Ever since I first started dating her son she has treated me badly and now things are worse. I have been married into the family for 8 years and have 2 children. My MIL ignores my son and rarely wants to see my daughter. We live less than a block away but she doesn't come over. She and her oldest daughter pulled a horrible stunt while my dad was in a coma and told me I was a horrible person and taking advantage of them by having them watch my kids while i was living in the hospital. I wrote her a letter and delivered it 3 weeks ago and told her that things need to change or she will not be a part of mine or my childrens lives and she hasn't said anything to me about it, hasn't even called me. She calls my husband and wants to spend time with the kids and he thinks I should let her, but thats not the point, She needs to talk to me. I want my kids treated the same as the other grandchildren and they are not being treated that way. It only works if it's her terms. What do I do?
2006-10-30 07:35:03 · 16 answers · asked by mom-of-2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The only reason I am keeping my children away from her is that she doesn't treat them fairly and they notice, and it upsets them. She has a total of 6 grandchildren and my two and one other live in the same town, and the other grandchild is her favorite and she makes it known to my children.
2006-10-30 07:45:30 · update #1
During the hospital stay my husband was working and my MIL was watching the kids while he worked.
2006-10-30 07:53:21 · update #2
She now has her other children against and her daughters and I used to be friends. I just don't know what to do this is causing strain on my marriage and my husband thinks I should just get over it.
2006-10-30 08:21:19 · update #3
Exactly what you are doing. You are a grown @S$ woman, you should never let another female disrespect you or your family. She sounds like a b!tc#, so you need to make sure she knows you will not take her $#!t. Stand your ground, be firm, and tell her off if necessary. You don't have to be her friend, but she does have to respect you. However, you should never keep your kids away from their grandmother, they have nothing to do with any of it.
2006-10-30 07:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Belly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My MIL treats me the same way, though when she talks to her son (hubby) it's a totally different story. She treats my children from a previous marriage like they have the plague and now is wanting to be a part of the child's life that we will hopefully adopt. I have news for her...it's either ALL OR NOTHING. I will not stand by and watch her drowned the adopted son in gifts / love etc...when she can't even remember the other two's b-days. I would sit down with my hubby and explain to him how you feel and demand that something must be done....that if he is going to allow her to alienate you from the family and only you...then maybe she needs to alienate the kids to! Your husband should be backing you up and that is that! When I have enough...my hubby calls his mom on the way she is acting (like when she got informed last month that she still had yet to get my daughter a b-day present, when her b-day was in March.) It's our MIL's that cause all the "jokes" about MIL's. Good Luck, but I think you are fighting the never ending battle just like I am!
2006-10-30 07:51:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you! My MIL is the biggest pain in the a** too. I have the same problem. My MIL favors her other grandchildren as well, and makes it very known the my children. My MIL even calls my daughter by the other granddaughters name, then says "oh sorry I meant Kelly. My daughter doesn't want to go over to her grandmothers house because my MIL treats her differently and when all the grand kids are there together it's like my kids aren't even there.
We very rarely go there for anything. We have talked to her about this, but of course she denies it, and says she treats them all the same. I don't think there is much you nor I can do about this problem ----- just keep the kids away from her - your the parent and need to protect your kids well- being. Your husband should stand behind you 100%, and have HIM tell her it needs to change or else he won't be able to allows his kids to visit with her, because it hurts the children's feelings to be mis treated by their grandmom. Good luck!
You can pick your spouse, but you can't pick your inlaws ----- that's my motto.
2006-10-30 07:59:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 8 yrs, she still has not accepted you as her sons' choice. Stand strong when it comes to her. As difficult as it may be, your hubby should be backing you up on this one. Although she is his mother, you are his wife and his devotion should be to you. If she has ignored your children in the past, there is really no reason for her to want to see them now, except for the fact that she is trying to keep her son on her side by showing some feigned interest in her own grandchildren. Be the bigger person and allow her to see the kids, say, once a week. Make this arrangement with your husband. He will be the one taking the kids there. But you dont have to have thing one to do with her. Youve made all the efforts thus far and shes shot you down. Dont stop the rest of your family from having a relationship with her but as far as you are concerned, its over. There is only so much SH*t you should have to take and you are done. Now when she starts ignoring the kids in front of your husband, maybe he will open his eyes and see she is only hurting them.
Much luck to you.
2006-10-30 07:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same prob with my MIL. Her and her husband thought I was a loser for the longest time and treated my children differently from my wife's, since my children are not their natural grandchildren.
You tell your husband that if she wants to see the children, she can come to your house while you are there and see the children. Where was your husband while you were at the hospital with your dad?
Are you and your husband still together? If not, then let her see them all she wants on his visitation. You don't have to let her while they are with you. If you are still together then your husband should be a man and tell his mother that she needs to treat all grandchildren equally or she will not be invited to any gatherings or parties and you and your children will go to no gatherings that she attends.
Your husband should be on your side when it comes right down to it. Good Luck with all of that.
2006-10-30 07:51:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems a bit complicated and maybe more to the story.
However, my advise would be to make the first move, so that its more or less on your terms. What I mean is, if your husband arranges the meeting, then you will be left out of that relationship between your children and their grandma and possibly make you stay more at an uncomfortable distance.
So when you are ready, call into hers with the children and make it a pleasant visit for her.
Some people of the older generation never like to admit that they are in the wrong, so you'd have to forget what's in the past and look to a better future for your children and possibly your marriage (as these things tend to escalate one way or the other).
Take it easy and feel in control of the situation. Life is too short!
2006-10-30 07:51:19 · answer #6 · answered by esai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. I am also sorry to say that if after eight years she still finds it normal to treat you and now your children like crap, then this old lady is set in her evil ways and is obviously never going to change. There is nothing wrong with you or the children, she is a miserable person, along with your sister-in-law. It wouldn't even be worth having a serious talk w/ these witches. Your ONLY obligation is your children and NOT satisfying or catering to her evil, vindictive ways. I would have dropped them out of my family's life a long time ago. Life is too short to be surrounded by those negative people. She should be grateful to you for taking care of her son and grandchildren. :) Hand in there, honey.
2006-10-30 08:48:38 · answer #7 · answered by mzQ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Dear Friend, I have finally found someone with a MIL worse then mine................ I am so sorry. I think your doing the right thing where the kids are concerned, especially when they know whats going on. My own grandmother favored my brother over me, to the point where I dreaded having to spend time with her. Your husband needs to open his eyes and see how she is treating you and the kids, unfortunately, that is easier said then done! She may be his mother, but you are his wife and the mother of his children, he needs to step up, be a man and defend you for goodness sake. Again easier said then done. It took my husband almost 16 years before he saw his mother for what she was...... words I can not use here for obvious reasons. I know it is hard but be patient with him, let him know whats going on and that the kids see it for what it is, but do it without accusing him of indifference or stupidity. My prayers are with you.
2006-10-30 07:53:22 · answer #8 · answered by kim h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW I'm not sure that's a tough situation. You should definitely pray about it You should go over to her house so you two can have a one on one chat. She needs to let you know why she cant stand you or your kids. I think 8 years is way too long to be treated like crap by your mother in law. Its time you two do some serious talking.
2006-10-30 07:44:09 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in a similar situation I would have a real serious conversation with her. She has to know that you do want her to be a part of your childrens lives but it cannot be in the way she's doing it now. She has to respect you and she has to be fair to your children. If she can't do that then I would let her know to leave you and your children alone.
2006-10-30 08:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋