why does my mum make me ill on purpose?

Question

i have had many illnesses from age 11 to age 22 ans still going through them on a daily basis. i do a full time degree and get wrk to do for it when back at home. My mum expects me to do most of the house work and she hardly does any. She has been ill since i was 6 but she is able to do housewrk but in small amounts. she is at home all day and i get in at 5 pm. i still have to do loads more than her. her expectations are so high, that she want stuff done the minute she says. if you dont she screams and shouts till you have and it gives such a bad headache, that it makes me feel stressed and depressed which i already am cozs i have depression since age 14 and OCD and PMS and urine incontinence. why she being so horrible to me. i suffer so much and she cant see past housework. she rather give priority to the kitchen bin being emptied than the gas left on with something burning on it. why would she do that? why is she like that? everyday is stressful with her. i feel horrible :(

i'm already on tablet like 6-8 a day so im still having treatment at hospital appointments but no point when theres someone at your throat constantly. she wont even listen to what i have to say. she is right in everything and that is that. whether you broken something or not, its still my fault even tho i was never there at the time coz i was at a lecture at university at 2.30 PM and its still my fault as to what goes on at home etc. stupid really. and do you blame me for swearing at her now for all this she does to me. am i still a bad girl and should respect my mother even tho she makes me feel like committing suicide? i have never sworn in my life and always respected my elders and every1 really but now, i cant help but mouth out these bad, horrible words i dont even want to say but have to, to shut her up. i feel bad but she wont stop arguing, critisising and putting me down. why? what have i done to deserve this.i am actually crying typing this. :'( sorry but this is the way it is

just when i have finally after yrs of illnesses, trying to get myself better and just when i feel good and happy, she puts me down by starting an argumentr etc. is she jealous ? what of? my 10 yrs of illnesses i went through coz that is whta my life has been about? what is there to be jelous about?

Answer 1

Sounds to me like you really need to move out. This stress is destroying you. Could you share with others so it's cheaper?

You need to put space in between you and your mum.

If she won't listen to you, write her a letter and leave her alone to read it. She can't interrupt a letter! If you hand it to her she probably won't read it. Write in a calm way and explain what you will do and what you won't. Tell her that you can't be put upon anymore.

Do your fair share in the house and leave it at that.

You are 22 and you are a human being AND you are HER daughter.....you do not deserve to be shouted at OR commanded to do things.

You can't go on like this, can you??

She may be ill, but don't let this be her excuse for using you.
You are not being disrespectful...you are at the end of your tether, anyone would be.

Make some decisions now, and stick to it, otherwise she may manipulate you into doing what SHE wants.

I know she's your mother but there is no rule that we should suffer at the hands of our parents.

I bet if you leave, when you make visits you'll get along a lot better.

Answer 2

At a guess, you both need help and it sounds like you have done more then your best for your Mum, but now its a question of every man for yourself time. You are 22 and if god had been kinder you would have spread your wings and been away from all this by now. But you would benefit by some counselling, its a great help trust me!!! So get your GP on your wave length as to what is going on, so he can refer your Mum to Social Services for help, and you get yourself a life today!!! Its gonna be tough, and take a lot of courage, but you need to make the move or.... you don't have to be told the results you will have. Be brave, I so hope you can do this. Have you any good friends or family members to support you through this? Good luck, I wish you well.

Answer 3

You need to move out, and as soon as you can. It's hard financially, but sure you can rent a room or share with other people, but you need to do this for both your sakes. You and your mum are trapped in a bad cycle of the way you treat each other, and only by parting could you learn to love each other properly again. You mention you have depression, OCD etc - what illness does your mum have, out of interest, that she is unable to contribute more? Is it also a mental illness or is it physical? I suspect that, with more distance from your mother, you will overcome some of your own illnesses. It's time to cut the apron strings - good luck.

Answer 4

Owch sounds like an awful situation,

your mum sounds like she has personal issues and doesnt seem to realize that her issues are affecting you and not helping any. Id suggest talking to her or writing a letter to her but from what ive read it may not go down well. The only other thing that could help is venting... or talking to a college/uni counsellor or your doctor.

If you have MSN and you want someone to talk to and hear some sound advice feel free to IM/email me [e-mail] I personally know how it feels to be constantly under pressure and have someone at your throat all the time. I wish I could say more but actions speak louder than words.

Answer 5

i imagine your mum is less than pressure and probably depressed besides. in all likelihood there would also be an area of hormonal imbalance besides. This has been occurring far too lengthy for it to be the menopause, even although that is accessible that she is now dealing with the menopause and that is making issues worse. It sounds like she has been dealing with some tricky psychological stuff, this would have began initially with the postnatal melancholy and developed more effective from there because it wasn't dealt with good on the time. you're saying that your dad hasn't been the suitable husband, possibly there are subject matters there with that too? possibly she feels psychologically 'trapped' with you all? it really is my rationalization in any case. As for help, (a) your dad might want to communicate over such as her (b) she might want to confirm the GP or (c) she might want to opt for counselling, both NHS or inner most, or perhaps attempt Relate. It sounds very tricky for all of you. i'm hoping issues workout consultation.

Answer 6

Go and see your own Doctor to talk about the problem. He/she should point you in the right direction to get help. You could also telephone your local Council and they will put you in touch with Social Services. You need some help fast, and also someone you can share your problems with. You haven't said what is wrong with your Mum, but I hope you don't take anti-depressants because these really can't solve the situation you're in. You need other people involved. Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear that you have such a controlling, hurtfull mother. I suggest you move out. It doesn't sound like she will change. Maybe she has problems of her own which explains why she behaves as she does. Furthermore have you thought about seeing the university counsellor? Maybe they can give you some advice.

Answer 8

maybe your mother has a mental illness which has not been spotted and she needs help but is taking everything out on you because she cant take it out on anyone else i am sure there are councillors in your college that you are able to speak to that will give you the help that you need if they cannot help you they will put you in touch with someone who will you didn`t mention your father does he live at home or are they separated maybe you could talk to him !!!!!

Answer 9

why dont you move out, your an adult at 22. Have you anyone that you can stay with? If thats not an option, go and see your Dr. explain to him or her the situation that your in, or speak to your uni/college they may be able to advise you.

Answer 10

You need to talk to a counselor - There may be free counseling services in your area. Check your yellow pages or ask at the local hospital.
best of luck.