Mother-In-Law Help?

Question

My Mother-in-law is causing a great deal within my family and with the holidays coming up I know the stress time is really coming. Here are my issues with her:
1)she pops pills to goto sleep & to wake up-because of this her memory is shot. She can't remember anything (even her sons birthday)
2)she refuses to change our son (her ONLY Grandchild)-she has insisted on babysitting him but will not change him
3)she chooses to ignore us whenever we say anything. (ex. - she wanted to give our son a sucker, he had a sore in his mouth that the doctor told us no sweets, we told her numerous times "NO" but she still gave the boy the sucker)
4)she expects us to be at her every beck & call-no matter where we are we are expected to race home so she can spend her monthly 10 minute visit with us. If we don't race home she does nothing but guilt trip my husband making life not fun.
I could go on for days but I won't. Any suggestions on how to handle her? We've talked to her but it doesn't help

We don't let her look after our son due to the fact that she won't look after him. As far as holiday stress I don't want to keep our son from her as she is his Grandma but how she acts will stress out my husband which of course will dominoe onto me. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has these issues with family???

I just want to let everyone know that we DO NOT let her babysit our son. She had 2 chances to look after him so we could goto dinner (2 hours away each) and she failed so we don't leave our pride & joy with her anymore.
Yes he is our son and we would NEVER do anything to jepordize him. We figured she raised 4 kids she knew what she was doing...we were wrong and know she is incapable of child-rearing.

Answer 1

I would very simply, very emphatically, tell her that this is your family, you will raise your child the way you chose. I see that you tried talking to her before. This time, make things very clear, no holds bar! tell her again and proving to her that you will not be running to her every beck-n-call and no matter what. Don't cave. It's your family she's messing with. Her son made that choice when he married you. She just needs a real reality check and you sound like the perfect one to give it to her.
I would also suggest talking to your husband (of course) and let him, if you haven't already, know exactly what you plan to do.
And by Gawd if she does something, i.e. give your child a sucker after being asked not to. Be sure she is looking, take it from him and toss it. Make it very evident that you are in control.
Best of luck!
~T~

Answer 2

Don't handle her at all. The issue with the lollipop is not something that you can do anything about. Of course, if it becomes more serious, that's a different issue. If her behavior is causing your son to regress, it is definitely an issue.

Tell her that until she starts respecting your wishes as parents, she can't see her grandson.

Also, her personal actions are not anything that can be changed. Her drug use is disgusting, but not anything you can change.

Keep your son away from her. You sound like a great parent.

Answer 3

>1)she pops pills to goto sleep & to wake up-because of this her memory is shot
Well, we all have our own choice to make in life... poor though they may be.

>2)she refuses to change our son
Set down ground rules. "You can babysit him, but if he has a dirty diaper when we get home, you're grounded from babysitting young lady!"

>3)she chooses to ignore us whenever we say anything.
Anything??
Realistically speaking though, you have to have boundaries. Accept the fact that Grandma IS going to spoil her ONLY grandson, then decide how much spoiling you'll allow.

>4)she expects us to be at her every beck & call
Boundaries, Babe. Affirm your love for her, then let her know how it is. She doesn't push you around as much as you let her push you around. If she pulls out a guilt trip, call her out on it, and tell her it won't work

Answer 4

From what I am reading sounds like mommy dearest need a stint in rehab, And since she is on pills I wouldn't leave my child with her to change his diaper. And if I told her no sucker if she gave it to him I would have taken the sucker and threw it in the trash and left her house.
Does you husband realize his mother has a drug problem ? He should tell her mom I love you but I have a wife and child that I am responsible of taking care of, If you want to get help then I will do all I can to help you but if not then I will protect my wife and child from your life style choices

Answer 5

Wow!
If she's popping pills to sleep and to wake up, I wouldn't have her watch my son anymore.
When she comes to visit tell her no sweets or no visiting.
Your husband must be a very strong man for putting up with her this long, but then again it's his mom, so I can understand, he's trying to just keep the peace.
Your husband is the one that needs to tell her these things because she probably won't listen to you at all.
Sometimes moms can be too controlling and it's hard but sometimes we have to speak up.
Just remember this when your children are grown.
That's what I try to do.

Answer 6

I see that life is hard. The only one that I can help out on is #2--Dont allow any abuser of narcotics ever babysit your child, that is putting him in harms way.And if your husband gets upset, remind im that this is your life too. Make your meals at your house at your leisure. Invite whomever you want to, and cook what you want.Life is short enjoy every Holiday like it were your last.

Answer 7

How you can let this woman babysit your son but not really 'take care' of him is nauseating. You are his mother...protect him! Stand up for him, he has no one else. Who gives a rats if she bitc*es about it. Turn the ringer off. If your husband still want to have a relationship with this woman, then let him go ahead, but he needs to stop putting his own child at risk in order to save himself from guilt.
And get a spine. The fact that you allow this woman around your son when she neglects him makes me wanna slap you myself.

Answer 8

You mention that she has a memory problem right at the beginning. It may not be that she is disregarding your instructions as much as problems with cognizance. She may be taking meds that are contra-indicated (working against each other), or the drugs themselves may be causing dementia. It may be a medical problem like "Alzheimer's". Try to convince her to get an exam. If necessary, have your husband help her.

Answer 9

This is where your husband needs to stand up to his mother and be assertive about her short comings. This includes not allowing her to make him feel guilty because he's not there for her beckoning call. Your husband's responsibility is with you and the child, that is his immediate family. He has to assert his position strongly. You too have to be strong with your assertive stance with your mother-in-law. Act as a united front and do not allow her to wedge herself between your family.

Answer 10

Sounds like you need to find someone else to take care of your child, i don't understand how this is causing stress to the holidays, just i have much more problems with my mother-in-law but you don't hear me crying