My boyfriend has his ex-wife coming around and staying the night to help raise their children. He claims they sleep in seperate rooms and there is no physical relationship between them. But niether one can recieve phone calls or visits from thier current partners. How do you deal with the fact that you may never be allowed to come into your partners life completely, almost as if they are living a secret life with you? Do you hold on thinking it will get better or do you let go and move on to something not so restricted?
2006-10-30 07:51:13 · 23 answers · asked by crod 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds fishy to me, I would move on
2006-10-30 07:53:15 · answer #1 · answered by Eyes of Green 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm in the exact same situation except it's my girlfriend that lives with her ex-husband and helps raise the kids. I know exactly what you are feeling, and it doesn't feel good. Are they cheating on us? Well, there's no way to know for sure. But what I do realize is that her ex will always be a part of her life because of their children.
About not being able to contact them at the house, I actually understand that arrangement. The arrangement is, so we are told, for the kids and their thinking is probably that we have no place in their kids' lives.
The bottom line for me is whether I trust her. So far, the answer is yes. I told my girlfriend that if she wants to get back with her ex, then she should do so for the kids. But she says she doesn't want to and I guess that's because there's a reason why they divorced in the first place.
I don't think the situation is so clear cut as most people think. And it seems you feel the same way since you're asking this question. I've learned with age that friends and lovers shouldn't be easily cast aside. Only we can answer the question of what we should do, since no one else can know what is in our hearts and the hearts of those we love.
One last thing. Do me a favor and do not award me the 10 points. That's not why I wrote this. I hope you find happiness.
2006-10-30 08:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by eddygordo19 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow this is a very sticky situation and I dont think anyone would wish to be in this. I really feel for you, this must be very hard and you must be going through many emotions right now. I dont know if I could stand to be in this situation but he must be a great guy for sticking by him. I think the fact that they cant recive calls or visits is a red flag. The visting thing might be because they want alone family time. Do you see the kids on other times or does he keep that away? I think the no phone call thing is a huge deal and I would wonder myself if he was hiding you from her and if they may be more than ex's. I know once you have been sexual with someone its hard to avoid that temptaion again esp if you share a past romance or children. I really think you need to take a step back, weigh your pros and cons on this one and see what you come up with. Love is a tricky thing when children and ex's are invloved and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to accept how they choose to parent. Im really stuck on this one ... sorry ... tried my best, keep ur head up
2006-10-30 07:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by starnickel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not going to get any better. Do you want to be involved with someone who is creating such a dysfunctional environment for his kids?
If you're never going to be allowed completely into your partner's life, what's the point? Do you want a relationship with restrictions? It's unrealistic that you will be able to have any kind of normal relationship with this man. Move on.
2006-10-30 07:55:59 · answer #4 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stayed at my ex-husbands house one time and we almost had sex. He may be telling the truth about the seperate rooms but. that is a no win situation unless they are trying to get back together. Aside from how it makes you feel, it probably confuses the kids alot. I would break it off completely. It sounds very shady.
2006-10-30 07:56:34 · answer #5 · answered by lisaj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone, he is not respecting you enough to tell her to stop staying the night. She shouldn't be...they are no longer together. You can raise a child together in seperate homes, it has been done before. Kick him to the curb and find someone who will show you the respect that you deserve.
2006-10-30 07:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by sea shell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to yourself.. neither one can recieve phone calls or visits from current partners?? umm have ya thought that might be because hes with her.. find someone else..
2006-10-30 07:52:50 · answer #7 · answered by Hot Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on, he's actually porking her. It's really fishy that she needs to stay there in order to see the kids. Why not just get joint custody? Suggest it, let him know it bothers you. If he doesn't understand move on sugar.
2006-10-30 07:54:19 · answer #8 · answered by MaNdYb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on that is not a healthy relationship foe nobody, especially for your self. so untill he can figure anther way of raising his children with out living with his ex i would move on, sounds to strange...
2006-10-30 08:13:07 · answer #9 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go and move on to something better....there is no reason for somthing so lame like that....an ex is for a reason and their is other ways to stay in your childrens lives....if he loves you then he wouldn't continue to do what he is doing. MOVE ON!
2006-10-30 07:55:57 · answer #10 · answered by sunshinelady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
f it is not a court order, (which means you need to see it in writing) then you are being had. If you really love the guy, then you need to meet his wife, or ex wife, or wife...
2006-10-30 08:01:11 · answer #11 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋