Need help with 6yr old wetting and messing pants?

Question

Our 6 yr old has started to wet and mess his pants on occasion (4 times in the past 3 wks) We say and the Dr. agrees that it is just plain old laziness. We have taken tv and video games away and we have also tried the rewards system. Nothing works. Any suggestions?????

He is not doing this at night when sleeping, he is usually doing some activity which makes me think it is just being lazy.

Answer 1

Are there any recent changes in his life (new school, baby, more, family issues, stress)? Often times children regress when there are changes in their life or when they are stressed. If so, give him lots of extra love and support.

Don't put him back in diapers, take away privileges, or use rewards. These things will not solve the problem because they are not a logical consequence.

When he soils himself, hold him completely responsible for the clean up. Say to him "It looks like you need to change." He can remove his soiled clothing, rinse them out, put them in the laundry, dry any wet area, and put on dry clothing. He will soon learn that it is much easier to use the toilet.

I do agree that this is laziness, but also feel your son is also doing this to gain some attention. He probably gets a lot of attention when he soils himself, be it positive or negative, it is still attention. Try and find some positive ways to show attention. Say things like "You did that by yourself! You can run super fast! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on your painting!" These phrases are intrinsic motivators and work much better than extrinsic rewards ("Good job!", stickers, treats). They are great confidence builders, great ways to help him to feel powerful, and great ways to show attention. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

It's not him being lazy. Something else is going on that you're missing.

Has a new sibling been born & brought home from the hospital? Has your son started kindergarten or first grade? Are you & your wife arguing in front of your son? Has another relative, grandparent, uncle, aunt, ect., recently died? Have you moved? All those would make a child who's been potty trained revert back to having accidents all the time.

Kids forget when to go potty. Especially if they're watching a favorite cartoon or movie. 2 hours after a meal or snack, ask your son if he has to go potty. If he says no, then has an accident, don't yell, spank or get angry. Tell him "Let's go change clothes" & do so without fuss. If he cries, reassure him accidents happen. When he remembers on his own, make a big deal. Cheer, applaud, whistle, etc. Make a sticker chart with him. For every sticker he gets for going potty on his own, he gets a reward, like a trip to the park, a movie, a toy or whatever's appropriate. Soon the accidents will be fewer & fewer until he's back to being dry again.

Spanking, yelling, screaming or otherwise demeaning your son when he has an accident is abuse. That will teach your son that going potty is a bad thing, regardless if he does it in the bathroom or his pants. It will also reinforce to him that if he pees, even in the toilet, he'll get spanked. That could lead to him hiding to mess his pants, urinary problems or other issues.

Answer 3

Don't threaten with diapers.... too many six yr olds would love to go back to wearing them.

You don't just start being lazy. There was a trigger, might have done it by accident the first time and so far the rewards are greater then the punishments. Or there may have been some unusal stressor. Something caused this to start, and as long as that is eliminated and punishments are greater then the rewards (basically not having to stop playing to go to the restroom), the behaviour (if not physical) will stop.

Make him use the restroom every 2 hours in the meantime.... what happens after that could be interesting.

Answer 4

Sounds like a recent event that might have been catastrophic in nature might have reverted him to this stage. A favoriet relative, friend, or pet pass on?

I had a simular problem at that age. My mom had died, and I wasn't told for 2 years, and when I was told, that is when this started. Everything from spanking to making me wash out my own underwear was used. It was demeaning, true, an was meant to embarrass me to stop. It didn't work. I ended up growing out of it. Work with your son, and help him through this now. It will save him untold suffering later. Make the bathroom break an hourly thing, if needed--both at home and away. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I hesitate to say this, but this can be a sign of sexual abuse - a previously toilet-trained child reverting to soiling themselves.

Have a good long talk to your son, without being confrontational and ask him why he is doing this, perhaps ask if anybody is scaring him. At 6 years old he should be very well able to say why. Have you noticed any other changes in his behaviour?

I may be way off track here and I apologise if you are offended by the suggestion, I just felt that it could be a consideration.

Answer 6

well, i have some experience in dealing with this one!!! I would say it is one of two things, either emotional trauma, or laziness
my stepson was 11 when my hubby and i got custody from his abusive mother, and he was defecating on himself many times a day, it was really bad, it took some time and a little fussing at him before it stopped, however my aunt had the same problem with my cousin and it was just laziness, she finally had to embarrass it out of him, by threatening to hang his dirty underwear on the fencepost for all his friends to see. It stopped!

Answer 7

Once he does it at school and his friends make fun of him maybe that will stop him. You can always bring him to the store with you (make sure you physically weigh him before hand) and go to the diaper isle and just pick up different brands and say things like, I think these will be big enough...or if they have different designs on them, ask him which one he would prefer. A scare tactic per say...when he ask who they are for, tell him that they are for him to wear so he is not to wet his clothes. That if he was going to act like a little boy, you are going to treat him as such...no video games, no going to play with friends...scare him into thinking you will treat him like a two year old who wears diapers.

Answer 8

Instead of punishments, try incentives.

Give him a sticker on a chart each clean day (or smileyface, whatever) and once he gets so many, he gets a special trip out for ice cream or something.

At 6 years old, make sure he helps clean up after himself if he has an accident. If he soils himself, make him take a shower. Make him responsible for helping to wash his nasty clothes.

Look at his diet. Could he be getting constipated?

Any changes in routine or stress in his life lately that could be contributing?

Answer 9

I read some of the other answers and the only one i agree with is the lady who suggested diapers. She is right in doing that, but yet she is still wrong.

She is wrong in the sense that if you do end up putting him in them, he could end up with some other problems that could end up becoming more serious. He could, for one, develop a dependancy on diapers, and i don't believe you want to deal with that unless it were a last resort. It would get worse if he develops an emotional dependancy on them. I just suggest that you use them as a scare tactic.

You could try making him go to use the bathroom periodically. The more you do so, you will eventually get him on a routine. Think of it just like you would if you were potty training him, except your not pulling him off diapers but instead build muscular strength in the sphyncter.

In addition to that last suggestion, you could work on his sphyncter's endurance. Have him hold his pee for as long as he can. In time, his accidents (or in his case, purposes) should stop.

Last, but not least, my last suggestion is a good old fashioned butt whipping. As much as parents don't want to use this suggestion, it really helps in getting kids to do something. I understand what our parents used to say when they would whip us ("This hurts me more than it hurts you."), but now a days it should be done more than it already is. I'm not saying you have to beat the life out of him, but just get his attention. Give him a little smack on the butt when does so.

I hope I could be of some help

Answer 10

get a second opinion. this like this usually don't just start and i don't think it is laziness. i used to have this problem and my first doc said i was lazy, my second doc Said had some thing (i was 7, so i don't remember what it is called) and gave me some medicine for it. it cleared it right up.