I love limericks, tell me your favourite ones?

Question

there was a young man from devizes whose balls where of different sizes, one was so small it was no good at all, and the other won several prizes

Answer 1

An accident really uncanny
Befell a respectable granny:
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there
And bit herself in the fanny.

There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rumba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.

There was a young girl of Cape Cod
Who thought babies were fashioned by God.
But it wasn't the Almighty who lifted her nighty
But Roger the lodger,the sod!

Answer 2

There was a young girl from Mill Hill
Who Used Dynamite Sticks For Thrill
They Found Her Vagina In North Carolina
And Bits Of Her **** In Brazil

Answer 3

There once was a lady called Heather
Who married a Beatle in leather
McCartney was mad
'Cos he'd really been had,
And now everybody hates that loathesome woman and we all hope she rots in hell 'cos she's the nastiest b*tch ever

OK, I'm still working on making the last line fit...

Right, here's the finished 'PC' version...

There once was a woman called Heather
Who married a Beatle in leather
Paul McCartney went mad when he found he'd been had
And he wishes they'd not 'Come Together'

Answer 4

There once was a man from Peru,
who fell asleep in a canoe,
while dreaming of venus,
he played with his penis,
and woke up with a hand full of goo

Answer 5

mary had a bionic cow
that lived on safety pins
every time she milked that cow
the milk came out in tins

not quite a limerick but i've known this one 4 ages

Answer 6

There once was a man from spain
Who tied his di When the train went fast
He scraped his ar*e
And never did that again!

Answer 7

an old one i know

there was a woman from leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
it soon came to pass
she was covered in grass
and couldnt sit down for the weeds

Answer 8

There was a young lady from Ealing
who ad a peculiar feeling
It said on the door do not spit on the floor
so she got up and p*ssed on the ceiling

Answer 9

There once was a lesbian from Cancun
Who took a young man up to her room
They argued all night
About who had the right
To do what and how much and to whom.

Answer 10

There was an old man of Dundee,
Who came home as drunk as could be.
He wound up the clock,
With the end of his ****,
And buggered his wife with the key.