I am a woman in my 30's who's engaged to a wonderful man. We are going to be married next year. My fiance & I are planning our own wedding & spending our own money. We agreed to have a small wedding. But my Mom is insisting on having alot of people at our wedding & she's even telling me who should be my bridesmaids & what I should wear at the wedding. I am of Indian origin my fiance is white. In my cultrue married women aren't supose to be the bridesmades but 3 of my briedsmaids are married. So my mom is telling me that her sisters unmarried daughter should be in my wedding but my cousin is not a good person & I don't want her in my wedding. Now my sis is backing out of being my maid of honer. When my fiance & I had problems I used to talk to her & seek advice. Now my fiance & I no longer fight & we have a healthy relationship. Now my sisters marriage is not all that healthy & she doesn't talk to me much & I even pick a wedding date that suited her's & her kids schedule. I am sad.
2006-10-30 14:55:26 · 26 answers · asked by cluelesschickus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First .....Congratulations!!!!!!!
You are getting married to a wonderful man and that's great!
Also you are a grownup and independent woman. So your family has to respect you and your choices!
You will live just once, so better live the way you want and not like your family or other people wants you to live. This applies to your wedding and any other thing that concerns your life.
You have to learn to stick to your own choices and make your family accept that. If your mom sees that she can influence you in your choices she will keep doing it. But if she sees that there is no discussions about who will come to your wedding, or who will be your bridesmaid, etc. she will stop bothering you with that.
Maybe she will be a bit mad at first, but she's your mom and she will soon forget about that.
So just have one discussion with your family making them understand that you and your husband are going to do things the way you two want. Be calm and clear.
An other strong point is that you and your husband are paying for the wedding,.....so they really have no word to say!
So as I said you are a grownup, time to show it to your family ..be a man (woman ;)
Life is short so enjoy!
2006-10-30 15:20:57 · answer #1 · answered by Just a cool and simple Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations! After having just gone through this I will say that it will be one of the best days of your life.
My husband and I did the same. We paid for our own wedding. For us this kept the family demands out of it. I think it would be different if either family was helping with paying or they were paying for the whole thing. We also had a small wedding. There were a lot of people I would have liked to invite but in our case we didn't have the kind of money AND we didn't want a big wedding.
The bottom line is that is your wedding not theirs. That was the one thing that people kept reminding me of the whole time. If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding then you two should be making the final decisions. You can't really get away from all of the suggestions that people will give you. The people that you didn't think you would have problems with, you have problems with. People seem to turn into completely different beasts when a wedding is being planned.
You need to, as kindly as possible tell your mother that this is your wedding and that while you will be happy to listen to her suggestions and even consider some of them that the final decision will be between you and your fiance.
I'm sorry that you are having this problem and I'm not sure if there is a delicate way to solve. You will not be able to make everyone happy. But ( I can't say this enough) it is your wedding and you and your fiance should be the ones that are happy on that day.
Good luck and congratulations!
2006-10-30 16:04:22 · answer #2 · answered by Elisabeth R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-10-30 22:39:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your wedding and you should be the one who decides what to do best. This is your day, don't let anyone annoy you or spoil it for you. If someone doesn't want to be the maid of honor, don't force them but find some good friends who will be your bridesmaids and the maid of honor (it doesn't matter if they're married, that's just old tradition) Wear something beautiful, stick to your budget and remind everyone that you're paying for this yourself and you deserve to do what you want. Don't let your mom hassle you. As for you sister, she doesn't have to share her problems with you if she doesn't want to...she's not exactly like you, is she?! I mean even twins have different personalities so just because she's your sister, it doesn't mean that she will handle things like you do. Besides, you have some time to think and plan everything and I'm sure that things will settle down themselves. My wife was freaking out before the wedding because nothing seemed to be getting right but in the end, it was a perfect wedding day and we had a great time...you're in love, you're going to get married...don't let anyone spoil that.
2006-10-30 16:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by DrSH 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to remember is this is your wedding and hopefully your only one. If you have trouble with to many opinions, you may need to get the help of a wedding coordinator.
It may be helpful to assign a task to each of the people who are trying to give what they think is helpful input.
It can be a very delicate time. With all being said, a coordinator can assist you in any hard decisions you have to make.
I had an experience where the brides mother insisted she was paying for the wedding, it would be the way SHE wanted it. And her daughter could have the wedding she wanted when she paid for it.
Try to be true to what you want.
Your are getting married to your fiance' not, your or his parents.
Whatever you decide do it in Love and all will be fine.
2006-10-30 15:06:09 · answer #5 · answered by einnob 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay this is your wedding.... since you are the one's putting on the wedding and paying for everything.... make it your own. Of course you don't want to hurt your familys feelings or go against them in anyway, but you have to think about how they are acting also.... they should be a little more considerate towards your feelings. Don't walk on egg shells for your family. If your sis doesn't want to be MOH, find someone else, maybe someone from his side.... if your family is truly making this hard for you, just go with other people. It will not only show them that your grown and not going to take this CRAP, but it may also make them realize what jerks they are being. Don't let them ruin your day.... your getting married. Good Luck
2006-10-30 15:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is all about compromise and you should have known about this being a potential fight causer before you ever got engaged.
Murphy's law states that a wedding takes place in the Brides Community or Church (which would be following the Brides customs) and you reside in the Grooms community. Unless of course you already live together or live elsewhere.
You need to get a backbone though!
2006-10-30 16:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing is to do away with the bridesmaid. I have heard
that married woman should not become a bridesmaid. Your mother may have her reasons and I am sure that is for the good
of your future marriage life. Don't think that your paid your own
marriage and you can do it your own way. Some things that you
don't believe may happen later and you will regret it. Have you
heard of pregnant lady cannot sit on a newly's bed? Please
consider.
2006-10-30 15:20:59 · answer #8 · answered by Cutebunny 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was married in 87 & if I could turn back time I would tell everyone to go to you know where.I was so worried about making everyone else happy that the most important in my life sucked. I didn't have a good time at my wedding maybe because half of the decisions I made I made to make family members happy. THIS IS YOUR DAY do what makes you happy
2006-10-30 15:03:44 · answer #9 · answered by gitsliveon24 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As difficult as it will be, let your mother know that it is your wedding and that you will plan and pay for it, so it will be your way and not hers. If she does not stop interfering, tell her you will elope, and that she will not have a wedding to go to at all. Be tactful, but firm, because at the end of the day, it is your day.
2006-10-30 19:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by Das 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋