i need help?

Question

i am close to my aunt. she got knocked down last year and as been depressed. her boyfriend works and she as three daughters two under 5. the problem is she always on the phone to me to go to her house and help watch kids and when i am there i do everything clean watch them

i never have time to go out and have to break my plans. i want to say no but dont want to hate her feelings what can i do she taking over

Answer 1

Hello Az.

you have been really good to your Aunt. WELL DONE!! she's very blessed to have someone so helpful. However it's not helpful to her or you if your so stressed about not having any time of your own. Thing is, you might end up very down. Depression is a horrible illness and sometimes depressive people drag you down as well without realising what they are doing.

Please go and see your doctor and tell him or her your problem and that you are struggling. If that doesn't work go to Child line (if under 18 i think) and ask their advise. You really shouldn't be supporting this woman and her family on your own. There are organisations that can help her cope (if your in Britain) What ever you do PLEASE DONT MAKE YOUR SELF ILL. XX

Answer 2

Tell her you don't mind helping out and love her and the kids and how you feel that you just need a break. OR, tell her something like "hey, next weekend, I have plans to go hang out with some friends, movies", or whatever fits you. And, act VERY excited about going! That will give her enough time to prepare for you not coming over. And, it will help you if you are truly too uncomfortable to tell her and maybe hurt her feelings. Then, spend the day of course doing whatever you want! BUT, very important to remember to keep yourself "busy" for as long as YOU feel comfortable. Then, YOU can decide when you WANT to go over to her house. This is a longer way of course, so again, use this only if you are not going to tell her. Actually, she may start to wonder, and THEN you may feel more comfortable to open up! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

in your case, the best things that you can do is to have a talk with her. sometimes, people won't know the real situation until we talk to them. maybe, she thinks that you understand her feeling after been knocked down. in the same time, she wanted you to understand her, but she doesn't want to understand your feeling either. so, this is where the problems begin to start. thus, having talk with her is something that you can do. make sure she understands your situation.
please thinks about this.'IT IS A GOOD DEED TO HELP PEOPLE, BUT STOP TO HELP THEM IF IT JUST GONNA TO HARSH YOU AND MAKE YOU INTO THE TROUBLE'. isn't that this about life...

i'm sure, your aunt completely understands if you could just telling her your difficulty.isn't that she is also a woman, besides becoming a mother to 3 daughters.
so' good luck to you.

Answer 4

She obviously feels you are of valuable support to her. I think you should speak to her boyfriend and perhaps other family members. It's not fair if you are doing all the looking after her - whether you want to/are prepared to - you are entitled to a break too. Speak to others and explain your concerns - I am sure she wouldn't want to be putting you out all the time. Remember not to upset her - take it slowly and hopefully you'll get some support from the rest of your family. Good luck.

Answer 5

You need to start saying no, it will be horrible at first, but you have to explain to her that you love helping out, but you have plans that you can't break. She will learn to back off and be more independent.

She is taking advantage of your good nature so get yourself some space from her then you can have a much better relationship. But the first step is to start saying no I'm afraid.

Answer 6

all you can do is be polite and say ..."you know aunt, i have made plans today so maybe i can come over another time" if she insists then YOU insist that you cannot break your plans just because she wants you there, you have to be firm, but polite, she will understand, if you feel that she's playing on your good hospitality then just tell her that you have plans and cannot break them no matter what, make arrangements to go over say twice a week just to help out.....

Answer 7

my aunt was pretty demanding and in the end I was 'expected' to do loads of stuff for her, including looking after her house and cat when she was away, even her son didnt bother with her, it all got too much in the end and I had to disappear for a couple of weeks to regain my sanity, bad subject for me really, could go on forever,
cut your visits down and be pacific about when you can go there, good luck

Answer 8

She is taking advantage of your good nature. If she cant cope with the kids and her housework, she needs to get some proper help in. Next time say no you are busy.

Answer 9

have a gang bang

Answer 10

just tell her no you got to be crule to be kind