My boyfriend is having a really hard time getting over his ex. They were together for 6 years, they had a good relationship at first but she just never told him what was on her mind. She's in her mid 20's and is 6 years younger than him. They were together for about 4.5 years and she just out of no where told him that she's moving out. So they ended the relationship then she got into an accident (driving under the influence) and her bills piled up, so he took her back, telling her to just take care of her bills that he will pay for everything. During the next year and a half the relationship was okay. He asked her to try and get her stuff taken care off and work towards their goals. Well she never really did. The creditors were calling and she was just a mess, still not taking care of the things she agreed to. She still went out with her friends and he was not welcomed. He finally told her to move out. He still loves her and loves me as well. He feels guilty for that, help. What to do.
2006-10-30 10:49:10 · 12 answers · asked by inabind 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for all your answers, the last time he spoke to her was a month after he told her to leave. He hasn't seen her nor talked to her. He's a really great guy. He's asked for my help, and I've given him some suggestions but he's done the majority of them and still has issues. He's seen therapists, they pretty much just tell him to get a life and it will pass. He knows that he could never live with her because of the things that happened. He's told me that he believes that he's in love with this factitious image of her and that that's not who she true was. He's question to me is how do I tell my heart to stopping loving this image of a person that is not real. My mind knows but my heart doesn't. Then he says he feels guilty that maybe he didn't try hard enough to get through to her and help her, that maybe he could have been more patient. So with this, what can I do. I love him & I he loves me, talking marriage & kids within nxt 2 yrs. How can I do that, if he's not over her
2006-11-01 15:30:26 · update #1
There's no good way to break this to you -- you are involved with someone who is stuck in an emotional mess, and will probably not be able to be fully involved with you.
No other way to say it -- you probably ought to leave him until he makes up his mind what he wants. Don't issue an ultimatum or play games, and don't spend weeks negotiating this or trying to force him to make a choice -- walk away for your own sake. It's going to hurt at first, but you're going to have to be strong, and mean business.
If he ever wants to get back together with you, it is going to have to be after he is over her and ready to move on, or he is going to put you through hell.
2006-10-30 10:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by sparticle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has so much invested in her that he just can't bare to admit it was a mistake to take her back...how do you get to the point where you can admit that it is a mistake to help someone that you have been intimate with? At least that is the impression that I get from reading the question...You may want to start asking him what he thinks he owes her...get him to spell it out...and point out that the debt has been paid many times over. He is just going to have to see that he can't fix everything...and if he tries, he will just wreck his new relationships.
On the bright side, he don't sound like the sort of person who will abandon you when times get hard either...so you may want to invest a little time in him here. Good Luck.
2006-10-30 10:57:18 · answer #2 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes its hard top let go. I had an ex who died in 9-11.. even though I am married.. I still feel like I am in love with a ghost too. if they had joint accounts and such and she is not taking care of her part, he needs to see an attorney and find out what his rights are to protect himself from creditors or take legal action against her. It sounds like she was and maybe still is using him. Its hard to give 6 years of your life, heart and mind to someone and not still feel something for them. But the fact that he kicked her out and Loves you means he knows that she was unhealthy for him and needed to move on.
2006-10-30 10:56:46 · answer #3 · answered by grapelady911 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make the ultimatum that he either chooses your or his ex-girlfriend who obviously uses him as door mat. This guy is lucky to have someone like you that is trying to understand his feelings. However, he is in the relationship with you and if he cares for you, he will have no further contact with this woman and allow for his life to move forward with you. If he can not do this, then you need to count your losses and leave him. It is time for your boyfriend to become a man.
2006-10-30 10:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by Randy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that he went above and beyond the call of duty with her and its over now- holding on to his feelings for her is taking the attention off you and probably confusing the heck out of him. wow this is hard as both of you seem to be great people-maybe you should take a break and ask him to sort out his feelings.A week apart may replace him missing her to him missing you and realizing he's got a fresh chance
2006-10-30 10:54:28 · answer #5 · answered by cassiepiehoney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feelings are a mother aren't they? Some people miss the feelings for the wrong people, so you should get him to choose before it involves you. Let him see whats going on, while you show him how much you love him now.
2006-10-30 10:55:44 · answer #6 · answered by Jerome E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes using you as a rebound to fill in were she left off into he close that old chapter he can never start a new one with you .be smart look at the situation for what it is .love is such a blind word ..remove the word problem solved
2006-10-30 10:56:35 · answer #7 · answered by Dr shiznet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why be with someone that loves another person??
that just brings trouble to your relationship with him and am sure it stresses you..... just tell him straight out.... either he gets her out of his and your life...... or its over. move on, with someone that really loves you and only you, life keeps going.
2006-10-30 10:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by caifan_909 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he was free of both of you, he would come back to the one he truly loves
2006-10-30 10:53:16 · answer #9 · answered by MAC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a tough one.. I think I'll pass on this one.
2006-10-30 10:51:12 · answer #10 · answered by gabsters 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋