Is it weird.....?

Question

that I feel like I'm losing my Mother to a computer?

It drives me nuts when my Mother is on the computer 24/7. I have my own computer and she has hers. I live with her right now in Florida because my job was recently eliminated. For whatever reason it irks me when she's on the computer. She's on there all day and until the real late night hours looking up MTV and other teen bop places. It seems like all she ever talks about now is that kind of stuff. I'm not really into it. We don't really go out anymore either. I'm usually out with friends and don't really do the Mother/Daughter thing anymore.

I've tried talking to her about this, but she just says she can do whatever she wants.

I agree that it is her life and she should do whatever makes her happy, but sometimes I feel invisible to that computer! Maybe I'm the weird one....any recommendations on how I can not get angry about her being online?

Answer 1

Hi Lady Emma; i don't think you're weird at all to want your mother to pay some attention to you and spend some quality time with you.

Yes, it is her life, and you are both adults, but i think since you're both living under the same roof at the moment, there needs to be a certain level of communication. Even if only to discuss the mundane things like who's going to do the shopping, or cook dinner. (I know you want more than that, rightly so)

I admire you for trying to talk to your mother about how you feel; it's not easy to confront someone when they are often oblivious to how you feel.

Perhaps you can try to have one more talk with her, make her come away from the computer and sit in a quiet part of the house like the kitchen table or lounge room with a cup of coffee and have a heart to heart.

Suggest just one day a week, when it suits both of you, to have mother daughter time. You might want to catch a movie, go out for coffee, shop at the mall together, or just have a girls night in watching chick flicks. See what she thinks? Then the rest of the week it's each to their own life again.

I'm meeting my mum for lunch today; it's a free day for both of us, and it doesn't happen often, but we make the most of our time together.

Good luck, hope this helps a bit.

Answer 2

The way that you talk about her on the computer "24/7" sounds like she is becoming addicted to chat rooms and other websites. She may have a legitimate reason to be online but you may need to get outside help if she becomes too addicted. Also keep in mind she's your mother and mothers rarely listen to their children because of the mentality that mothers are supposed to teach us not the other way around. Just try to remain calm and ask her why she likes being on the computer so much, and I realize that you said you really aren't into the mother daughter things but maybe you two should set aside one day or one hour to talk about how your day, week, month, year is going. As to how you can not get angry about her being online so much, stop and think about what she thinks about your time online. Or just walk out of the room, get some fresh air outside, order a pizza, thai food, etc.

Answer 3

How does she survive financially just playing on the computer all day? It sounds like she is really lonely and the computer and its activites are taking the place of real life. Looking up MTV and teen ager stuff may indicate that she feels like her life is over and wishes she was young again? Once, when I got divorced and felt like I couldnt relate to anyone anymore I spent heaps of time talking to strangers on the internet and it was kind of comforting but all I did was eat and surf the net and it was kind of depressing really. I actually made a decision to start going outside and exercising and enjoying new hobbies like dancing and cooking schools and education and I met new people and my life improved - this might sound rediculous but now I make sure I do computing in moderation and make plans so I dont just stay inside and get sucked back into that zone.....

Answer 4

You lost your job and and returned home to your mother. She is not responding to you or what you are going through in the same way that she did when you were a child. She's treating you like an adult, someone whom she loves enough to share her home with, not as a child, but as an adult roommate. Count your blessings and find a job. You don't want to sink back into dependency. As for your mother's computer time, that's none of your business. Focus on getting out of there and back on your own.

Answer 5

Have you been assertive with your mother telling her that you are concerned about her excessive use on the computer? Also, you need to initiate conversation with your mother and possibly plan activities to get the two of you out of the house. Try a nice walk at the park or a trip to the mall. Find activities that will bring the two of you closer and try to keep her in the real world not the cyber world.

Answer 6

Ask her to set aside some time for just the two of you. Maybe a girl's day out or something. If she refuses I don't know what you can do (unless you break her computer, lol). I have this problem with my husband. He comes home and is on the computer all evening until he goes to bed. Now I get on here and it doesn't bother me so much but i still think there are better ways to spend our time.

Answer 7

It is obvious that your mother is obsessed with the computer, so if you want her to pay more attention to you, then, by all means, tell her! You did not really say what it was that made you angry that she was on the computer, so I assume you want her to spend more time with you.

If she tells you she can do whatever she wants, tell her she can, but that the computer is cutting into your relationship with her, and tell her how you feel. Even if she doesn't say anything, and even if it is tough for you to express yourself with her, if you want her to react, then I believe that is the most sensible and honest way to approach it.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

It sounds like she has been doing this for quite a while. You are just finding out since living with her.

My question to you is "Why is your Mother's behavior bothering you so?

It's her home, her life, she is your mother, you are living at her home which is beneficial to you at this time. Be grateful!

She could be doing a lot of worse things.

Enjoy your Mom, she won't always be around!!

Good luck to you.

Answer 10

If you want to be mean about it hide her computer... lol or try getting her "out" more like going shopping with her or something.. just an idea But no it isn't wierd in my oppinion