Ok, my best friend had a get together last friday. I helped her clean up and before I left her and her man were arguing pretty bad.
She's been frustrated with him because they live together and he works mon-fri and will not really put the effort to spend anytime with her. Her B day was 9/29 and he didn't get her anything, with the excuse he didn't have money, but he defiently was playing that game.
Anyway she calls me and tell me they were arguing pretty tough and he chocked her, kicked her, and that morning he grabbed her plastic belt with the little metal hoops, belt out of her jeans and began beating her with all his strenth. She has 4 or 5 little cuts from where the metal dug into her skin.
He apologized he said he didn't think a plastic belt would really hurt and didn't realize the plastic was metal could cut her and he was just trying to get her to leave him alone and stop yelling and screaming.
Know she can be intense, but does her behavior have anything to do with his.
Did I mention she is pregnant and very very hormonal.
Basically she forgave him becasue she feels she pushed him and made him so angry that he hit her.
I need some advice for her, I've never been through this so I really don't know.
2006-10-30 08:33:02 · 36 answers · asked by lamikashi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oh yea and she is 5 weeks pregnant and they just had a miscarriage in march and wasn't supprtive in her morning process.
2006-10-30 08:36:08 · update #1
and actually he is not black. My friend is from romania and she is dating a man who is greek
2006-10-30 09:14:11 · update #2
Pregnant is not an excuse to hit or beat anyone. It is never OK to be hit by anyone. That is abuse out right. She does not need to take the blame for being hit at all. Apologizing does not make it right for him to hit her period. If there is verbal or physical abuse she needs to end the relationship until he gets counseling and she needs to get counseling for herself.
2006-10-30 08:40:39 · answer #1 · answered by little3902 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, she should leave him. About that, there is no question. I've been in plenty of violent relationships (history repeatin itself over & over).
What u need 2 do is decide where u stand, as her friend. Obviously u r on her side, but u need 2 look 4 the ultimate goal 2 c which way u're gonna play it. Maybe get her out a bit more, so that she sees that she can still have a life without him, should she leave him (YIPPEE!)
Be cautious about just sayin she should leave him, & preachin 2 her, cos this may alienate her & result in the dissolution of ur friendship (really bad news 4 her & the baby)
There is also the whole tough love thing 2 try, though I've tried being hard on friends in the past, thinkin it'll force them 2 c the light, & it's just backfired on me. They just feel further isolated, & depend on the abusive man even more.
Good luck, x
2006-10-30 08:43:33 · answer #2 · answered by viv friend 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, NO, NO! IT IS NEVER OKAY AND IT IS NEVER HER FAULT! If this guy is so immature that he does not know how to argue/discuss fairly without hitting or to walk away to cool off if he feels he's getting out of control then she has more than just a problem with her hormones. If he uses the excuse now that he was "just trying to get her to leave him alone and stop screaming," what's to say he won't do the same thing to a helpless infant to stop it from screaming? She needs to get out of there now, and they both need some serious relationship/anger management counseling, before she ends up on the evening news as a battered woman...or worse.
2006-10-30 08:46:40 · answer #3 · answered by TraciS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is never ever ok for a man to hit a woman no matter how intense or hormonal she is. Men do it for power over the woman. Especially since she is pregnant. She should have reported this and left him. This man sounds like an ***. He did it once so chances are that he will do it again. This is ridiculous. This girl needs to have more respect for her and her baby. He could have gone to jail over this. Tell your friend to leave and dont look back. She probably wouldn't want her child seeing its mom being beat. Also if he does it to her then chances are he will do it to the child. Obviously he doesn't really love her if he doesn't do anything for her and hits her. If she refuses to leave him then when it happens again call the police on him.
2006-10-30 08:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by angel l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is absolutely not ok. That is the "spitting image" description of an abusive man. They are often apologetic afterwards, and it often makes the woman come back time after time. Don't fall for it. She needs to get away from this man, or at least make him get some counseling NOW.
By the way, if this is you and not actually a friend, please take heed to what people say here. You need to get away from him, and get him some help if he will accept it.
Do not accept being with him unless he is actively getting the counseling NOW. And make sure you can feel certain it is safe to be with him during the counseling, otherwise it might be best to stay away at least temporarily until he is doing better.
Ultimately, it may turn out that he can't change or doesn't want to change, and then it's time to get out and get away.
~Kyle
2006-10-30 08:36:09 · answer #5 · answered by Kyleontheweb 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing right about this scenario. Whether he loves her or not, the hitting, choking, etc.. is taboo. This is behavior that is totally unacceptable. She needs to get out now - this guy is dangerous and she is playing with a loaded gun. He sounds like a poor live in and would make a worse husband - tell her to run from this guy - she doesn't need this kind of treatment. He has real problems, and she is the fuse to an explosion.
2006-10-30 09:04:02 · answer #6 · answered by Doug R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it is never ok to be hit or beaten by the man you love and there is no excuse for it. he will try to make it seem like her fault, but it was done in anger when he was out of control. The best advice you could give your friend is to leave him now and dont look back. Once they start hitting you they will not stop and once they see that you will forgive them the beating will get worse and more frequent. GET HER OUT OF THERE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. Especially if she is pregnant.
2006-10-30 08:45:11 · answer #7 · answered by brendagho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the best thing she has right now is you. Don't abandon her, be there for her. I know you may want to go in and rescue her, but she is the one in the relationship and she is facing the abuse. She has decided to stay, and she most likely loves her man. Just like drug addict or alcoholics, the individual must make the decision to change. So the best thing to do is check on the Internet for possible resources. Provide her with pamphlets or casually bring up information that you read online. Don't shove it in her face, but let her know that she has options. Also pray for her.
2006-10-30 08:38:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER, it is never, never, never ok!!!
a man who is abusive wont just stop from one day to another.
IT IS NOT HER FAULT, no matter what u say or do nobody has the right to treat u this way!
your friend needs to learn to respect herself, but i think she has already entered the so-called "abusive-cycle" so i think it is very difficult for u to help her, she needs counselling right away. relationships like this go on to become very dependent and it is harder and harder to get away.in addition men like this do not like to be dumbed and may react violently in this case too. she may get really frightened later and YES, her life may be in danger, not because he may kill her (although this is happening too) but he may beat her to death accidentally too.
Violence is common to increase during pregnancy.
that is what abusive men do, batter, apologise, batter, apologise and so on.
the only thing u can do is help her seek professional help and as a friend, try to help her LOVE herself more and be more confident.
I would say Print all these answers and give them to her to have a look, maybe this will help her realise.
take care
2006-10-30 08:49:29 · answer #9 · answered by kourtina1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is Never okay for any man to put his hands on a woman! She needs to get out of that situation. Men who hit women cannot control themselves. There is no reason for any woman or man to stay in an abusive relationship. If she stays in this relationship, she is allowing him to continue the abuse and i dont think this is gonna be good for her and her child. Just be there for her.
2006-10-30 08:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋