I hate my dads guts he used to beat my mum,brother and myself he also used to rape my mum in front of us i havent spoken to him in years and years but i have a 2 year old son do you think i should let my dad have contact with him then again im unsure if he would want contact its just been playing on my mind my son has no granparents help!!
2006-10-30 05:10:57 · 34 answers · asked by smiff78 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
contact him and see if he wants to meet up with you,then you can see if he has changed,living his life like he always did,or if he is remorseful and very apologetic about what he has done,but dont mention anything about your son,after a few meetings with him alone,make your decision,it wont be easy though,but if you put yourself in the position that when you are older,your son has kids,would you like to be part of their life,or would you be happy enough to live on not knowing your family,not an easy one,but you sound like a strong minded person,i am sure the dcision you make will be the right one,good luck!
2006-11-01 11:21:31 · answer #1 · answered by cal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to think about your son and frankly your father sounds like a complete nightmare...I suggest you leave your father out of the picture because you, yourself are probably still scarred by what he put your family through...you don't need to open old wounds up...enjoy and cherish your child and don't let anything disrupt his childhood/life. Your father is/was too unstable. Your son does not need grandparents....I was brought up with absolutely no other family around, just my sisters and parents, we are fine! You could always adopt a granny/ grandpa...I have seen adverts for such a set up...you know 'sweet' old folk who want a little bit of company... or do you have some other older friend/ex work mate you could visit as a substitute figure? Grandparents are great but not a vital requirement...but do think long and hard before you open the door to your abusive father... good luck...my heart goes out to you...
2006-10-30 05:32:10 · answer #2 · answered by Susie Drew 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How dreadfully sad and a dilemma for you. I have to say I would advise against contact if he has been as awful as you say. Certainly you would need a third party present. You may be better off finding some surrogate grandparents - many older people don't have grandchildren and may be only too happy to act as grandparents to your son. Look amongst the people you know - it's essential for you to be completely at ease with whoever is a 'grandparent' and your child's safety and happiness must be foremost. Best wishes and good luck.
2006-10-30 05:33:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!!!!, what a terrible childhood you had, if you really want to contact you father, i would hope that he has changed a lot, as i don't think that you would want your son to have anything to do with a man who used to do those kind of things, i know that i wouldn't............maybe your son would be better off having no grandparents, than someone like that, your father does not deserve a daughter like you or a lovely grandson, is there a person, who could be a sub grand parent for your son..........good luck and god bless.
2006-10-30 05:25:25 · answer #4 · answered by donua1022 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO . He use to beat you or your brother or rape your mum i would not let him know he has grandson. just the best way is to protector your son because he could beat u son too or harm him .So say alway from him dont go to him, let him came to u.if he came ask for forgiveness than maybe it will be different story but dont let him or let your son meet his grandson because maybe he will tell your son all about what he did before or may cause harm because if someone beat his kids he is not father or rape their in front them he is an animal not human.
so dont tell him
2006-10-30 05:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by Mr Single 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If i was U I ould not contact him, if he put u through that hell then just maybe he might put your son through the same. Yes some people change but why take the chance. My real father was sort of the same but I would never put my daughter through it. The only one she knows is her grandparents that she has now but she may never know about mommys real dad, it is up to you. There are adopt a grasndparent programs every where, maybe check the programs out. Do not put your son through this please..
Maybe tell him about him when he gets older.
2006-10-30 05:39:04 · answer #6 · answered by whats up all 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there , I Think deep into your mind you really want to tell ur dad abt it , else u would have never though about it in your head , I can see that your father did had a very unsable past but it does not mean he would still be the same , People change with experience and time , and i am sure time is a big healer for both of U , so if you ask me frankly i think he deserves a second chance.
Go ahead you never know what the life has it for you. Its always better to explore than to sit and think about IF's and But's
2006-10-30 05:23:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
No and don't feel guilty about your son not having grandparents,my 2 kids grandparents don't want to be active in their lives,that's their loss as far as I'm concerned.Your dad has got serious problems unless he has evidence to show he has changed his ways the I'd just carry on with your life.Good luck let me know how you get on.
2006-10-30 05:25:01 · answer #8 · answered by MANC & PROUD 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No way. Your father lost any rights to family the day he started abusing his own. You have been through some awful and horrific things and come out of it strong. Take pride in the family you have built, your child does not need a person like your father in his life, I'm sure you are capable of giving him all the love he will ever need. Take care x
2006-10-31 09:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by Dancing Queen 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know what this man is capable of, why would you want him in your child's life? a grandparent influences grandkids - something that is not healthy in your situation. Don't tell him, go on living your life and being a good mom. Maybe there is someone else in your life that will fill the role of 'grandpa', if you have an elderly neighbor, for example. Remember that it is more important for a child to have loving and caring people in their life, rather than grandparents.
2006-10-30 05:18:22 · answer #10 · answered by Memphis qt 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋