I'm a stay at home mother. I recently just had a newborn & have a 3yr old. I feel like I do all the work, and my husband doesnt help as much as he thinks! He complains that being in the military and workin 60hrs a week makes him tired. So at night he doesnt wake up for the baby. Even on his days off. Is it fair?
2006-10-30 05:50:58 · 28 answers · asked by Island girl 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
no it's not fair all you have to do is put the baby in the room with your husband when he is off of work and sleep in another room. I guarantee that he will get up.
2006-10-30 05:54:30 · answer #1 · answered by NEET29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He migth be rigth but you migth be rigth too!!!
If you are a stay home mom then the only work will the mess your 3 yr old makes and the time a newborn requires. But he has no excuse for not helping being a mom is a job too so that means you work 24/7 and he only works 60 hrs a week. He can help while he is at home maybe taking care of your kids while you finis your duties at home or at least for you to rest and have time for you!!! What you can do plan a schedule on your duties at home that way you will not end up so tired at the end of the day and you will have for you to rest a while ... for example try let say washing clothe only once a week pick a day!!!, I'm sure yiur kids take naps make sure they both take it at the same time that way you willhave time to sleep, rest or just have time for YOU.. set time tomake dinner, lunch and the rest of your duites.. aslo make sure you 3yr old has only ONE place to play that way he/ she will not do a mess all over the house... it is just a matter of palnning a schedule so you wil get time to rest and not work so hard all day and for your husband he as a father and husband has the same responsabilities ... good luck and best wishes .....
mother of 3 !!!!
2006-10-30 14:06:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not fair, but you did marry a man in the military. I know you are tired and it seems never-ending, but that is what parenting consists of. Hey be thankful you have a husband, who can work while you take care of the children. Do you have a family member or good friend that could take the children off you hands for a couple of hours and then you go out and do you, massage, etc. Try to pace you time with the kids, sleep when they sleep, when they are awake, stimulate as much as possible so then the night is yours. Now as far as his days off, that's another story. It will get better. God Bless.
2006-11-06 05:09:21 · answer #3 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you what is "unfair".
What is "unfair" is this infant and 3 year old does not have enough bondment with their dad.
Therefore, this "I am too tired" is basically a cop out. Even if he is dragging the ground, seeing his children should perk him up enough to know his children's development matters more than his sleep, and yours.
My fiance is in the Marines. He works 7 days a week, for average of 12 hours per day, if not 24 duty shifts.
You know what he does when he comes home? He goes to work around the house, with out me even asking! I don't find that an excuse. He can take one day to himself or at least a few hours to laze around. Yet, he also can take the kids or watch them while they are napping for you to go out and have your "freedom" time. If the baby cries and you been up all night, wake him up and give the baby to him. Then you go lay down and get some sleep.
If he doesn't want to help much with "I'm tired", then I am also wondering if he is "too tired" to attend your needs too (couple's time).
You both are tired. You got two children with one with running legs and the other with a good set of lungs that can't communicate yet. Being a mother is a job in itself. Being in military is one hard job too.
You both need to communicate and come up with a system.
You both agreed to have two children. It is equal parts on parenting. Not "It's not fair". He has to learn to juggle military and parenting along with being a husband. Difficult task but can be done.
2006-10-31 02:41:20 · answer #4 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and no--- I can see both sides. If he's working that much and you are staying at home, home and the kids is your job as he sees it. He goes out to work, you stay home to work. In his defense, if he is up during the night, it could interefere with his job because he doesn't have the opportunity for naps. Now for your side--you are exhausted and getting up 2-3 times during the night taking care of a baby and then chasing a 3yr old around is a chore as well. Not to mention laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning, etc. I would say it's time to sit down and talk with your husband and let him know that with a new baby you are just going to have to put the kids and yourself first, and then housework will come second. If he can throw a load of laundry in before he leaves for work, you can try to throw it into the dryer during the day. Try to nap with the kids to keep yourself going, and somethings will just have to wait until you can get a new schedule for your even busier life. Try to not jump down each others throats for a messy house, or clothes left in the dryer because those are not the important things right now. Take care of each other and the kids and all else will fall into place.
2006-10-30 14:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by missionhtg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only tell you my opinion, I don't mean to offend you. This is my view. When a mother is a stay at home mom , that person is solely responsible for the care of the children and the home. When a person is a working mother than the responsibilties should be shared. I personally am a single parent. I do it all regardless. I work and take care of my son. When he gets up in the middle of the night I have to tend to him and then still get up at 6:00am and go to work regardless of how much sleep or lack there of I have had. I work 44hrs a week at the office and the rest at home cleaning and taking care of my son. I would gladdly stay home and take care of my son and the house all day., if my ex didn't bail. That is just my opinion. I just want you to know you do deserve some time to yourself. You do deserve a day off as well. My suggestion is to book some time with your husband for you to do something for yourself. For an example Saturday afternoons from 1:00pm to 4:00pm
Goodluck my dear.
For the lady who said something about a bill and the worth of a mother we are all priceless! Also how much is a single working mother worth?
2006-10-30 14:00:56 · answer #6 · answered by jenntherealdeal 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not fair. You need to get some rest as well. However, he does need to have a good night's sleep before work the next day so that he can function. Try striking a compromise with him. Explain to him that it is just as exhausting taking care of two children all day, only you don't get a break from it. He gets a break from his job. Ask him to take over with some responsibilities at home such as putting the 3 year old to bed, picking up after himself and the children, taking care of the children so you can take a bath, get dinner ready, etc. Also ask that he let you sleep in on his days off and he get up with the kids. Tell him it will be a great time for him to bond with them, especially since they are probably at their happiest in the morning(at least mine were). If he won't do it, let him know that he isn't being fair to you and the children. By not letting you get rest, you become a grumpy mommy and the kids need a happy, cheerful mommy taking care of them to make them happy, healthy, well adjusted children. If all else fails, threaten divorce. Always works on my hubby when he is at his most selfish.
2006-10-30 13:59:00 · answer #7 · answered by Misty T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is fair for you to take care of the kids at night during the week since he is working. But on the weekends he should definitely give you a break. And during the evenings he should spend time with the kids and give you a breather then too. I know because I just went through this same situation while I worked my wife stayed home and I know she would never have let me have the whole week off. You need to put your foot down It is just as much his responsibilty. Good Luck!
2006-10-30 13:58:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and No, I don't think it's fair you have to do everything with the kids by yourself basically, but on the other hand your husband is in the military he obviously has an important job. And also he brings in the money, Correct? Just gradually ask him for a little help here and there and he should get the hint.
2006-10-30 14:01:35 · answer #9 · answered by freeky_chick_02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not fair but that part of the military live I hate to say. You could always try talking with him but on the up side, he's setting you up for hard times, if he ever has to leave for a deployment or anything like that then you will already be used to doing it by yourself. A lot of women have a melt down when it comes to the guy leaving for a while because they don't know how to take care for things. I know alot of this life style sucks but its our job to find the up side and to hold our families together. And I know it doesn't seem fair but this is the best way I found to make myself feel better and to keep on going.
2006-10-30 14:10:45 · answer #10 · answered by Nicole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a stay at home mother is a 24/7 job. I think he should help you out. My husband woke up and took care of the babies every other night when I was on maternity leave from the hospital. That was our arraignment and I did ok. I don't think he's being fair to you.
2006-11-06 07:13:20 · answer #11 · answered by greylady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋