STAY AT HOME MOTHERS?

Question

I'm a stay at home mum, my little boy is going on 18 mths. i feel like life is going on with out me.I feel like I should be doing something but I don't know what. Has anyone felt the some way or going thur it now.Don't get me wrong I love my son all I wanted was to be a mum but now I'm doing it a feel i should be doing something or more of something. but I do want another child now that I'm home and not at work but that means 3 to 4 years feeling like this...does anyone feel the same way ....

Answer 1

After just recently having my third child a few months ago, I decided to stay home. I was the main supporter in my marrage for the last 7 years. My husband works part-time, and schools full-time. I know what you mean. I feel like I am letting my family down by not working, or contributing to the family funds. I love all my children 100% and I wouldnt give them up for the world. But I feel like, even if I am out of their sight for a minute, that I am doing something wrong, by not being there, or playing with them. I dont mean to sound jealous of them, but somedays I wish I could go to work, or school, just for an hour, and then maybe I would feel like I have done something for them. I do all the cooking & cleaning, and I still feel like I havent done anything for my family. I often wonder what goes on outside of my home, since I only make it to Wal-mart twice a month. And to the back yard daily. I really wonder what its like over on the other side of the fence. Your not alone.

Answer 2

I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years now, I have felt the same way you do now! When I am feeling that way I know I need to get out and have adult conversation!! Anything will help, get a babysitter and go window shopping,call a old friend and go for lunch or out for a night of old time fun. Find a part time job only a few hours a week. There is Home Health for old people and they are always looking for workers for that. It might be only a few hours a week and you might even be able to take the baby with you if you had to.Your still getting out and doing more and FEELING like your doing something. Being a stay at home Mom is the greatest job in the world..but you have to remember that MOM needs time too! and your not a bad mom for getting away. And your not a bad Mom for feeling the way you do right now. It took me a long time to realize that. Being a stay-at -home mom does not mean you have to STAY AT HOME WITH CHILD ALL THE TIME. Don't lose 'yourself'!! I worked half a day 3 days a week and I was happy to get away.Your son would also do good being in a daycare with other children a few hours a week just for social interaction and would probally love it! Some people love staying home,cooking ,cleaning..ext. And others like it but need a little more social activites. It's all in your personality and remember that, that is okay! If MOM is happy..EVERYONE is happy! You can find a way to make it work!

Answer 3

You know, finally at the end of a year, you feel like you've got a handle on the whole mom thing, and you are ready to do something else. I'd say go for it, but take baby steps. You don't want to wind up doing too much. I can't speak for everyone, but the second one was nowhere near the life-altering experience as the first one. Sure, you are tied up for a few months, but you know what you are doing this time.

Get involved in mom & babies groups now, so you know you are not the only one out there who feels like this. It's harder to take part when you have two, unless the father is very active in child-raising.

And remember, you are not doing nothing -- raising your child is the most important job in the world. And the better job you do now, the easier it will be in the future with the kid.

And if you feel ready to do something, do try it out. You can take on a temporary part-time job, or work from home if you have a creative bent. Or better yet, you can start planning what you want to be after the child-rearing years -- and start doing the homework to make those things happen.

We are very lucky to have this time to ourselves and our children. Not every mom can stay at home. Good luck, dear. You are doing a great job!

Answer 4

Oh my yes!!

Your guy is little too! I stopped working when my boys were older, meaning they are gone at school some of the day! I am all alone here with the critters!
That was at first. Now I like the quietness (other then critter noises). I am helping out the community by not letting my boys run wild in the streets (trust me everyone should be thanking me for this J/K :0)

I found time for me, BUT my kids are older. Yours is a baby.

Have you ever thought to get some kind of play date going for your child? Or if the weather is good going to the park. Get out and meet other mothers. This will make the feelings for what you do much better! Being a stay at home mom is work! When I was working in the job market I would have argued this point...

Answer 5

Hi,
I am a stay at home mom as well and have been for 15 years now. I have had some moments like you are going through at this time, and what has helped me where two things.

First, my husband helped me realize that what I was doing was the most important job in the world! No one else can put you values into your child. No one else can create family memories for your child than you and your man. This is a great responsibility, but as the both of you work together, you can make it happen, and will see the fruit of your sacrifice very soon.

Secondly, you do need a break every once in a while. For me it was getting involved in the Family Support Group of my husband's military unit. The wives met once a month for an evening, and we had a great time. I got a lot of great ideas and used them for my children, from fun ways to fold the laundry with them to practicing their letters, shapes and numbers, and teaching them other things they needed to get ready for school.

If you do not have any group like that, you can try your local library for children story hour. You will meet moms in similar situations, and soon you will encourage each other.
Most importantly: ENJOY each and every moment you have to play with your son...time flies, and before you know it, he will be in school, or asking for his driver's license...
Hope this helps. :)

Answer 6

Oh i know exactly how you are feeling. I love being a mom to my 15 month old and taking care of the house and my hubby. But sometimes I feel like the world is passing me by. I'm pregnant with number two now. My hubby and I have agreed to do more stuff together out of the house, so I dont feel so isolated that and online college classes.
Its hard, but you will find ways to make yourself feel better and in the long run, when you think about it when your son is older and in school. That you were there for him during that crucial time, You helped him learn his abcs and to count and showed him love.
it does get better :)

Answer 7

Being a SAHM is a full time job and I treat it like one. My day starts at 5 am. I also home school, do volunteer work and I recently started my own business. I'm BUSY!

I understand how you feel. Part of it is pressure from society. We put so much emphasis on what a person does for a living as if that is who they are. At the same time people don't see being a SAHM as an actual worthwhile career choice. You're not bringing in the almighty dollar so you are not seen as worthwhile. Then there are the people who think if you are at home you are either uneducated or lazy or both. This all leaves many SAHMs trying to prove their worth and many end up buying into the hype that they aren't worth anything.

I was that way at first. But then I just totally put myself into the job. I was going to be the best SAHM I could possibly be. At the same time I started looking for support from other moms. I also started doing things for ME. I joined community theatre, started volunteering, took a few classes. I even started researching topics I'd had interest in but had never really studied. You don't have to take a class. Use the internet and go to the library. It is possible to teach yoursef.

The key is to not LET life go on without you. Take initiative. Be proactive. Figure out what you want and go for it. It does not have to be a career at this point. That is one of the great things about being a SAHM. You are very busy taking care of your family but if you manage your time right you should have plenty of time to take care of yourself. Use this time to find out what else you are passionate about. There is time for work later. For now enjoy the opportunity before you. You feel like you should be doing something more so DO something more. That doesn't mean you have to leave your son in daycare and go out and get a paying job. It means you should be exploring the world and your options.

There IS something out there for you. That is why you are feeling this way. The universe is telling you that you are meant for more. So, find it. But please don't mistake that for meaning you must be sitting in an office (or whatever). If that is what you ultimately want then it will happen in time. But for now enjoy your son and explore your other options. Realize how lucky you are!! As soon as I realized how lucky I was to be able to plan my own schedule, take a walk when I wanted, nap when I wanted (if the kids cooperated), eat lunch on the back lawn when I wanted, etc. all kind of opportunites presented themselves before me. I stopped having that feeling that I had to be WORKING and earning a paycheck to be a worthwhile person. Now when I'm out early in the morning, walking the dog, I feel sorry for those people who drive past me on their way to work. I work hard during the day. But I get to call the shots and I get to enjoy things many 9-5ers don't. I wouldn't trade that for anything. (I have two degrees. I could go back to work as a reporter or an elementary school teacher and you can't pay me enough to do either!! Being home with the kids is just more fulfilling)

Change your perspective and realize you are LUCKY! I hope things turn around for you.

Answer 8

I definately feel that way! My husband went to college after we got married and got a degree and a job he loves. I feel like I have no identity other than being a mom. My kids are definately the most important thing, but I know I don't take very good care of them when I'm feeling bad about myself. I just barely went back to college and am starting to feel like something other than "just a mom". So get involved in something, with your kids, and without your kids. It's important to have something for yourself. My kids come first, but I need to make room for myself once in a while or I would go crazy! It took me 4 kids to realize that I needed something other than being mom. I have stayed home with all four and will continue to stay home until they are all in school, but by that time, I will be done with school and will be able to start a real career! (All of my classes are online so it doesn't take away from time with them.)
Good luck! You are a person too! You will eventually figure out something that is just for you!

Answer 9

I fully agree with all the women on here. It's a hard JOB being a stay at home mom. There's no fringe benefits, and you don't even get a paid vacation LOL HOWEVER, if you're feeling withdrawn from the world, as I did, I joined a MOPS group. Most church organizations have this available to mothers. It stand for Mothers Of PreSchoolers. It's for mothers with children not quite old enough for school yet and allows you to interact with other mothers of young children and it also gives you a couple hours each week to take a break from being overwhelmed with your responsibilities.

I think all of us moms have been there at one point or another, so we understand where you're comming from. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

Listen Hun, Some people feel that way. ARe u married? Well uf u are, don't worry. My mom hadto be a stay home mom too. U r feeling that way because u rn't used to this as much. Just set ur mind off it. All u have to do is just care for ur son, If u take medication a lot, I duno if it is gona be bad, but of u really don't feel like u could take care of this child, get it a nice home and don't have another kid. But u r perfectly fine. As I said just do ur job of taking care of ur kid. it's hard work but it's wroth it.