I guess it all makes sense now? What do you guys think... honestly?

Question

We've been together for 4 yrs now. We live together, have a life together, and my son who's 5 has no memory of life without him. We've had problems, but who hasn't? After a stress filled week, I find out 3 days ago that I'm pregnant. We've talked about it so often for the past year that I'm sure he'll be thrilled. Not only is he NOT thrilled, he'd like for us not to keep it. He cites every cliche reason in the book, ranging from us "argueing a lot lately", to the "timing being off" (he just started a new job). I'm 28 yrs old. He knows (& agrees) that I want to have one more baby before 30. For the first time in our relationship, he actually mentioned the possibility of us not staying together; "What if we break up? I wouldn't want you to be a single mom with 2 kids". I have NEVER heard him say anything of the sort before, & if anything, has always been the confident, optimistic one. Does this mean he's never been serious? Am I missing something... a hint? What do you think?

I wanted to add here that he has remained unyielding. I don't think I've ever cried as hard or as much as I have these past couple of days. Neither of us has really had a lot of sleep, because we stay up talking all night. I've begged and pleaded. I've done everything. He comes back with more excuses that contradict his other excuses. When I tell him I'm keeping it anyway, he get angry, turns stoic, and doesn't utter another word till he's thought up a new excuse.

Sometimes he'll say something like "If you decide to keep it, I guess I have no choice but to accept that, but please remember I warned you"... If he shows the slightest hint of giving in, he immediately points out the negative aspects of it.... I don't know. I've NEVER seen him like this before. Never. Now, I'm hearing of problems I didn't even know we had. Issues galore. Issues his family apparently has with me... *sigh*. He doesn't want to tell anyone. I think he's hoping to change my mind. I'm so confused.

Answer 1

Is he having an affair? It seems strange that he's had such a change of heart. If you can support yourself and two children, I would move on without him. It seems his priorities have changed quite a bit. If talking really isn't getting you anywhere, your children and yourself are what you need to worry about at this stage.

Answer 2

well, just think of it this way, its not like you're having the kid tomorrow. you have almost 9 months to get ready. and by then it wont be such a new job, and you might be arguing a lot because you're pregnant and didnt know you were emotional until a few days ago. find out why he's really against this all of a sudden, maybe since this is his kid too instead of it being YOUR son that just thinks of him as a dad he's just getting scared about the responsibility?? tell him you want HIS baby and this is the perfect opportunity to have one last baby before turning 30. in the end, its your baby too, dont give it up if you dont want to. if he really loves you, he'll stay and he'll be thrilled in the end to have a child of his own, and if he leave, be it, it wasnt meant to happen and you'll just have to be there for the kids.

Answer 3

Take a deep breath. Now, you had said YOU were hoping to have another baby before you turn 30. This is what you were hoping for. Can you do this without him? Do you really what to be tied to this man for the rest of your life; you haven't committed to him because you said you are living together-not married which to me says there is something that is keeping you 2 from making this permanent, his family has issues with you that you have not been aware of that he is just now bringing to your attention, your relationship is rocky or his reaction would not have come to a surprise to you. A child ties you to him forever-not just when you need money from him for bigger shoes or for him to pick her up when she is sick at school, but also when she needs help with a down payment for a car and bail money for her teenager. That's a long time to be involved with someone you are having questions about

Answer 4

Sounds like his problem is more than just having another kid. Why souldn't he want to, if he didn't plan on staying with you? Why say something like "don't want you to be a single mother with 2 kids?"
Him bringing up his family having problems with you (however, if he was a real man, he'd say f*uck them, this is the woman I love, and he'd tell his family to mind their own f*ucking business). Talking about you being without him, and all the other bullshit. He can see how much you want it, yet won't budge. I think there is more of an issue than just having the baby. If you want it, HAVE IT, and let him do what he thinks he needs to. If he wants to leave because of it, it doesn't sound like he is much of a man to begin with. Do what YOU want. Don't get rid of a child because someone ELSE wants it. Whether you love him or not....that isn't right. You aren't going to melt away by being a single mother of 2. Do what you want, and what you think is right. Forget what his selfish ego wants, or what his family has to say.

Answer 5

Has he gotten too comfortable with your relationship? Maybe now he is ready to run away from all that is happening. Sounds as if he is coming up with all sorts of excuses to back up his side of the situation. I have been on the recieving end of this before. Ask him to talk seriously with you about this and stop making excuses. You have been together four yrs, you should be able to work this out. Keep a positve outlook.

Answer 6

if there is a chance that he can be happy with you, then he will stay with you. keep the baby. and trust me. the love of a father will change him.there is nothing like it.
and as for you missing something, i think you 2 might have some communication issues. do me a favor and let him read the question, because that is how you feel and he will know it. and if he gets mad and leaves, then you shouldnt have been w/ the guy in the first place. the only thing you can do is know what you want and be totally honest.

Answer 7

I don't think I have any insight for you and I think you might want to consider a very close family member or friend to confide in this is huge. (Professional help would not be out of the question either) I am very sorry for what you are going through. Your a big girl, only you can decide if you can raise two children on your own, seems obvious he does not want to be involved any longer (again sorry) - you have some serious soul searching to do, God Bless!

Answer 8

Girl, i don't envy your situation because a baby needs his/her parents to live a healthy and satisfying life but with what happens inthis day and age, children grow up in single and broken homes and still do thrive.

If you really want this child which from the looks of things you want to, then KEEP IT. Who knows? If You abort it, you may regret it for the rest of your life so why not keep that precious soul. Consult your family to know their stance in this matter. Remember, its you that has to make the decision. I'm not a pro-abortion or anti-abortion campaigner but i believe in doing things that will make you happy. Even if you abort it, who says that both of you will still be together, you may end up losing your womb in the process and remember that women who have had abortions have thinner wombs and are more prone to miscarriages.

Its all up to you.

Answer 9

he seems to be terrified of the idea. if i understood correctly, he is not the father of your other child. although he might have acted like one, at the back of his head there was always the thought that he wasnt as responsible for that child as he should have been if it was actually his. now, he is called to take full resposibility of something.
right now you are a little family without any commitments. if you keep this baby it ll be like a proper marriage to him. i am not saying that this is a bad thing. its just that he doesnt seem to be ready for this new idea.
on the other hand, try when you talk about it with him to concentrate on the real reasons that make him act and react the way he does. you might descover things you never expected. as long as you talk it over on the surface, you ll only go in circles.
best of luck

Answer 10

It's possible that he is feeling "trapped" by the relationship. This often happens when us guys feel like we're failures in our careers or in life. By reassuring him that you care for him, and that you are genuinely interested in his success, you may turn around these feelings. What it may sound like to him is "Honey, I want you to provide for me and two kids, so work more and get a better job."

While this is not your intent (I hope), the stresses of a new job and the weight of providing for a family may be too much for him to take. Adding more stress will not only push him away, but shows that you are not sympathetic of the stresses he is experiencing. I hope this helps!