A question about sex that might have to do with mental disorders...?

Question

I already asked this in the relationship catagory but I want to see if anyone else has any other comments on this... let me know...Thanks.

ok my bf thinks that girls who like their hair pulled or to be spanked or saying things during sex is weird, He says he thinks girls who are like that have mental problems from childhood or something, is this true? I almost feel like I cant express myself because he thinks its weird... Im not sure what to think of this...he told me once with his ex she said to pull her hair and right then he got up and left... so i dont know....

Answer 1

No, you're not weird. A little kinky, maybe, but what's wrong with that? And it sounds like you'd be a lot of fun in bed, so it's too bad your b/f's too repressed and uptight to appreciate you. From everything you say, he's the one with problems.

If you can't persuade him to be a bit more open-minded, it might be best to move on and find yourself a guy who's as healthily raunchy as you. Good luck!

Answer 2

Everyone has different things that they like during a sexual experience, and even if it is a bit different than what one would expect, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have had bad experiences when they were younger.

It's all about the way in which the play is initiated, how safe it is (emotionally, physically, etc.), and whether or not both partners are willing to play. If what you like doesn't turn him on, he's not saying you are a bad person or messed up (even if this is what he "says" out loud) -- he's saying he's not comfortable with it for some reason, and is using those other reasons to stop the play. And perhaps, it brings up some "stuff" from his own past. But again, maybe not, maybe he just doesn't like it.

Sexuality needs to be explored together -- but generally on the terms of the person who seems to be having issues opening up and trying new things. An experience can't be rushed -- all involved have to be ready. What does he like? Why? Are you comfortable with his fantasies? Have you looked at sensual massage materials or read a book like the Joy of Sex, or the More Joy of Sex together -- or is he wary of things like that, too? You both have to work together to find a safe space to grow....

Answer 3

I think a little play or teasing, or whatever is good for a couple, as long as the mood stays adventurous and you are both consenting to the things you do together, and no physical or mental harm is inflicted, I wouldn't say there was a problem.
You can't force this type of thing on him though, because you wouldn't want him pressuring you to do things that you thought were too kinky for your tastes.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying things during sex. Every part of a relationship requires communication, and the bedroom needs it especially, because of situations like this, where peoples ideas of romance or fun collide sometimes.

Answer 4

The bf is the one with the problems. There's nothing wrong with expressing your passion in different ways, and pulling hair or spanking are fairly normal ways to be turned on, especially in the heat of the moment. It sounds like your bf has some hangups and is way too uptight for you. Don't let him make you feel dirty or ashamed, there's nothing wrong with you. Find someone who is creative and open-minded, and you will be able to explore a fuller, happier sex life.

Answer 5

I believe that is possibly your boyfriend with the "extra baggage" from childhood trauma. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with alittle "kinky" sex. What is weird is those persons demanding to be peed on or that want baseball bats anally inserted, senators soliciting underage boys or the people who go to Mexico just to watch a donkey "do" a female. Maybe you should rent one of those extremely "hard-core" porno flicks just to show your boyfriend what "WEIRD" really is and then he wouldn't be tripping over your innocent desires. Hope he either gets over it or you wise up and find a new boyfriend.

Answer 6

wierd is all on a spectrum. I personally don't think it is weird. Some like to be dominated some like to pull hair some like whip cream. As long as it is in fun it is fine. There are people who are abused who can be more masacistic during sex but i'm not sure if it is a bigger population than people who are not abused. Most people who are abused don't want to have sex at all. You are not weird. he is uncomfortable w/in himself and closed minded. maybe he was abused

Answer 7

appears like she's depressed, yet i'm no psychiatrist. could be something she must be for a at an analogous time as and according to risk she will paintings her very own way out of it. all and sundry she will confer with, church, grandparent, somebody she respects? i think of that's now common for a woman to bypass by using a time of no longer needing intercourse. in certainty, I in basic terms complete a singular wherein the female hero (39 years previous) has to deal between different issues with no longer playing intercourse together with her husband. that's referred to as the gathering, via Irish author Anne Enright, guy-Booker prize winner of 2007.

Answer 8

Based on my own personal life's experience i would say im a bit disturbed because of certain things that have happened in my life i find that having "kinky" relations actually is an outlet for the issues i have with control and repressed feelings

Answer 9

You DON'T have a disorder and you're not weird. To each their own and if he's turned off by something that his partner is turned on by, then they're not compatible. It doesn't mean either is wrong; it's just the way the person is. Both have the right to whatever turns you on or off.

Answer 10

It's a very common thing but obviously not for everyone. He's probably young and or inexperienced. Or maybe he was taught that by his over protective parents. Either way compatability is very important in long term relationships so think very long and hard before you go any further with the bf in my opinion.