Dad, what to do?

Question

I never talked to my dad before, not until 2 days before my 16th birthday. He decided to call me. It was cool and all. Buttt. like. I don't know if I want him in my life. I don't know what to do. I found out I have a brother and another sister by him. Which totally sucks because all these years I thought I was the only child. So what should I do? Let him in my life, or push him away? I'm truely confused.

I've called him many times before this, he's always hung up on me, once I said who i was.

I know it's not my brother or sister's fault.

They're wayyy younger than me.

but I really think that I don't want to meet him in person. [face to face] I am not ready for that. I'm much older now, and I know he must of done this to me because of some logical reason. Personally, I don't care much to know him. He's miss half of the most important things in my life. He hasn't been there for me for any birthdays, no holidays, nothing. He was totally clueless. I just want to know why.

Answer 1

Honey, only you can decide what to do. Don't rely on others.
Search deep in your heart and listen to what it says. Pray about it.
Then, do what ever you think is best. If you feel you are not ready, then tell him you would like some more time to think about it. Please know that you are a beautiful person. Whatever you decide will be okay.

Answer 2

In the end you have to follow your heart. It must have hurt tremendously when he hung up on you and it's probably very hard to forgive that. But maybe, just maybe, he called you because he wants to know you and learn about you. Maybe he realized that he was stupid in not talking to you before. If it were me, I would meet him, you never know what could happen. You could find someone that you can end up being close to, he may never take the part of the "dad" in your life, but maybe a close friend. Talk on the phone a few times before meeting him. If it goes okay then meet him at a very public place for a short time and see how it goes.
Good luck with whatever you choose.

Answer 3

Congrats Ben!! How a ways alongside is she? (: I was once going to mention Father and Son, dammit. BQ: Breathe within the Air - Pink Floyd BQ2: I'm gonna see if I can conclude this portray for him via Sunday. My loved ones is not that gigantic on Father's Day, despite the fact that. Edit: Haha, that is intriguing. You'll make a nice dad, I'm definite :D

Answer 4

I get how you feel, the same thing happened to me with my father. Between my 3rd and 14th birthdays, he called his family, which called my family, to check up on me and see how I was doing, but had nothing personally to do with me. Just before my 14th birthday, he called and acted buddy-buddy with me, even inviting me to come stay a summer with him and his new wife. Two summers in a row, he turned me down, the first because of money troubles with his new house, the second because his wife wanted nothing to do with me. Two Christmases in a row, he was in the area and promised to visit me but never did. Then, when I was 16, he visited me for the first time in over 13 years on the day before I got married. He met my husband and I and we talked awkwardly. Then he says that he wants to attend the wedding but would leave town for a two day drive home the hour before the ceremony. He never even saw my dress or the rings. I waited till after the honeymoon to call him and tell him that he could go screw himself.

Let him come to you sweety. Make him decide whether he wants to pursue a relationship with you. Confront him about why he never came to see you or even dropped a hello. If he gives you a satisfactory answer and still seems to want to see you, then give him a chance. My dad was a case of *ssholism, but some people can change. If he can prove to you that he does care and sway you to see that, then go for it.

But all in all, go with your gut. Don't see him if you don't feel you are ready.

Hope I've helped.

Answer 5

Totally your call if you want him in your life whether it be just by phone and email til you are ready to sit down with him face to face, or if you just want to jump in and meet him for lunch or something. and if you dont then let him know that too. he probably regrets not calling you and not being there for you when you need him and hanging up on you those many times you called him. but if you want to know why the sudden change of heart in him, you're going to have to ask him. you have the right to ask why, and dont let any question you have go unanswered.

Answer 6

You need your dad in your life, especially during this time in your life...Forgive him for what he has done in the pass, i'm pretty sure he has a lot to regret, but wants to make a difference. Build a relationship with him and try to get to know your sister and brother.

Answer 7

my dad spent all his time with me when i was little. he took me everywhere. to the movies, to the zoo, to the muesam.. he was always there. but then.. about four years ago he got real messed up. he's been gettin drunk every night, poppin pills, and doin all sorts of drugs. so i kind of know how you feel. i havent heard a happy birthday from him in four years, no merry christmas or nothing. i just want him to leave me alone. you dont just ditch a child. now that im 16 he wants back in my life. well i dont, my mom completely understands. so just tell him that your grown now, he's missed your life, and now its gone. its yours now, and he's no longer a part of it. he has his own kids, other people to take care of, dont let them suffer the way you did. i wish you tons of luck and a good life!

Answer 8

Why did he call you? I mean he has hung up on you in the past what is the point of contacting you now? No one says you have to speak to him, or get to know him and his kids. You do what is best for you. Since you do not know those kids continue to think of yourself as an only child, they aren't part of your life. Good luck in your decision.

Answer 9

You need to sit down and talk with him. This is your decision to let him into your life. The brother and sister, I would include them. This is a hard decision, he has hurt you and you may not be able to forgive him. I lost my dad last year, so I am kinda thinking you should give him a chance.

Answer 10

For whatever reason he was selfish........As long as you know it is not your fault he wasn't around......If you do not wish to have a relationship with him it is your choice...but it you have issues that need to be resolved.....do it now while he is trying to talk to you.....tell him how you feel........tell him he hurt you.......you have nothing to loose........but if you do have issues it will help you to get over them and move on with your life......
Some kids never get to meet their father.....he is dead or is just not able to be found or their momma doesn't know how to reach him or anything......you should be glad he is able to be found.......find out all the family medical history for your own personal use (ie::: what family members have,or have had or died of) you will need it later in life.......I wish you luck......
Just don't blame yourself for him not stepping up to the plate.......HE MISSED OUT ON A GREAT KID!