He will make remarks that make me feel like he thinks I am gay, or when I try to be nice he will say things like disgusting, he has also called me a ******, I am not at all black but I do use some slang. He makes fun of how I look, yells at me for everything is always telling what to do, lets go! put your shoes on! lock the door! EVERYTIME WE LEAVE!!! Then if I move the slightest bit how he doesnt like at the dinner table he'll start panting in grunts, it would scare little kids away, then he gets a look on his face and eats like a wild animal, he is so touchy I dont know how to talk to him, what worse is I am beginning to be disrespectful towards him no matter how hard i try because the stuff he has said has made me not like him very much even though he is family and I love him. I am staying with him to help him move into his new place and help him with his land and animals how can I get along with this grump?
2006-10-30 15:02:30 · 14 answers · asked by knowledge2u4usa 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Wow. Sounds like "Grumpy Old Men III".
Well, are you respectful to him? I only ask that because if you are, then you can stand up to him and say, "Look, Grandpa, I don't know why you have some sort of problem with me. I love you & I've never treated you disrespectfully. I expect you to treat me the same way. If you refuse to, then I can't see you as much anymore because I'm constantly uncomfortable."
Is that ok? Hope it works out all right w/ you 2.
2006-10-30 15:08:57 · answer #1 · answered by Rocker Chick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude no matter how painful it is he will always be this way unless
you change to someone he wishes you can be. But of course
you don't need to change cause you are who you are. As long
as you respect him. I know it's hard but try to ignore his remarks.
My mom used to do the same thing, but we found out she has
Alzheimer Disease, which caused her to have such behavior.
It was very hurtful to me that I would cry, because I wasn't
sure what was going on. The was the first stage of Alzheimer
Disease. She is now taking her medication witch helps her
to calm down, it doesn't slow her down but it eases the mined.
Also she would forget lots of thing. She is now on her third
stage and she is all we have. Our Father just passed away
in March 22.06. So you see we as family members have to
take a lot from them until they can get help from their Dr.
Just try to be there for him, I know it's hard, but someone has
to do it. Watch out for these signs Memory Loss, nice one
minute, then turns on you in a second. Some people are in denial.
You can have him check out at his Dr. office. All you have to do
is mention it to the Dr. Privately. Also do what you have to do for
him then stay in your room and give each other some space.
This will seperate each other for a few. And you can also talk to him, when your alone together, tell him how you feel. I pretty
sure he'll listen and think of what going on.
2006-10-30 15:23:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are poisonous human beings in this international and he sounds like absolutely one of them. His cantankerousness isn't your challenge. If he doesn't have experience adequate to count number his advantages there is not something you are able to do about it. My suggestion is that you'll flow out of there till now he has you wondering badly of your self. Emotional and psychological abuse isn't undemanding to stay with. One option is to get your own position on the valuables. If it really is not accessible, then i'd absolutely go away. If at some destiny time he might want to be human in route of you, you may want to judge transferring decrease back. yet even as he's abusive and belittling, i'd absolutely stumble on different residing arrangements and employment. good luck
2016-12-05 09:34:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grandfather is probably in a lot of pain and is having difficulty coping with the end stages of life. He probably also isn't thrilled about swallowing his pride and having you help him. People who are not happy about the life choices that they have made in life are often stuck in a developmental stage that causes them to lash out at others and push people away.
Do not let him abuse you. Firmly tell him that you don't appreciate the language and leave the room. Do not leave him altogether. He is probably not doing this to hurt you. He is doing it because he hurts inside.
Something that may be helpful is to look up Eric Ericsson's developmental stages, specifically as they focus on Gerentology. It may help you get a better grasp on the situation and help you understand what your grandfather is feeling. It may help you to realize that you are not to blame for this crankiness and may help you relate to him in a more meaningful way.
It's great that you are helping him. Just remember that usually the ones who need help the most are the ones who are the most reluctant to receive it.
2006-10-30 15:15:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. We don't pick our family like we do our friends. You need to remember that it isn't you with the problem, it's your grandpa.
Your grandpa may have a medical condition that is contributing to his behavior. Has he always been this way? Is this behavior new for him?
He may not remember that he's already told you certain things so he repeats himself. Some people get pretty "crabby" as they age.
Can you talk to your parents? Maybe they can help by speaking with him. It sounds like you seriously need to think about moving out soon.
I wish you luck.
2006-10-31 08:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how it feels to have a relative who you can't get along with, is always putting down, and someone you love as family (or possibly not even that, they don't feel that way) but hate so much as a person.
My best advice is, if you haven't talked to him or tried to (which it kind of sounds like you have) is just ignore him, don't hang around him, refuse to hang out with family if you need to, or just find another relative you are closer to, to hang out with at the family gatherings.
2006-10-30 15:35:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What the heck are you living with this ***hole for? Put him in a home and find someone civil to move in with. Just because he's old, or even because he's old AND related to you, doesn't mean he deserves your unconditional love and respect.
2006-10-31 09:10:23 · answer #7 · answered by Amy F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you want respect just as he does and that respect has to work both ways. Tell him if If he doesn't knock it off that your going to push his old crabby asss down the stairs !
2006-10-31 02:42:05 · answer #8 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a real sweety! You don't have to put up with that. Tell him if he doesn't quit talking to you like that, you're going to take off and he can worry about it himself!
2006-10-30 15:39:20 · answer #9 · answered by pollywollydoda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
put laxatives in his food to give him diarrhea and make him more miserable. just take notes and realize thats not the way you want to end up. i generally laugh at people like that and it pisses them off major. there is nothing that says you can't talk back too. tell em you are gay and got a black boyfriend and you are going to make grandpa watch the porn tapes you make when you and your boyfriend are smoking crack together. in short it does you no good to tolerate the intollerant.
2006-10-30 15:18:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋