what is the best way to deal with this?

Question

MY BROTHER HAS JUST TOLD MY PARENTS HE IS GAY AND THEY HAVE TOLD ME AND MY THREE SISTERS AND ONE OTHER BROTHER,BUT MY GAY BROTHER HAS TOLD MY PARENTS HE DOESN'T WANT US TO KNOW,WE ALL ACCEPT IT AND WANT HIM TO KNOW WE ACCEPT IT BUT THIS WOULD CAUSE PROBLEMS WITHIN THE FAMILY,
WE APPRECIATE HOW HARD IT MUST HAVE BEEN FOR HIM TO ADMIT TO BEING GAY AS THE REST OF US ARE ALL MARRIED WITH KIDS,WE JUST WANT HIM TO KNOW WE ARE OK WITH IT AND WE LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT.

THE PROBLEM IT WILL CAUSE IS HE WILL KNOW MY PARENTS TOLD US WHEN HE ASKED THEM NOT TO,HE CAN BE QUITE AGGRESSIVE AND HAS HIT OUT AT ALL OF US AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIFE.

NOTYOCHIC - WHATS UP WITH YOU,I AM JUST ASKING FOR PEOPLES ADVICE,I AM PROUD OF MY BROTHER WHATEVER!!! DON'T ANSWER AT ALL IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK ****!!!!

I AGREE WITH YOU ALL WHO SAY MY PARENTS SHOULD NOT HAVE TOLD US AND BROKE HIS CONFIDENCE,WE ALL FEEL THAT THEY WERE WRONG TO TELL US AND NOW WE ALL FEEL THAT WE COULDN'T TELL OUR PARENTS SOMETHING IN CONFIDENCE FOR FEAR OF THEM INFORMING THE REST OF THE FAMILY,BUT HEY THATS PARENTS FOR YA !!
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS,WELL MOST OF YOU,IT'S A REAL HELP.

Answer 1

If I were you, I would just carry on as though you don't know anything. If you were to give him your support he would feel betrayed because he told your parents in confidence. Let him tell you in his own good time, It will take a while for him to get used to your mum and dad knowing, it was such a big step for him. I'm sure he will tell you soon. You sound like a very caring sister. X

Answer 2

I would just let things go for now. In time he will tell the rest of the family in his own way and when he is ready. Don't pressure him to tell you by bringing up the subject of gays in any conversation. Also, never mention that your parents have already told you that he was gay. This would cause your brother to not trust your parents and won't confide in them anymore. Since you and the rest of your family accept him as being gay, just love him and care for him like you always have.

Answer 3

Because your family has love in their hearts,and are willing to accept your brother's lifestyle,then that's all that matters. I'ts wonderful,that you and the family have not turned their backs on him,which is what most families would have done. Being Gay is "normal" to him,so just keep treating him normal,like a son and a brother. As long as he has his family by his side,then everything is going to work out fine! (Now) I don't think the "young" grandchildren should see him with his "Male Friends" right now,because they would'nt understand. Wait until they are old enough to explain that situation. It's not the same as explaining "Heterosexual" Relationships. (Good Luck to you and your family)

Answer 4

It's strange that he told your parents but not you or your other brothers and sisters. It's usually the other way around. I would just tell him that you know he's gay and you're all absolutely fine with it and, like you said, you love him no matter what. Hopefully he'll understand, as it's not as if you'd never find out. Good luck.

Answer 5

That happened to me the same thing and i was the only person that has not been verbally told that my sister is gay but i found out myself by the behavior she has carry around and i always wanted to hear her confess to me but it never occur so what i did is go with the flow with her (including her girlfriend) and we go places and when time goes on, the ice starting to break apart and it was time for her to spill and let the cat out of the bag the time she felt comfortable when i treat her girlfriend like my sister and do activities together. One day i gave some compliment to her and asked her a simple question if she was with her girlfriend then she became more confidence and open herself more to me she was more relive and happy for me to know as i told her i really don't care she has an opposite sex partner as long the relationship makes her happy makes me happy. That goes the same with my male cousin too.

Answer 6

I can understand how your brother would feel. The same thing kinda happened to me when I came out about being bi. I told a friend I thought I could trust and she gabbed about it. Half the school knew by lunch time (4 hours later!) My sis and oldest brother (he is younger than me) found out and confronted me about it, questioning about if it were true. I wasn't going to lie because it was nothing to be ashamed of but my mother has never liked lesbians and my stepdad was abusive so I begged them not to tell them or my other two brothers who were old enough to understand. That night, my oldest brother just announces in front of my stepdad "Shel's gay" In the end, my stepdad didn't beat me, but insisted I bring my girlfriend home, and my mother claimed it was all a phase that would pass and remained that way until two years ago when I brought home my girlfriend and we announced that we wanted to be together for as long as time would allow. I could deal with my parent's reaction, but I have never trusted my brother with anything since, it stung me so terribly.
My best advice to you hun is to not tell your parents anything in confidence until they can prove to you that they deserve to be trusted. Confront them and let them know how it hurt you that they would break your brother's trust like that.
As for how to handle your brother, keep your silence. Don't say a word to him about it. Let him come to you. Even if he finds out what your parent's did, it will let him know he can trust and respect you.

Hope I've helped.

Answer 7

The best thing to do in this situation is act like you do not know. Myself personally have several gay friends who have not told their parents because it would crush them. I can tell that you love your brother very much you just keep telling him this and eventually he will feel comfortable enough to come out to the whole family. - Kelsey

Answer 8

Tell him. He is just scared that you will not understand. It is quite likely that he hoped your parents would pass it on. Tell him how proud of him you are that he was able to tell his parents and how you appreciate that it took a lot of courage. Tell him that you love and support him. As a Christian I don't believe it is right to be gay but as a human being I know we all have our own characters and 'faults (don't harangue me for that please - it's just an expression!). I am drastically overweight and my family find it disgusting - but if I was slim I'd still be me. You either love someone or you don't. Accept any perceived failings together with that love. Many blessings and good luck to you all. x

Answer 9

Just let him know slyly that you're okay with gay people in general and let him tell you in his own terms. There is no need for you to confront him about it especially if its going to cause a problem with trust in the family. It may make you look like the nice guy and feel good about yourself by coming to him and saying you're okay with it, but its not about you, its about him. Have your parents push him by saying they think his siblings would understand and then be supportive and open when he does tell you. Just give it time and then after he tells you reassure him that you're okay with it and love him no matter what, but speak for yourself, don't say "We all are..." let everyone else tell him themselves - its better that way.

Answer 10

If you are close, bring up the subject. You could say you suspect he may be gay since he isn't married or if there are other things you pick up on. Maybe it would be a relief for him to know that you are all okay with it. If he is violent maybe it's because he has so much held inside. Good luck.