Im n my 20s & my grandpa will be very disrespectful by calling me gay or a ******, how can I deal with him?

Question

He will make remarks that make me feel like he thinks I am gay, or when I try to be nice he will say things like disgusting, he has also called me a ******, I am not at all black but I do use some slang. He makes fun of how I look, yells at me for everything is always telling what to do, lets go! put your shoes on! lock the door! EVERYTIME WE LEAVE!!! Then if I move the slightest bit how he doesnt like at the dinner table he'll start panting in grunts, it would scare little kids away, then he gets a look on his face and eats like a wild animal, he is so touchy I dont know how to talk to him, what worse is I am beginning to be disrespectful towards him no matter how hard i try because the stuff he has said has made me not like him very much even though he is family and I love him. I am staying with him to help him move into his new place and help him with his land and animals how can I get along with this grump?

Answer 1

Lordie, I don't envy you. But having said that, you've got to remember there are 2 sides to every coin. Sounds like he's trying to tell you he is VERY unhappy with you, but doesn't know how to do it in an appropriate way. So, here comes the dreaded talk with your grandpa. You can start by saying you get the feeling he wants to tell you something...and here's the tricky part...you listen!!!!! You don't get defensive and try to justify yourself, that will only lead to a big argument (you know this is true). Then you listen some more. After that, give it some time, process what he said, how much is true? how much is sort of true? how much of it is an angry old man just being spiteful? So you think about it for a while. Then you can decide if you can set some boundaries with him, e.g., "I know you're pretty mad at me gramps, but I love you and I don't want you to call me names anymore." You really need some good advice along this whole path if you want to maintain a relationship with your gramps. He may be a nasty, evil, negative person, but you need some help to sort this one out. I admire you for asking about this, after all, judging from your letter, you haven't had the greatest role models for expressing feelings. good luck

Answer 2

There are toxic people in this world and he sounds like one of them. His cantankerousness is not your problem. If he doesn't have sense enough to count his blessings there is nothing you can do about it. My advice is for you to move out of there before he has you thinking badly of yourself. Emotional and mental abuse is not easy to live with.
One alternative is to get your own place on the property. If that is not possible, then I would definitely leave. If at some future time he can be human toward you, you might consider moving back.
But while he is abusive and belittling, I would definitely explore other living arrangements and employment.
Good luck

Answer 3

it seems to me that you need to tell him whats on your mind---tell him how you feel.you are in your 20's--you are an adult--tell him you deserve respect as much as he does--it doesnt matter whether you are totally black or whether you are gay or not--respect goes both ways--
and if you are helping him around the house with the land and animals---thatis more the reason to tellhim that everything you do for him--- he should treat youwith more respect
ignorance is everywhere---it doesnt stop because he is family--

Answer 4

Dude no count number how painful it really is he will continually be this type except you adjust to someone he needs you may want to be. yet obviously you don't want to modify reason you're who you're. as long as you realize him. i comprehend that is puzzling yet attempt to ignore his comments. My mom used to do an same component, yet we stumbled on out she has Alzheimer ailment, which led to her to have such habit. It became very hurtful to me that i'd cry, because I wasn't particular what became occurring. The became the first degree of Alzheimer ailment. She is now taking her drugs witch facilitates her to kick back down, it doesn't sluggish her down in spite of the indisputable fact that it eases the mined. also she would forget a lot of component. She is now on her 0.33 degree and he or she is all we've. Our Father in basic terms surpassed on to the great beyond in March 22.06. so that you spot we as kinfolk ought to take a lot from them till they could get help from their Dr. in basic terms attempt to be there for him, i comprehend that is puzzling, yet someone has to do it. beware of those indicators reminiscence Loss, effective one minute, then activates you in a 2d. some everyone is in denial. you're able to have him check out at his Dr. place of work. All you should do is aspect out it to the Dr. Privately. also do what you should do for him then stay on your room and substances one yet another some area. this would seperate one yet another for some. and also you may also communicate over with him, even as your on my own at the same time, tell him the way you experience. I quite particular he will pay interest and picture of what occurring.

Answer 5

okay guy,i have hear your cry,but the only thing that i can tell you know is that you should find a day to call him on the side and ask him what is the reason of him calling you a gay?

Answer 6

You need to talk to the grump. Tell him what it is he is doing or saying that makes you upset.

Answer 7

By these actions you describe he's probably starting to get senile. Erratic behavior temper flare ups etc.. Get him to a doctor and get him checked out.

Answer 8

You might have to get a job and move out. Tell him to hire some help.

Answer 9

The same way I handle my mother-in-law. Kill her with kindness.it will always make you the better person cause you don't stoop to their level. Or if possible stay away from him.

Answer 10

Well just push him down some stairs.