I am finding it hard to save it for marriage!?

Question

My boyfriend and I are strong Christians, but sometimes I can't help it-- sometimes I get so hot that I fantasize about my boyfriend and me having sex... But I want to save it for marriage! How can I relieve this? I want to be pure and stay celibate while we are still dating! I know that the Bible says it's better to marry than to burn, but we are both still in college! Please help with this... Thanks!

Answer 1

A couple of thoughts for you:

1) Lots of people get married in college and have wonderful marriages. (my husband was still in college, and a lot of our good friends are married and are still going to school).

2) Have you talked together and set specific boundaries and what you will and will not do to show your affection? I think the best thing you can do is have that discussion, will you lie down together? Where can your hands go or not go? How late will you stay up together? When and where is it okay for the two of you to be alone? What is a good way to back off from being close with out hurting the other one's feelings?

Have the talk, it's a lot easier to avoid pre-marital sex if you avoid the things that lead up to it-that's the only thing that got me through to my wedding day :)

Good luck with all the big decisions.

Answer 2

This is really a common problem. You are not alone.

Problem is, you and your bf have become emotionally close during your time of courtship, and your bodies are assuming you are ready to mate. This is where some strict personal discipline will come in handy. Your body doesn't know any better--it's just trying to procreate. You will have to make a mental judgement on behalf of your body. That is why you have a mind!

Try a fast. Abstain from everything but water for one day. If that works out well, abstain from everything but water for two days, then three. The mental discipline it will take to avoid eating is phenomenal! The exercise will also help you realize that you can abstain from ANYTHING. Make sure you check with your family doctor or a nurse before starting this, in case you have physical problems that might prohibit fasting.

Avoid time alone with your bf. I notice you did not call him your fiance'! If the physical desires are getting strong enough to be a problem, you need to back off for a little while. Have you had a fight yet? There will be plenty of those when marriage shows up. Have you discussed things like church, inlaws, children and discipline, jobs? There may be a lot of things you don't know about each other yet.

Nobody said abstinence was easy, but it is ultimately better than throwing away your wedding night and getting dumped. The first is FAR less painful.

Answer 3

Of course it's hard! Jesus never said that following Him would be easy. On the contrary, He said that if you wish to be His disciple, you must take up your cross and follow Him. Your present situation is part of the cross you must carry, if you would be His disciple. He carried His cross for us, to the end. We must carry our crosses for Him to the end as well.

The feelings you have for the man you love are of course completely natural and normal. But Jesus died for our sins so that we could live in a way that is not just natural, in a way that supercedes what is merely natural, in a way that is in fact supernatural. I met my wife in college (we have been happily married almost 40 years now), so I completely understand what you are going through. So then, what can you do?

Avoid situations that make it easier to give in to temptation. Date in public places. Don't be alone in either of your dorm rooms. Of course you need some privacy sometimes, but there are places where you can have enough privacy to talk and be affectionate, yet not enough privacy to go beyond that. Planning your activities in this way shows that you are serious about remaining pure and making God's will the center of your relationship.

Agree on your limits for physical intimacy. Don't give in to the worldly view that is so graphically depicted in popular music, movies and magazines. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Follow your conscience. Agree before the fact that certain kinds of touching and kissing are off limits until you are married. It shouldn't be a matter of your not "allowing" him to do certain things. It should be a mutual decision, made on the basis of mutual love. True love means always doing what is best for the other person. Sin is the worst thing that can happen to any person. Therefore true love means protecting each other from sin.

Pray together. If God must be the center of a Christian marriage, He also must be the center of a Christian courtship. Attend the church of your choice together, and worship together. There is no more important aspect of growing in love than growing in God's love.

Seek counsel. I don't mean professional counseling. I mean get together with either a clergyman you trust or a Christian married couple you trust, and talk things over informally. Both can offer you some good advice you might not think of yourselves.

And know that I will be praying for you.

Answer 4

Since you are both Christians my advise would be to give your problem to God. I don't mean to sound mean here, and I say this with all the Christian love I can muster, but instead of asking it here, ask God to help you. He is faithful and true and will not put more on you than you can handle. When times get tough, you and your boyfriend go to God in prayer, make a pledge to each other (if you haven't) to remain celibate because you seek after what God wants. See sex for what it is, a gift from God for us to use under His conditions.

My very best to you, and I pray that you will make it! You will, just rely on the Lord

Answer 5

It is very hard to keep from having sex but it's so much better if you do wait until you are married. Spending less time alone is a good way to keep those horomones under control. Go out in groups, volunteer somewhere. And pray when you are together. Ask God to help keep the two of you pure. God will always give you an out.

Answer 6

Paul the same one who wrote it's better to marry than to burn

also wrote that you should keep you mind on things above and a fruit of the spirit is self control

with all that said
me and my wife meet in bible collage and we also found it hard to not fall in to sexual sin so we used some guide lines that helped us.
1. never be alone
2. never be alone
3. no torching except holding hands
4. no heave kissing b/c that leads to touching !
5. if no Friends can't go with us stay in a public place.
6. and this is hard to believe but not praying together and no bible reading together it will make you and him hot !

hope this helps and talk to a local pastor stay accountable to some one!

Answer 7

You can not undo it once it is done. On the other hand-if you were a biblical character you would have been married years ago and on your 9th child. Is there a logical reason for not getting married now? If you do the nasty and it turns out you don't get married how will you feel then? If you truely beleive in your convictions do not put yourself in the position that will make you want to change them. Or get married! You are fighting nature-you are supposed to feel this way.

Answer 8

If you are a strong Christian, you should put the fantasies away. There is no room in the Christian mind for filth. Stop necking and spend your time in the Bible together. You will be rewarded. Study especially Daniel and Revelation. Find out who the beasts are. Get caught up on where we are in history. We are in the tips of the toes of the great statue of Gold, Silver, Bronze, Iron, and Iron mixed with Clay! We are at the end and there is no time to fool with the lusts of the flesh. The spirit and the flesh are at war.

Answer 9

Well, first of all I admire you for wanting to save yourself for your husband. You don't see that this day and age because everyone wants self gratification now! All I can tell you is that I waited until my husband and I were married. Yes, it was hard but I did. Set boundaries for yourselves and try not to put yourself in compromising situations. I know that is easier said than done. If you are really struggling with this and you give in you will hate yourself. Especially if you guys break up. There are people that will tell you "go ahead, it's just a little sin". In God's eyes, sin is sin. I respect you for wanting to wait. I will be praying for you. I hope this helps.

Answer 10

God did not ever say "sex before marriage , will send you to hell."

I believe that giving in, to your urge , is good, when the other feels the same way.

Jesus does not care , wether someone follows what the churches say, or the bible says.

He said " I am the way , and the light"

but it was not said " the church is the way and the bible is the light."

Those whom do good , are following his path. And good is simply, Loving one another.

That's it.

Not following what he church says.

For example , if a man has a broken leg. And a woman comes along, and helps him to the hospital, saving his life so he didn't bleed to death, the man is not going to say to the lady " if you are not christian, i want Nothing to do with you."

No.

They will embrace, for the lady was doing the work of God, by loving. Without condition.

It matters Not , wether one goes to church or listens to what the preist says.

But what God says. And God is Love. And Love is UNconditional.

He does not say , "you must not have sex untill your married, and you must give money to your local church, and you must listen and do everything your minister says."

No, Jesus himself healed Everyone. Not just those whom would go to church and listen to the minister.

When a rich man came to him asking for healing for his servant, and told Jesus , that he was a sinner and could not let Jesus into his home, yet if Jesus said it so, that his servant would be healed.

In return, Jesus placed his hand on his shoulder and said to those among them," Behold, I have never found such Faith in all of Judea, then I have in This man."
and looked at him and said," go, your servant is well again."

Jesus found the most faith , in one whom does not go to church nor listens to ministers At All.

I Promise YOU, that there are more Faithfull followers and workers of God, in the world, (whose name is never known, and are people that Never go to church nor listen to the laws spoken by a minister,) and Yet are numbered more Greater then that of those whom do go to church and read the bible.