My boyfriend not telling other women he has a girlfriend?

Question

I borrowed my boyfriends phone today. I found messages from a girl who is asking why he isn't calling her back, that she loves him, that she misses him.
So I let my curiousity get the best of me and I went onto his computer (he always leaves himself signed in) and found messages from her, poems, and more of that "i love you" stuff. The only time it appears he responded to her since we've been going out, it is to tell her that he is really busy, and sorry that he hasn't gotten in touch with her.....he told her is if just way to busy with work. I also noticed that he writes to another girl, and says he has been busy, but will need to take a raincheck on their plans. Now he hasn't actually gone out with them since we've been dating, this I'm pretty sure of because we're together almost all the time, but because I found the message and then, yes, I admit it, SNOOPED through his mail, now I just keep wondering if he's keeping his options open. He is a great guy, what should i do?

How would I bring this up and not appear as though i was snooping? cuz I WAS!

Answer 1

i think that you should just confront him. you shouldn't put yourself through this pain just because your afraid to ask. if he's a cheater than you don't want to be with a cheater but if he's not then you should tell him how you feel. this stress is not something to keep in. to have a good healthy relationship, you need to talk about the problems and if will strengthen your relationship. during the summer i was on myspace, but since i deleted mine i don't go on any more. but i decided to check my bf's page and i seen this girl blowing up his page and then I went on her page. my bf was calling her sexy and stuff and i got mad. i found it disrespectful but i talked to him about it. i told them i was real hurt by what i saw. he told me that was just a girl that he was messing with on the internet but he would delete her off and everyother girl that i didn't know. he said that i was more important to him than any other girl, so maybe if you do the same then it could come out in your favor. and if he gets mad then dump him because he sees it as not a big deal and he disrespects you. you really don't need that.

Answer 2

I know its hard for you to be thinking about this endlessly but there is nothing YOU can do. Hopefully you have been a faithful loving girlfriend and has been loyal. You have done what is morally right when you are in a relationship. One thing we can't do is expect that from others, we can only control our actions and hope that they other will do the same. As for you testing him, well you were wanting to find out what was going on and so you found it. The results ended in you confronting him about it and he reiterated what he had told you before. There is a saying that goes "trick me once shame on you, trick me twice shame on me". Trust in a relationship is one of the major foundations without it, it crumbles. I have a suggestion for you. It might be really hard to do but if he really does love you, you'll see it through the ending result. Simply break up. Now I'm not saying you should never speak with him and do no contact, just give him what he wants -to be single-. He might get upset and confused but you must let him. There will be two results A or B. A- He will decide to date again and might possible see (a rebound) the girl he was talking to, but if he really loved you he'll figure out that its not the same and come back. If and when he does, you must not bring up the past just simply forgive, forget and move forward. Onto B- He will get upset confused not want to talk to you and erase everything you guys had. Will try to move onto a new relationship and think its your loss. If this result happens, It will be unfortunate because it will prove he never loved you and you will have dodged a bullet. You will then be able to find someone else. This scenario will be over a period amount of time, but will let you open your eyes if you decide to do it. One last thing I do want to say, don't invest all your happiness into one person. You yourself alone should be the root of your happiness. Someone one day will like your smile and will be proud to call you their gf. Hope that helped and good luck.

Answer 3

Did you ask to borrow his phone? if yes then ask him about the messages. Let the conversation lead from there. If you have an exclusive relationship and have agreed no other people, he really should be letting other women know that he is off the market.
I've done similar stuff if I wasn't so sure about the person I was dating and wanted to keep my options open. DO NOT FREAK OUT on him. Play it cool and if he doesn't want to let other women down gently, then he should be a little bit afraid of letting a good woman walk away. Keep him wanting you, but don't stick around for any two timing.
Frankly, put yourself in the other woman's shoes...if you were sending vows of love to a guy who kept saying he was so busy, and the busy was another woman.....then your guy doesn't come off as such a good guy huh?

Answer 4

Hmmmm sounds like you might not trust him completely, and you have every right not to trust him now. While I don't condone the snooping, you obviously had some concerns to do that. It's tough because I might confront him, but then he may get upset that you were snooping. He may seem like a great guy, but not being able to trust him makes it difficult to move forward with the relationship. I think he's being very dishonest with these other women by not telling them he is involved with someone. I hate to say this but you could be one of those other women some day. I think you should either confront him or move on.

Answer 5

He isn't that great of a guy if you are discovering his correspondence, etc. with other women while he is involved with you. Is he aware that you are under the impression that you are BOTH in a committed, monogamous relationship. From my own experience I will tell you, a man like this wants it all -- you and whatever else he can have at the same time.

Confront him with your discoveries and if he really loves you he will admit to what he has done and ask you to forgive him; on the flip side, if he is guilty he will turn it back on you and claim you don't 'trust' him or you wouldn't be snooping in the first place.

The real question that you need to ask yourself is whether you really want to know the truth and at what cost?

Answer 6

Sounds like he is doing just that keeping his options open. Its good that he has not gone out with them but how long will that last? He might not want to hurt there feelings so he is telling them that he is busy but he needs to tell them that he has a girlfriend. Better yet you get on the computer and you tell them see what they say.

Answer 7

Just like you should be doing, he is keeping his options open. You guys are "dating" not in a relasonship. Who knows what is going to happen in a month from now feelings that are there now may not in a month. No one can predict what is going to happen in life. If you really have strong feelings for him turn on the charm. Step your game up a few, and hopefully after a couple of months you will know where he stands.

Good Luck!!

Answer 8

It depends on how long you have been dating. If this is a new relationship, he may be trying to keep some other avenues open....you know "Just in case". It is like the preverbual "Black book" You dont announce your not available any more you just walk away. I dont think he should be penalized for keeping things open if this is a fairly new relationship. Good news tho...he ISNT calling her back...that right there should tell you something.

Answer 9

Just ask him about. You said that you saw some text messages on his phone when you borrowed so hes not trying to hide it from you cause if he was he would have delated the messages.

I've been in this situation, now if he denies any of it show him what you have found. If hes innocent he'll tell you the truth.

Answer 10

You need to confront your boyfriend about this in order to get the full details otherwise you'll just stress yourself out in the long run and still not have all the answers to your questions. It's better to findout sooner than later if anything serious is going on. This way you can get your feelings out in the open to your boyfriend so he knows exactly what you expect of him as far as letting other females know he's taken.