I really need to know what to do, when, and how. This is too torturing. Please help.?

Question

My BF of 3 mths went in depression after his BD on 1st week of Oct. we spent next night together ( we usually spent at least 2-3 night/weeks together) and I haven't seen him since. He blew off the date on the weekend and refused to talk on the phone- I called him twice. He said he didn't want to talk to anyone. and will call me when he feel better. He told me to stop calling him. I asked if he want to end our relationship. He said no. He has no idea what to do. I know that he go to work everyday but not going anywhere else. I haven't heard from him more than a week now. I want to call but don't want to push him. I am afraid it will be "out of sight out of mind" I need help/ suggestion. Please don't say just move on- it is not that easy.

Answer 1

Well, he's right. When a person is depressed they just want to be left alone. It may not be the healthiest thing for them and they have to force themselves to go through the actions of life, like going to work. The best thing you can do for him is wait until he feels better. He'll eventually come around. But, one thing that you have to keep in mind is that this is going to happen again and again. Can you tolerate that? Some people can and enjoy the alone time themselves. Some people can't handle it at all. Some people like being the first person the depressed person comes to when they're feeling better. So, you need to decide if he's worth hanging around for and what are you going to do when it happens again.

Answer 2

It sounds like he's setting the rules by saying that he'll call when he's feeling better. What about you? What if you need him and he's not calling because he's not feeling well? It sounds like this is going to be a one sided, selfish relationship. Depression is a b*tch to deal with and it's unfortunate that he is struggling with it. But it is also a very selfish disorder because it causes the sufferer to become so self absorbed in their own problems that they have a hard time being there for those they care about. It's not deliberate, it's just the nature of the illness. I've been suffering from depression for a very long time and I have to be very careful not to fall into this trap. He may snap out of this depression quickly but it will come back and you'll be dealing with this again. Find out what he's doing to treat his depression, meds? therapy? exercise? If he's not trying to help himself, then get out of the relationship. Don't let his depression make you depressed!

Answer 3

you need to figure out how depressed he is on a scale of 1-10 (1 being a little and 10 being suicidal). If he is closer to the 10 range you need to find a way to intervene. He may be harmful to himself, and he is obviously being hurtful to you. Just becareful, and do what you think is right. You are not pushing him, you are trying to help him. There is no way he can be mad at you for that. Or he may be initially, but he will thank you someday. chin up.

Answer 4

Only advice that I can give to u is just be patient and wait. I kno that u are afraid that u will lose him,but if u 2 are truly meant to be together everything will work out..just give him the space he needs. He could be confused about what he is feeling right now and he needs time to sort it all out.

Answer 5

I'm sorry sweety but 3 months is not enough for me to sacrifice myself. You need to call - say its over. 3 months is not enough to love someone enough to start sacrificing things. Sorry but you need to move on. Its just that 3 months and hes already pulling one on you without including you in it. He blew off the date and wont take your calls, Hes disrespecting you when you want to help. I don't think so. Take care and do what is right for you and your feelings. You don't deserve this.

Answer 6

I think that you shouldn't call or give him any kind of warning... just go to him. Surprise him. Most men LOVE surprises. If you have already broke the "ice", go out and get something sexy and show up at his door sometime really soon. Show him how much he means to you, if he won't talk to you. Love is more than words.

Answer 7

maybe he has met someone else and doesn't want you to know, he might want to see how they work out before letting you go for good .I would not call him, if he really loved you he would want some support from you w/ his depression. i don't think this has anything to do w/ you, but w/ someone else. he has no respect for you and yes i am going to tell you to move on and meet other people.

Answer 8

JUST GIVE HIM TIME. YOU KNOW HE ISNT GOING OUT AND HE STILL SAYS HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU THEN LET HIM HAVE HIS SPACE. IN THE MEAN TIME HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DONT LET HIM BRING YOU DOWN. BE YOUR SELF AND YOU WILL BE THERE WHEN HE IS READY. AND YOU WONT HATE HIM FOR MAKING YOU STAY AT HOME THAT WHOLE TIME IF YOU ARE STILL LIVING YOUR LIFE. HE CANT BE MAD AT YOU FOR LIVING. AND HE CANT EXPECT TO TELL YOU NOT TO CALL AND HAVE YOU SITTING BY THE PHONE WAITIN. YOU LOVE HIM AND THAT IS WHAT COUNTS. BUT DONT STOP DOING THINGS TO SIT BY THE PHONE

Answer 9

If he's mentally sick, he probably thinks that you don't like him anymore because of his illness. Somehow, you should communicate with him by email or a handwritten letter or card and tell him how you actually feel about him.
I feel for you.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

If he told you he is dealing with something and wants to be left alone, but does not want to break up......give him a little space. He obviously wants some time alone, but still wants to be with you when he gets thru it, so give him some time.