How do you pull yourself our of a deep depression?

Question

I can usually fight off depression. Lately I just feel so depressed. I have been hurt by a lot of people. I have always been shy, but after getting a computer and internet, I thought I had found some wonderful friends online thru a group I started. After about 3 years of blissful ignorance of how some people can be, and how easy to hide their true selves on the net, some of these people started rumors and told so many lies about me to destroy me and the group. They did destroy the group and my sanity and mental health is hanging by a thread. How can I put all of this behind me and get on with life. It has been over 2 years since things started falling apart, and the people will not leave me alone. They take great joy out of making me miserable. I find it hard to keep going.

Other than the depression, I have a lot of other health problems, to the extent that I am alsmot an invalid. Getting out and moingling with others was never easy for me. That is why I was so happy to meet people and "make friends" on the internet. I wish I had never got a computer in the first place. And I do have pets, little chihuahuas. If not for them, I really would not have a reason to get up in the morning, to live.

I want to thank all of you who answered. It helps to talk about the problem. I havee trouble putting my feelings into words when in front of someone. I am going to be okay. I always manage to pull myself thru one of these spells, but this is one of the worst. Just know I appreciate the time you took to answer. It was hard choocing a best answer, because all of them were great.

Answer 1

Pulling yourself out of anything that is really deep is hard. That is the first thing to recognize.

You sound like you have some experience but the reality of this particular situation has you overwhelmed. But, unlike some people who just sound miserable and do nothing...there is a hint of talent and passion in your voice. It is this skill that you need to draw on now.

Of course there is no magic formula. But here are a few thoughts. I hope that just one of these things inspire you to trudge through this dark moment and head toward a new direction.

First, blissful ignorance doesn't exist. Honestly. I don't know if you actually had a feeling that these "wonderful friends" weren't authentic...but now you know. So technically you are much wiser now. Give yourself credit for handling things so far.

Second, lies imitate reality. Why would anyone try to destroy a group unless the group (or the concept behind it) was based on a truth that they did not want to surface. Remember, people only destroy what they fear. You touched nerves. I don't know what the lies were but if you were strong enough to start a group and convince yourself that these people were deserving participants, you have the power to change the reality that you are experiencing now. Be strong.

Third, getting over something is a simple as accepting reality. Reprogram yourself. Yep...you got suckered...for a while. You are much smarter now. Yes, they are very destructive. But in the long run, you will recover and they will simmer and die in the poison that they create. They may not leave you alone, but you can leave them. Close your eyes and ears to them. Say the words that make you strong and look beyond the words they say that you LET them use.

Recognize that you have the power to change anything at all in yourself. You can not change the past, you can not change others....but you can change absolutely everything about what you believe is real.

So change it. Believe in a new dream. And when the memory of what happened surfaces (as it will), remember that it is a memory. That means it is not real anymore. Something is only real if you let it be real in your heart. Let it go. Slap your self on the hand, everytime you think back...then smile and say it is not real anymore.

Change, relief from depression, is 100% dependent on changing what you think. Just practice. It is like riding a bike. The longer you do it, the easier it is...

Good luck, you will do fine. Just practice. And if you can't smile...fake it. Only you will know and research shows that a smile leads to more happiness in your life.

Answer 2

Life is like that for everybody at some point. You have to move past the difficult things that happen in life. Its okay to be upset for a little while but you have to leave it behind. People can only make you miserable if you let them,so don;t alllow it anymore,leave the negative people in the past and move on. I know how frustrating it is to have people do and say things that you would think that people would know better than to do. The online world can be very decieving,you don't know who is really sitting behind that computer.The fact that people can lie and make up a great story of who they are is what attracts so many people here.They are affraid of who they really are. You need something to look forward to so your mind can remain busy. Find a new group to join ,or start a new group.You cant waste away your life dwelling on negative people,they are not worried about you so that should help you realize that you are better then that. People like to make people feel how you are feeling right now,they enjoy this,its entertaining to them. Make yourself refuse the situation and the depression you are in. Take a deep breath and let it go,move on to something that interests you. You will come across a few good people along the way so try not to push everyone away to protect yourself.

Answer 3

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Branch out from the internet, as organized groups there are notorious for intrigues and personal attacks. This is something I have noticed ever since my very first "flame war" in 1996 over an obscure point in an episode of Babylon 5.

As for things you can do to help pull yourself up, I can suggest from my own experience that vigorous physical exercise helps clear negative thoughts and charge you up at the same time. The trick is making yourself do it regularly so that you get the benefit of it. Some scientists have suggested that mild depression can be self-treated with exercise in this way.

Also, get involved in real life groups, but hang back until you know what you're dealing with. Don't invest your emotional self in them--just do things you find interesting and be pleasant and others will want to know you. That will lead to friendships that are more rounded than the faceless ones you might be able to scare up quickly on the internet. I hope this helps! Cheers!

P.S. I notice on your additional info that you have dogs; that is DEFINITELY a step in the right direction. There's nothing so spirit-lifting as a pet who gives you unconditional love. If you have physical problems and are not able to just get out and exercise, perhaps physical therapy would help you build not only your physical health but give you some positive motivation, so that you do not feel helpless against physical incapacity. I knew a guy who was almost a quadriplegic (had partial use of hands only), but he faithfully went swimming and exercised regularly and never gave in to it. He was one of the coolest people I ever knew, and he could make some of the most outre jokes...rarely did he let his disability rule him, and even with partially paralyzed arms/hands, he managed to draw really great cartoons; it just took him longer, but the result was always worth seeing! Just don't give in to something that looks hopeless, because you can always do something with it!

Answer 4

I am sorry for your loss.... You sure have had more than your fair share. While I do not suffer from depression, I do have one friend who has just recently overcome a 20 year depression, for many of the same reasons. She was pretty much at the end of her rope and wanted to just wrap it around her neck and die... pretty much like you are sounding. Then, she decided that she was too young to give up (54) and went to see another doctor... actually she just went to a clinic in her area for referrals. She also went to talk to the pastor at a local church. With her new drugs and a support group, she started feeling better and started becoming more involved in life again. Now she is thriving. She has a new job, she walks every day which renews her energy, and she has a new outlook on life (even better than mine!!!). She takes one day at a time, and enjoys each day fully. The way I see it, the past is behind you and you have at least 30 more good years left in you!!!! Take charge of your life and move forward... While you will never get over some of the pain and heartache you are feeling, you can learn how to cope better with that pain.

Answer 5

Change your e-mail address and move on. Get involved with some groups in "Real Life" with "Real People". The Internet is fun and fine, but there is a life other than cyber space. Do some Volunteer work. Helping others is very good therapy. Or get involved with your church group in some way. If you have a good singing voice, join the choir for example. There is so much to do to keep you occupied you won't have enough time to get depressed :)

Answer 6

Honestly I think you are on the right track by stating that your dogs give you reason. When I am in the same way I wake up and each morning make myself find a reason to get out of bed whether its that first cup of coffee or the fact that if I don't I'll lose my job. I can understand about the shy part but have faith in the fact that there is many people who are shy too and they tend to attract each other. Keep your chin up and remember life doesn't put anything in your path you can't handle (that one always helps me) Hope it helps

Answer 7

I feel very sorry for you it is called bulling,i know it well as my daughter gets bullied all the time at school. Try a new link and file a complaint about them to the police. join some sort of group off line and meet some new people that you can have fun with off the computer and on line. i wish you all the best and will send good thoughts your way keep your chin up.

Answer 8

they are doing this because they know you will react to it in a bad way. that is what they want to happen. you have to stop relying on people so much and start living life for yourself. your so much better than them. if they think it is funny to mess with you, they are wrong. im sure your a great person. dont be so shy. go out there and find someone who you can have a good time with, but not put your life on them. the internet is a bad place to find a friend. just go out there and take a leap of faith and find a person who you can have a good friendship with.

Answer 9

You might start exactly where the problem lies, within yourself. That sticks and stones crap is for children, not adults. What people are saying about you does not define who you are. If I call you a pig, do you turn into a pig ? I do not condone negative behaviour,like, "THEY made me mad". Your getting mad was your reaction towards their actions which you didn't like. Using your logic they are in control of your every emotion, they will make you mad whenever it suits their need.Every lie, every jab, every insult is a button they can push to set you off. You showed them which buttons control what emotion. Disconnect these buttons from your emotions, set yourself free, rid yourself of these embasils once and for all. One more thing. When you give value to the opinions others have or speak of you, you are giving them power over what you think of yourself. Your opinion of yourself should be worth 100 times more than the opinions of others. If someone came up to me and said, "your disgustingly fat and you make me sick". If I wanted to get back at this person,all I have to do is show up around him and he would get upset all over again. Why ?, because he gave me that power. I can ruin his day whenever I feel like it. As long as he demonstrates the same reaction, I am in control. If he were to stop his remarks, and say he talks nice to me, sits with me, then he has taken away the power I had to MAKE HIM MAD!! Now, depression. That is a state of mind, not a physical condition.
God made you, and God doesn't make junk. He gave you wisdom to overcome sadness, he gave you courage to overcome fear, he gave you love to overcome hate. If everyone in this world told me they hated me,but Jesus told he me he will always love me, I would be the happiest guy on earth. These people are of the devil in this world, I, on the other hand, have Jesus on my side. Jesus has already defeated the devil, he no longer has power over me. Who do you want on your side ?

Answer 10

Well you make appointments with several therapists who have free consultations to see which one you would most like to work with.

You can get a prescription for anti-depressants until you have resolved some of the issues and time has healed your wounds.