My fiance and I were engaged for a year. Until he started drinking and doing drugs. After almost eight months of putting up with it, I found out he was cheating and I left. When he isnt on drugs he is an amazing person. Well, I guess actually losing me and not using me as a codependent really got him thinking. He has been going to AA and NA and fixing his life up, so I took him back. Was this dumb of me?
"Once a cheater, always a cheater", I know.
But could it have just been the drugs that made him that way?
2006-10-30 07:34:48 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Let me tell you a little story. I was the married to a guy once who did a lot of drugs. He never quit. Had he shown me that he was willing to get help and quit the drugs we would be together today! It is very honorable for him to do that! He needs your support more than ever right now. As for once a cheater always a cheater , that depends on the person. I was a cheater, but I also was very unhappy with my marriage at that point in my life. Now I am gettign married to my HS sweetheart who I have known my whole life and never cheated on him! And we have been together 4 years! So I say you are making the right choice. He needs you to be by his side more than ever now!
Good Luck to you!
2006-10-30 07:44:17 · answer #1 · answered by Laura W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drugs or No drugs once a cheater always a cheater. I was married to one. You will be cheated on again. Sorry to break the news. but it will happen again.
2006-10-30 15:38:25 · answer #2 · answered by theresa kay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most, if not all drug/alcohol treatment centers (especially AA) say that addicts are NOT to be in ANY relationship until they have had 1 year of sobriety. By taking him back, you are harming his chances of full recovery. He needs to, on his own, learn to cope with his own life, without you stepping in to cushion reality.
A drug addict who isn't high is not an amazing person. He's a drug addict. End it with him until he's been clean for 1 year, then consider dating him, with a clean slate, if you're still interested.
2006-10-30 15:40:00 · answer #3 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him congrats on cleaning up his act. It is very hard to do! The drugs could have made him cheat since he was literally "not in his right mind". Just keep an eye on him. It could've been a one-time thing.
2006-10-30 15:37:32 · answer #4 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The drugs and alcohol may have blurred his judgement. He was doing alot of things at the time that changed him as a person. He's doing what he can to change his life around and show you the type of man he can be. I say show him as much as he's showing you. He really seems to be trying so I'd be open to it.
2006-10-30 15:38:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were y ou wrong? Are you out of your mind? He is an alcholic and drug addict. He needs to be in Rehab. On top of that, he may have problems w/infidelity. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt that because of his drug/alcohol addiction, he may be not entirely fit to make good decisions. You can not be in a healthy relationship with someone who has an addiction issue and is not dealing with it.
2006-10-30 15:41:18 · answer #6 · answered by hopscothchbunnies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never give someone a second chance after they cheat. once a cheater always a cheater.
2006-10-30 15:39:09 · answer #7 · answered by BeauTEE_ful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he probably was influenced by his use of alcohol and drugs. but, how long is he clean? and how clean is clean? I dunno, seems like you took him back a bit quick. if he's sincere and he knows how he hurt you he'll wait. besides its just possible that the hooking back up could give him a "pass" to do all of it again. to slip into using again, to cheat again, to hurt you again.
Also, if the relationship doesnt enable him, its possible that its still too soon, and any anxiety over the relationship could trigger relapse.
I gotta vote its too soon and probably a wrong move.
2006-10-30 15:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by Myrrhder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can change. It sounds like he is trying to get his life back on track. But don't stick around if any red flags pop up. (if you get a gut feeling that something is wrong) Take it slow and don't rush into anything.
2006-10-30 15:39:46 · answer #9 · answered by irishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For what ever reason you decided to give him another chance so stop second guessing yourself. Give the relationship a chance to work if thats what you really want.
2006-10-30 15:38:00 · answer #10 · answered by Dorrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋