how do i deal w/girlfriends out of control 8 yr old?

Question

my girlfriends 8 year old son crys, whines and balls his fist at her. he is a spoiled brat . his behavior is a direct result of his up bringing.most mornings he will try to convince her he is sick. he stays home sleeps in and is up and running. the other day he and my daughter, age 8 were horse playing. he was accidently hit on the back. he then assaulted her .his anger makes him lash out. i care about his mom, but after the assalt on my kid and his behvior before school, i now look at him differently. i want to b nice , but i am short w/ him . i am now looking at his mom differently, cause she is the cause.

Answer 1

U DO NOTHING

Since this is not your child, your not responsible. If you don't like how she is raising him, you have the choice to leave. Your a outsider to this boy, and seen as such. I suggest putting off all your companionship wants and just concentrate on your daughter's needs until she reaches adulthood (she should be your "ONLY" priority now), then jump back in the game should you want.

Answer 2

You have every right to be upset. Sit the mother down and calmly explain your concerns. If she won't listen or won't try to see your side, tell her you'll walk. Your daughter has to be your number one priority. Good luck. Blended families are so difficult. What you don't want is for this to continue and your daughter to start mimicing this boy's behavior or to act out in other ways because of it.

As an aside, I would think twice about leaving your daughter in the care of a woman who doesn't seem to know how to say no to a child.

Answer 3

I think you should just calmly "take note" that now that the kids are the age they are they're getting into a "cats and dogs" kind of thing. ("Its natural that girls and boys this age don't get along, but we should probably plan to get together with the kids as much as possible.")

The only other option would be to say the thing about how they're getting to the age where they won't be getting along very well (like sisters and brothers, you know), and if you'll be getting together you should probably go somewhere like a place to eat or a movie or some other structured activity; because left on their own they fight.

Something I noted though: Your question says, "...he was accidentally hit on the back. he then assaulted her..". I understand you may be accurate about the accidental hit, but it struck me that you didn't say, "My daughter accidentally hit his back..". Its just interesting, isn't it.....

One other related to thought to types of activities: Don't let them have the opportunity for horseplay. Generally, no matter who does that someone always gets hurt and someone always gets angry. This isn't the kid you want angry at your daughter, so make it clear to them that that one is a girl and one is a boy; so that kind of play isn't going to be happening. Your daughter is at an age where she may benefit from having less wild play too. (I once worked at my local elementary school playground, and I was horrified that there were girls in sixth grade - as big or bigger than I was - rolling around in the mud with expensive jackets on.)

I think you should mention to your friend that active but constructive play or else athletic activities are on thing; ;horseplay isn't constructive or athletic. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to plant the idea in her head that her kid could use as much structured or at least constructive, positive, activities as possible.

Answer 4

If you and his mother's relationship is serious then you need to take the upperhand. some people might think this is a little harsh but in a case like this you need to put a little fear into him, respect comes from fear and since the child has obviously had no discipline you need to snatch him up i am not saying beat him !!! but a little swat on the behind with your hand to adjust his attitude won't hurt him. also something to consider is the anger issue what about his father, is there the possibility that he is being beat on by his father then his mother allows him to walk all over her? she also needs to pop his butt, if she doesn't get a handle on him NOW!!! she is going to be in a world of trouble in a couple of years. maybe suggest some parenting classes for her to learn how to discipline him. she just needs to be consistant , no threatening to do something and then not following through, that can be worse than doing nothing at all.

Answer 5

Do not let anyone tell you that you are wrong, you are right. Bad children are a problem and most of the time their natural parents do not see the ugly in the child the way outsiders do. You're just gonna have to lay down some ground rules for both the child and his mother (because she obviously needs your guidence). Be firm but gentle. Every child needs a strong and wise male figure to teach him important life skills (like respect and honesty). Good luck.

Answer 6

It's a good idea to see the mother differently because she had a direct influence on him. The best thing to do is be a good influence for him. Don't show him anymore anger because it appears he's already had enough of that. Act the way you would want him to act. Have you talked to your girlfriend about this? Talk to her about how she would like you to act around him (after all, it is her kid) and why he acts this way.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

oof, this is a toughie...im no expert, but i would offer that you might want to just flat out tell her exactly what you just told us...i mean it doesnt get any more clear than this..if shes unwilling to take any action toward the nuisance of her boy and the SAFETY and happiness of your little girl, kick her to the curb....dont be mad at the boy though, its easier said than done i know, but think about how he is being raised.....let her know how you feel and WHERE YOU STAND..give her an ultimatum because either way your gonna start resenting her anyway...you sound like a good dad, keep it up and GOOD LUCK!=0)

Answer 9

Visit your friend without her son, maybe make "girls lunch" dates. Keep your daughter away from him before a serious accident happens.

I know it's hard watching people make mistakes raising their kids, but there really isn't anything you can do and she'll probably resent any suggestions.

Answer 10

Try to limit the time you and your daughter spend with him. I don't blame you for being short...someone needs to be short with him. :) She's not doing him any favors.