Info on adoption and orphanages and fostering.?

Question

Hi,
my husband and I would like the addition of a baby girl into our family. The biggest issue for us is helping a child in need. If anyone has experience and knowledge on this that would be very helpful. I am considering all three because traditional adoption can be soooo expensive and I feel that it's really sad especially when there are millions of kid's sitting in orphanages and in foster care not getting any love and affection when they could be in a safe and loving family.

Answer 1

As a practical matter there are few babies available through social services in the U.S. The older children that are available come with a lot of baggage. I have adopted two. My kids are absolutely amazing, but they also went through two failed adoptions with people who were well intentioned but did not have a clue in the world about dealing with rather routine problems.
One family that intended to adopt my kids started out wanting a baby, but as it became clear that babies were not readily available, they got impatient and started looking for older children. The other family knew my kids through church and thought they were doing "the right thing" by taking them in. Both situations failed miserably.

1) Do not expect adopting a child--particularly an older child--to be the same as raising a child from infancy. Love, patience and humor can overcome a lot, but it does not change what the child has been through. Babies who were neglected may have suffered harm they may never fully overcome.

2) Do not expect the child to be grateful anytime before the age of 30. This seemed to play a huge role in both failed adoptions my kids went through. The parents felt they were doing a good deed by giving my kids a "good home"; and were taken aback when nothing they did was ever appreciated.

My son tells me nearly every day that I'm the second best mom in the world. That's on the good days (and most are good). If that's not good enough for you, do not adopt.

3) There are not a lot of happy, mentally stable people who give up their children for adoption. Expect mental health issues, both biological and environmental, and utilize mental health care options.

4) Don't adopt a social services child to save money.

5) Be willing to deal patiently, calmly and forgivingly with lying, stealing, bed-wetting, sleep walking, anger, picky eating, nightmares, despair, inappropriate conduct, inappropriate language, etc. and the effect these will have on your biological children.

6) I recommend that an adopted child be either an only child, that you only have adopted children, or that the adopted child be significantly younger than any biological children. In many ways it will be a little like a sick or disabled child, in that it will take more time than a confident, well adjusted child. That said, there is no one formula for success.

7) Be willing to ask for and accept help from your community and don't make any commitment you will not follow through on. Failed adoptions are of no help to a child who has already lost everything.

All this said, you are right, there are millions of children that need homes. If you can truly provide a loving forever home, go for it. One way to get to know some children is to provide respite care--short term foster care to relieve the primary foster care parents.

Answer 2

about 6 yrs ago we adopted a little girl it was the best thing we have every done
we did foster to adopt with a foster care agency ,sometimes it can be alot of work but you have to let the agency know what
you want to do and they will work with you. we did not have to pay for the adoption it was done with the Swan adoption service they handle foster to adopt children. Try calling DHS in your area to get more information. i hope this has help.

Answer 3

good luck with the adoption, we have been trying for a year,, seems like every time we turn around a new bill comes up about the adoption. We are calling it quits. It just amazes me that with so many kids needing homes that they make it impossible unless you are rolling in money.

Answer 4

well my mother and father does foster care and it takes a lot of energy out of them. the never have time for there selfs. alot of the kids are very messed up emotional problems in there lifes.

Answer 5

i'm an adoptee and social worker who has under no circumstances lived in a team living house yet labored in one for over 2 years and labored WITH the infants who lived in them for a lot longer. In our living house, we DID have 6 of the 8 issues on "the techniques"s record... i assume meaning our state is (or replace into on the time) doing nicely... so a lot greater advantageous than some in the event that they perform with not one of the flaws on his/her record. between the flaws we did not have replace into "living house mothers and fathers" in the experience that "the techniques" shows. whilst I agree that it would be unquestionably perfect, in our state, a minimum of, it would be fullyyt impractical by way of fact it would be a techniques too high priced. For one venture, our living house -- which replace into an honestly living house in an honestly community without signage or any seen difference from the different living house -- replace into authorized to absorb as much as 22 infants (19 if we had 2 babies under 2 years previous). it rather is only too many infants for ONE couple to shield. Our paintings tension ranged from 2 people (on the in one day shift) to 4 (optimal) people on the afternoon shift. what number paintings tension have been assigned replace into based upon what number infants have been placed at any given time. as nicely, our in one day paintings tension have been required via regulation to stay wakeful for the completed shift -- and we did (I labored in one day for portion of the time i replace into there). that would not be available without changing paintings tension. between the flaws we DID have replace into therapy every day -- which i presumed (and nevertheless think of) is outstanding. i will inform you, nevertheless, that in the time of our state it would be one or the different... not the two. We only did not, and don't, have the fee variety for the two. as much as I unquestionably agree that having the two may well be in each and every baby's terrific activity, i might do it the way we did it if i might desire to only pick one. you're welcome to touch me in case you may desire to ask further, particular questions. in case you're searching for for solutions from people who lived and/or labored in honestly orphanages (which only exist outdoors the rustic), i will likely get you in touch yet won't placed up their concepts in a public communicate board. Take care~

Answer 6

www.adoption.org should help