About a year ago my last boyfriend beat me pretty bad. I loved him so much. I don't remember much about it. I caught him cheating, I slapped her he beat the sh/it out of me. I still have a knarled hand from where he broke it and a scar on my skull where he bashed it against the house. Of course, I left him, but I'm still having trouble with intimancy. Like I said, it's been a year. Still I can't stand to be touched, even a brush turns my stomach, and I can't have sex. I've always loved sex until now. On the one hand I'm very horney, but when my new flame tries to get close physically, I freak out. What is wrong with me? How long will this last, and when will I be able to stand being touched again?
2006-10-30 05:38:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need professional help. Please go see a therapist or go to a support group. That is really the only way to get help. Good luck :)
2006-10-30 05:43:10 · answer #1 · answered by Richard J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been through a traumatic experience and it will take time. If you've met someone that's good to you that's what you need to focus on. Not all men are the same and not all of them will beat you. You need to realize when you got out of this relationship you became a survivor and no longer a victim. But as long as you hold onto the past you're still allowing him to have power over you. Don't let him win. Enjoy being with a man that treats you like a woman should be treated and make a better life for yourself. There's no better way to take that control from him than moving on and having a good life with someone else. Keep reminding yourself you're no longer a victim but a survivor.
2006-10-30 05:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all: congrats on your decision to leave the guy. Many women get caught in an abusive relationship, but one thing is sure: you never will. Good for you!!
And as many others already said: just see someone whom you can talk to and get a grip on the emtional termoil you're in. You are NOT dumb or crazy to feel this way, and I als know you will get over it. It is completely understandable it takes more than just a year. Part of your not being able to stand being touched might come from the fear to be cheated on again, or otherwise hurt. A good therapist will help you finding out what exactly scares you and how to get over it.
And also, try to tell your new guy what is bugging you, so he will understand and support you in stead of misunderstanding your freezing up for not liking him as a person. If he is a nice guy, he will help you. Don't force yourself to "get over it by being intimate".. it might make things only worse. With time and help you will get there by yourself!
Good luck!!
Love from Holland!
2006-10-30 06:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by icqanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off is that you have been through a very tramatic experience.This things do not just get up and leave you. You should seek some counciling about the situation. Just know that what happened to you was not your fault and you did not deserve what happened to you..
You will in time love sex and love being touched. But you need to seek some professional help as you have not truly gotten it out of your system
2006-10-30 05:43:11 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have this real bad too, and it was from ANYONE.
First you need to see a councilor, maybe not a therapist, just someone to talk to and get help. You may have mild PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) which can have little to major issues.
second if you havnt you need to talk to your new guy and tell him that at least for a while he needs to not touch you because it scares you. MAKE yourself touch him. if you can let him touch you a little everyday until it's old hat.
you need to talk to someone about the abuse though. They may perscribe you a mild anti-anxiety pill, i honestly wouldnt take anything else if they try to give it to you.
Good luck.
if you have any questions feel free to contact me.
I still have problems with sex after a rape i went through 6 years ago.. but there's hope!
2006-10-30 05:43:51 · answer #5 · answered by attila 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it quite is demanding to assert yet being a sufferer of abuse isn't in easy terms what we can see on the exterior, there are some psyhological, emotional, and distinctive worry that is going on and there's a conflict between, he will substitute, i'm able to restore him, he loves me and it will get greater ideal and the phobia of leaving and not understanding what to do exterior of the hell which you're dealing with, there is a few thing interior that broken and it would desire to be abandonment themes, forget themes from her previous, that shop her linked to somebody that verbally and bodily hurts her and no that may not like it quite is a type of administration and he gets further and extra violent and that may not the final time that he will hit her through fact while they initiate off they do no longer end it is going to become further and extra undemanding for them to harm the guy that they might administration. he additionally will initiate taking her faraway from you and her family individuals and inflicting her to close down and he will proceed to posion her ideas and use ideas administration by using intercourse, verbal abuse and actual abuse. She desires help and her family individuals must be secure in helping her to get faraway from him and staying faraway from him. She has to realize her self-properly worth and that she is worth of greater ideal therapy. I even have standard 2 rather large women people who have been being crushed and destroyed by potential of their husbands and noone did something and one isn't right here anymore he ultimately killed her and the different one is advise, envious and bitter now. help your chum get help it quite is a extreme count.
2016-12-28 08:18:39 · answer #6 · answered by osuch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find a guy who has completely different physical characteristics than your old boyfriend for starters. And then you need to really sit down and think about what touch really causes you to ice up. For instance i cant stand for a guy to hold my hair tightly. then make sure that your new BF knows that your very serious about him not doing those things. It will get better but some ways that a guy wants to touch you, you will just never like again.
2006-10-30 05:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
explain to the new guy what has happened in the past, and try to be the one who initiates the contact. if it is you touching him first, then you won't be so put off by it. trust me, it gets better in time. I would suggest talking to someone about it, professional help is NOT a bad thing... it doesn't make you weak or crazy, it only means that you were victim of something, and are responding the way any human would. good luck to you, girl!
2006-10-30 05:42:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not a woman but I might be able to shed some light on this one.
whenever you are touched and get that feeling that you just want to die, picture this bas#$%* in you head and beat the crap out of him, that way you can feel in control, oh also take judo or some other martial arts class.
counciling is good to.
2006-10-30 05:43:59 · answer #9 · answered by nik 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do get over it , it took me a while & still I have a therapist to talk to...I was in a relationship for 20 yrs...Im really gald you got out sooner...but your going to need somone to talk to & help you through this...You have to find out the problem before you can correct it...no one can tell you what that is for we're not pros here..but a therapist would be your best bet..Good Luck my friend & God Speed
2006-10-30 05:46:42 · answer #10 · answered by jpotts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋