can anyone make me laugh super hard?

Question

10 points for best one.must put more than one.redneck words exepted too.need advice?email [e-mail] to michaela .she will help you out or be your internet bud.

Answer 1

A redneck family goes to the city for the first time, they decide to look through the mall, as the mother is off shopping the father and son notice some shiny doors that open and close by themselves.
The pair see a very old woman in a wheelchair go through the doors and hear some strange noises, the noise stops then starts again, when the noise stopped the second time the doors opened and out walked the most beautiful they had ever seen, The father turns to his son and whispers "Go get your mama"

Answer 2

SORRY, I CANNOT MAKE YOU LAUGH SUPER HARD OVER SOME "IGNORANT" WORDS!

Answer 3

You might be a redneck if:

1. You mow your lawn and find a car.
2. You help your richest relative take the wheels off their new house
3. You mail box read 'MALE'
4. Your bothers nipple has been bitten off by a beaver
5. If you go to family reunions to pick up women.

Answer 4

Bear and a rabbit are side by side in the woods taking a dump at the same time. The bear leans over to the rabbit and says, "hey rabbit, do you ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies back to the bear "No, never." The bear says "good" and picks the rabitt up and wipes his butt with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

Three redneck And A Jigsaw puzzle!?
Puzzle Pieces

Three redneck have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"

One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years and we finish it in 61 days!!!''

Answer 6

Not from me, but if you can get ahold of ANYTHING Greg Proops does in his stand-up routines, you will have a very good chuckle

Answer 7

Hi there,
To find thousands of woodworking plans,
try to look here http://www.goobypls.com/r/rd.asp?gid=294

Answer 8

stand in front of the mirror & laugh your *** out ;-)

Answer 9

no

Answer 10

CHILI CONTEST



If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Canada. Frank said, "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecard notes from the event:



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CHILI #1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge #1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge #2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild

Judge #3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

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CHILI #2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge #1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge #3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

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CHILI #3 - FRED'S BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge #1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge #2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge #3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting drunk from all of the beer.

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CHILI #4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC..

Judge #1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge #2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods not much of a chili.

Judge #3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT. Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?



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CHILI #5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge #1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge #2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge #3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

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CHILI #6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge #1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge #2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge #3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my rear end with a snow cone.

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CHILI #7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge #1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge #2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge #3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

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CHILI #8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI..

Judge #1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge #2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge #3 - No Report