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well at 5 yrs old --how does your cousin feel??! I know its early -but I'm sure some opinions have been spoken!
Best thing to do is have an open and frank conversation-WITHOUT ANY JUDGEMENT--to decide this!
Best of luck!
2006-10-30 15:21:53 · answer #9 · answered by f4fanactic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun i would go live with another realitive for awhile sounds pretty bad over there espcially if they moved you out of your own room. I wouldn't try n fight your way through anything they might get offened then you will get into some family problems.hope everything works out.
2006-10-30 15:30:29 · answer #10 · answered by Justin 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋