I am 4 months pregnant with twins, and starting to get alot bigger. My fiancee has a 4 year old son with another women and he comes round every second weekend. The ex wife seems a bit upset about the hole thing although she does feel it will be good for their son to have brothers or sisters. She is worried he will be left out during this time. How do you deal with such a situation?
2006-10-30 01:28:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
iI don't believe she is as worried that her son will be left out of the pregnancy, I believe she is more concerned that "daddy" will be too busy with 2 new children and will forget his other son. Thus, he needs to be very assuring that his present child is the BIG BROTHER and make him feel special and excited to look forward to the babies. He needs to feel a part of his dad's new family. Also, you need to realize that he is just as much daddy to his son as to his upcoming babies and it needs to be a family-for -all. In other words, one day when you plan that trip to disneyworld...it needs to be with ALL THREE children. Not just the ones you two bore. Does that make sense? The only thing "different" with child #1 is that he shares time between his mom and your house...but he is as much his daddy's son as the two new babies. Good luck. Have fun and keep the family full circle.
2006-10-30 01:33:38 · answer #1 · answered by latte_dbl_shot 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Be sure to spend time with him. Before and after the twins are born. When we had our second (we did this when our twins were born as well) we adopted a rule in our house. You could not see the new baby, until you first spent some time with the other child. This worked wonderful for us and it helped my son (and then son and daughter) from feeling pushed aside for the new baby/babies.
We also got them new baby dolls to help practive how to be "gentle' with a baby. This helped a lot too. I really didn't have any issues with my son or daughter being too rough with the little one.
You might also want to set some time aside after the twins are born that you can share with the older child. One on one time is really important. You should do that with the twins as they get older as well.
Congrats on twins btw! Mine are going on 3 now. It goes by way too fast. I hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy :)
2006-10-30 03:23:50 · answer #2 · answered by totsandtwins04 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a lovely book called ' there is a house in my tummy' which is aimed at explaining about the growing baby to toddlers. Maybe get out your baby book and go through the pictures with him. Also tell him important he will be when the babies arrive because he will be a big brother and they will look up to him etc etc. Also when the twins are born make sure thast you have a present ready for him from them. Good luck.
2006-10-30 01:37:45 · answer #3 · answered by bottomburps 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Main thing is talk to him. Ask questions about being a big brother and fun things he will be able to do with new brother/sisters. Take him out to buy presents for new siblings ready to give them when they are born, and also get a gift for the twins to give him when they are born. Ask grandparents to buy a small gift for him too. Maybe you could take him along to a scan? or show him a scan picture and ask him to draw it. Talk to him about what the arrangments will be when the babies are born (when he will visit etc), he will then know what is going on and won't feel pushed out.
Good Luck
2006-10-30 01:44:04 · answer #4 · answered by missluly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he's going to be a big brother and that he can teach the twins lots of things as they get bigger. If you can, take him along to the scan so he can see the babies and let him meet them as soon as he can afterwards. Buy him a small gift from the twins, maybe a little bit of something each from them or one bigger gift, that'll make him like them instantly if its something he really wanted! Afterwards let him help out if he wants to but don't force him. he might rather play with his toys than pass nappies etc...try and make time to play with him on his own without the twins so he doesn't feel like they're muscling in on his time altho it will be hard at first. Also take him shopping and see if there's anything he'd like to get them before they're born, a rattle each or something he can bring them just from him.
good luck!
2006-10-30 01:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by Andromeda Newton™ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is ok to allow him to part of what is going on, you can show him pictures of your scans. The are all of child friendly books which shows the stages of pregnancy etc which you could go through with him. You can even bring him along to your appointments so that he can hear the baby's heart beat etc.
You and your partner will also need to reassure him and get him to play an active role such as changing and feeding. I also speak to him about being the the big 'brother' etc and how clever he his being able to feed himself, dressing himself etc, unlike the baby who needs you to do everthing for them.
Hope it all goes well!!!
2006-10-30 10:22:32 · answer #6 · answered by fire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A four year old could start to be involved now. Let him in on discussions about the nursery, and buying equipment. Let him know what a big boy he is going to be, and how he can be Daddy's big helper.
Let you man spend as much time with his son as his ex will allow, with twins coming it will be more difficult after.
Best of luck.
2006-10-31 05:58:34 · answer #7 · answered by FUGAZI 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
every parent grows through these who want mmore children. I gave my son a baby doll and told him that there is a baby like that in mommy's belly. He was only 15 months at the time, but he understood. Tell them when you are later developed in your pregnancy. You look the same around 4 mouths at 7 months you won't,
2006-10-31 08:55:12 · answer #8 · answered by fourcheeks4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can get over it, and rejoice that two beautiful babies are coming into the world. It will be a good experience for their son, especially with two brothers/sisters. Ask if he can go to an ultrasound with you, to see the babies that are "in your tummy", and tell her she is more than welcome to come. When you have them, I am sure he will want to help and hold them....so I do not think he will feel left out, if you continue to do what you are doing. Good luck! :)
2006-10-30 04:20:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Check with your doctors office. The birthing classes that I am attending, also have a class for older siblings to help them better understand about your pregnancy and the babies. Check with churches or some sort of social agencies in your areas to see if these or other resources may be available to you.
2006-10-30 01:50:17 · answer #10 · answered by lnlyheart123 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋