My 9 year old daughter is afraid she is going to die.?

Question

She started to read Jacqueline Wilsons' "Vicky Angel" a couple of months ago but got very upset as a character of a similar age dies at the beginning. She goes to bed ok but within half an hour she comes downstairs in tears, saying that dying is all she can think about. We have a cuddle and a chat but she often ends up in bed with me. Any advise? Should she see a doctor?

Answer 1

Talking about it with her is the only way to help. Reassurance is really what she needs.

Reassure her that she's a healthy little girl in a safe home and that she's isn't going to die until she's a very old lady. At her age, I was nervous about dying too. My mom had a brain tumor and I knew there was a chance of her dying and that caused me to be afraid of dying myself. At least she's talking to you about it. I would start crying and then tell my parents I bit my tongue or tripped which is why I was crying. I think you need to just sit her down and have a long talk with her. Not when she comes downstairs crying, just one day sit down and have a long talk with her about death.

Answer 2

Try to explain to your daughter that dying is a natural thing that it happens to everyone and that its nothing to be frightened of as heaven is ment to be better than Earth anyway. If there has been a death of a friend or in the family recently this book might have just gave her that little push to show her feelings about it.
Tell her that things that she sees and reads dont always happen like that in real life.

Talk to her teacher about how she is coping at school because it might be kids teasing her about it there. I have read vicky angel and it says in the title that vicky ends up being an angel. To calm her down at night just sit her on her bed and read her some part of another book. As long as she understands that she not alone. Ask her teacher or some one she trusts to alsio explain it to her so she doesn't just think its you making stuff up. Tell her that you will always be there for here no matter what happens and try not to let her get worried. Good Luck and I really hope I've helped.

Answer 3

I had thoughts of death and dying at an early age, too. I would sit in bed and think about God and existence and try to figure out how God could just have always existed and then I'd remove him from the equation and still be left with the same problem. Then I'd think about death and it would scare the heck out of me. Unfortunately, my parents weren't equipped to deal with these questions (either dismissing them or giving me trite answers) and so I lived with them. I think it's incredibly wonderful that you allow this to occur and that you have chats with her about it.
My two cents says that a good way to teach about life and death to children is for the parents to live what they've learned. For example, those who’ve done mind training and have had enlightenment experiences have this direct realization that self/birth/death are illusory and their joy is overwhelming; while this could never be taught or communicated, the effect on the person’s personality would be a very positive representation at some level to others, including children. And any work on spiritual mind training where the self is reduced should have great benefits on a child when they see someone navigating through life with less ‘self’.
Now, on a more earthy level :), here are some sites I found:
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/schoolage/schoolagequicktips/death.html
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/death.htm
http://www.parenting-ed.org/handout3/General%20Parenting%20Information/death.htm
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/death.html
http://www.ctparentsplus.org/documents/tlkdeath.asp

Answer 4

She has entered the age where she understands death and perhaps she can compare herself to thegirl in vickey angel, i would first talk to her. Media will influence her thought a lot. If you cant get across send her to theropy but stay with her. Make sure she knows this isnt her fault and monitor all the books she reads. Vickey angel as it is is a young teenage book and perhaps this was too emotional for her. Help her choose more sutiable books in the future. Good luck

Answer 5

She is having nightmares. That is hard for a 9 year old not to mention an adult. Plus kids don't understand the concept of death. You are doing the right thing by trying to comfort her but, yes, she may need to be counseled by a professional with also your support. Don't let it go too far before you do something. I wish you and your daughter the best.

Answer 6

read the book with her and explain to her that it is fiction and that she isn't dying. Ask her if the children in other books have died...cuz the answer should be no...so then u tell her that she isn't dying either. Try reading another book alongside vicky angel if that doesn't work, and ask her why she thinks she is dying...is it just the book or something else???....hope I helped.

Answer 7

jesus, I've been down that road. I use to have panic attacks from the time I was 10-15 about dying. My parents thought i was crazy. now, three degrees 2 house 4 cars later, they look at it a bit differently. if I were you i'd approach her and ask "would you like to go talk t someone about this" instead of saying "we're taking you to a doctor crazy" if she doesn't want to go talk about it, just be supportive. some children are able to think only a few seconds infront of them. some are able to see years ahead by their actions. be a little proud of it.

Answer 8

horrible for her - and you.
my daughter went through similar but was more frightened that something would happen to me. i think they suddenly start to understand more about life and death, how vulnerable human life could be and are faced with their own mortality..
only thing that seemed to help my daughter was being very open with her - that i couldn't PROMISE that i wouldn't die early but that i fully intended to live to be the oldest woman in the world with wrinkles, that i would swear and break wind and pretend it was just because i was soooooo old but that she would know the truth - it seemed the humour of this helped her.
she obviously needs reassurance at the moment and you seem to be a compasionate parent - keep doing what you're doing and i really hope it all settles down for both of you soon xxxx

Answer 9

Gosh, that's terrible to fear death at such a young age. Are you a religious person? Sometimes spiritual talk can help. I'm not saying you have to tell her about God if you don't believe, but if she believed that God was looking out for her maybe she'd be less fearful. Just a suggestion. She sounds very impressionable and I wish the best for her.

Answer 10

Yeah looks like she is just at that age when she has realized about death, I would have a little talk with her and try to reasure her that she will be around for a long time as you will be.
If she seems quite distressed or it carrys on for a while i would have a little talk with your health visitor and she if she could help.
Hope she cheers up soon.