My partner and i are planning on getting eloped but he wants to have an engagement party because he has a large family they all know that we are not having a wedding. Is it rude to ask people to pay for their head. We are asking Adults to pay for themselves which include food and drink and my partner and i are paying for the children.
2006-10-30 09:40:15 · 20 answers · asked by caramel_gsr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If we do go along with this we are stated on the invite that
1 We are not having a wedding
2 That payment for their meal would be the gift to us as we already live together and dont wish our guests to give gifts
2006-10-30 09:53:21 · update #1
Reason for asking guest to pay for their own head is that their are 200 adult guests and 150 children times this is the reason we are not having a wedding and only 45 of those guests are my family and friends so my parnter has a very large family. Only other thing i can think of it peheaps pay for the food and just let guests know that drinks are at bar prices
2006-10-30 12:36:27 · update #2
#2 makes a difference.
Most of these people are probably aware of your living situation so this might be okay. You will need to explain it, but you can carry this off.
Tell them that you'd love to have them attend to celebrate - and ask for no gift, but that they help cover the cost. I suspect you won't have to cover for anyone - there will be some who will help more than their own cost.
Best of luck - but be sure to explain!
2006-10-30 09:57:39 · answer #1 · answered by tigglys 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Oh, my God, are you serious?!?!
You have a TON of etiquette problems going on here-- first and foremost being: It is NEVER OK to ask guests to pay their own way for anything. They are GUESTS, and by definition do NOT pay for anything the HOST is serving themor providing for them. Not food, not drink, not parking, not coat check, not service costs, not tips. That is ALL the financial responsibility of the HOST(s) (the people extending the invitations).
It does not matter if you tell them the costs ahead of time on the invitations, it is still EXTREMELY rude and you will make fools of yourselves.
Second, it is RUDE to invite people to a wedding-related pre-wedding party (engagement, shower, bachelorette, etc) when you will not be inviting them to the wedding itself!
Thirdly, eloping means going off to get married SECRETLY. If you're planning it ahead of time and announcing it to people, it's NOT eloping. It's just a "intimate wedding ceremony with no guests."
Please, get a reliable etiquette book before you plan any further. Rude bridal couples are remembered and talked about for generations-- don't do that to yourselves.
2006-10-30 21:13:45 · answer #2 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's not acceptable. If you can't afford to throw the party, invite less guests or don't have one. It's that easy. I would be stunned if I received an invite to ANY family/friend 'party' and was asked to pay my own way. It would be horribly tacky. You need to pay for not just food, but alcohol for your guests, along with entertainment. You can even 'limit' the bar to beer & wine are comp, but all other drinks are no-host. Otherwise, don't have the party.
It would not be considered a 'gift' to you. It would be rude and tacky.
2006-10-30 13:17:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you ask me I think that's rude because these people will be bringing you gifts and then expected to pay for their own dinner. It would have cost you a lot more money if you would have had a wedding, so it would show appreciation to your guests if you two paid for the party you're hosting. Otherwise don't throw the party at all.
2006-10-30 09:48:17 · answer #4 · answered by infernal_seamonkey 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
One thing to remember is to NEVER expect gifts at a wedding. My FI and I thought about asking people to donate money towards our honeymoon (since like you we live together and have acquired what we need) but when I spoke with a wedding consultant, she said no way! And I am not sure about people footing their own food bill, if you are eloping you would be saving a lot of money anyhow. What are the reasons you want everyone else to pay?
2006-10-30 12:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by blondieblue98 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you're loose to do despite you prefer. I even have seen quite some bridesmaids placed on white or ivory. I truthfully have no concept why it relatively is seen as one in each of those enormous deal to have a hand on your guy or woman bachelorette social gathering. walking down the aisle on my own is great! (Hiring a male escort isn't) all people must be allowed to help %. out jewelry and attire. Etiquette is designed so as that folk understand the thank you to act. it relatively is in easy terms a collection of regulations so as that whether you're no longer great wealthy, you do no longer appear as if an fool at fancy dinner events. That way all people is composed of the enjoying container as equals. besides the undeniable fact that, weddings take it way way way too a ways. Why do human beings get so wrapped up in it? I have no concept, besides the undeniable fact that it relatively is a huge waste of time for my area. Do what works for you. Does a tree falling interior the woods make a valid? Does it nonetheless count huge style as impolite if no person cares approximately your meant etiquette infraction? in all probability no longer.
2016-10-21 00:33:03 · answer #6 · answered by schrum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is completely against wedding etiquette to make that request of your friends. If you want to have a party, then reduce your costs by having appetizers and non-alcoholic beverages. You could have wine or champagne for the adults at the toast.
If you are pressed for money, then try to return as many gifts as possible. It is not polite to put "no gifts, please" or something like that on the invitation. Try to spread the word through family and friends. Other than that, graciously accept the gifts and return what you don't like.
2006-10-30 10:17:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. Sounds like you are replacing your wedding reception by calling it an engagement party, so that would not be right to ask them to pay for anything, even booze. Good thing for your guests that gifts aren't required at engagement parties!!!
2006-10-30 23:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to tell you that honestly I think that it is very rude to ask people to pay for themselves. It is just not right to do.
You are expecting a gift by having an engagement party but also wanting people to pay for themselves.. I don't think so. I would find it offensive and rude and not attend.
I also find it rude to have an engagement party and tell them that you are NOT having a wedding.
If you are really set on doing something just have a pot luck get-together. That will omit people feeling as though they need to purchase gifts.
2006-10-30 11:28:52 · answer #9 · answered by Heather 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Normally the guest wouldn't pay for themselves. You invited them, not the other way around. That would kind of be rude. You should figure out a way to pay for them. If you can't, then don't have a reception, just elope.
2006-10-30 09:43:52 · answer #10 · answered by sea shell 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
No this is completely rude and out of line. You don't invite people to a party and then expect them to pay for it. What are you, a charity? If I got that kind of invitation, I'd rip it up and mail it back to you.
Your bf's family is going to have to suck it up. Seems to me that you don't need to invite 145 people that you don't see on a regular basis. If bf's family wants them there that badly, then they can pay for it. Pay for what you can afford or don't do anything.
By the way, you don't get eloped. You elope. It's a verb.
2006-10-30 12:47:31 · answer #11 · answered by Allison S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋