Please, I really need your help... I am in love with a man, we had a relationship for 2 years, we lived together for a year, we planned on getting married and having kids.... But he had a serious problem with anger management, and I told him I won't marry him until he got the problem under control. He didn't do anything about it and it kept getting worse, so after one fight I kicked him out of the house. He moved into a hot singles area and I was really afraid of losing him, which of course made me act like a posessive idiot. Then I found his ad on a personals site and broke up with him... I said really harsh things and wouldn't even let him explain himself. It's been over a month and I love him so much and miss him more than I ever thought possible! I saw him this Saturday - 1st time since we broke up - I lost 20 lbs, got my teeth whitened, had my hair highlighted, and I had a really short skirt with fishnet stockings and stiletto boots. He wouldn't even look at me! Help, I need him!!
2006-10-30 00:50:52 · 11 answers · asked by askandanswer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I tried to follow all the advice on this site... Act happy but aloof, make him see me happy and enjoying myrself, look really hot - I think I did all that but he won't even look at me! He looked at everything around me, but not me! It just hurt so much! I don't know if I should try to email him and ask him something innocent - like, how did you like my costume? Or maybe ask him out for a cup of coffee somewhere? I don't know what to do, how to get him to talk to me! I could see that he was really upset, and I keep asking myself - if he didn't love me anymore, if he didn't care, why would he be so upset? But then I think maybe he was upset because our mutual friends invited us both to the same event? I just don't know... Please help me win him back, I really cannot live without him!
2006-10-30 00:56:04 · update #1
I didnt mean to give you the wrong impression - it definitely wasn't all bad, he was caring and nice a lot of the time. Things were bad when he lost his temper, but outside of that things were good between us, we are a match for each other in so many ways. I mostly blame myself, I cried a lot and got mad at him instead of trying to figure out where the angry outbursts were coming from in the first place. I think I could have done more to help him, I just didn't know how. Now I know how, I have the right tools, but I just don't know how to get him back into my life. I love him with all my heart, if I didn't I wouldn't be going out of my way trying to figure out how to fix our relationship. I have been working on myself, on my personality, on my emotional control and my reactions. I just wish I had a chance to make it work with him again...
2006-10-30 01:31:39 · update #2
Okay, let me get this straight; You broke up with him because of his "serious anger management problem". You kicked him out. He left because you wouldn't allow him to hurt you anymore. He's out looking for a new victim and you're jealous. Don't you see- it doesn't matter how good you look. He wants someone he can blame and vent at. He doesn't want someone to love. You would be better to look at your addiction to adrenaline rush and ask yourself why you would see abuse as a substitute for affection. Sometimes we get so used to a behavior we take it as normal. Arranging your whole life- every move, every decision- around someones anger is no way to live. Stand up for yourself. When you have children they will learn from YOU what a real relationship is. Would you wish for them a relationship like you describe? Would you really want to have children with this man knowing he would treat them the same- or worse? You are a woman who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. You need to treat YOURSELF with dignity and respect. Get a little counseling if you need it, but find someone who wants an equal relationship, not control by fear. You will do so much better when you realize it doesn't have to be a roller coaster ride. Love has ups and downs, sure, but not the extremes. I think you know what I mean. My best wishes for you.
2006-10-30 01:11:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you don't need him. You need help figuring out why you're going through all these extremes to be with a man with anger management issues. That's not healthy.
Aside from that, any relationship that evolves out of manipulation (emotional, physical or otherwise) is doomed to fail. If you have "win" his love, it's not worth having. Either he loves you or he doesn't. It sounds like you miss him because he's not around, not because he treated you well, or got a handle on his anger management problem. You broke up with him because you saw an ad he had placed. Of course you said some harsh things! He betrayed your trust and was actively seeking companionship with someone else, so what explanation could he give that would have made it OK with you?
Ask yourself why you are so desperate to have this man and why you think you need him.
2006-10-30 01:01:13 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well really its not your fault.. and i dont really thing that he loves you enough that he would marry you, if he was he would solve the problem in a instant.. hey gurl just remember this dont always use your heart, sometimes you need to use ur brain. and balanced it out.. pls have respect for your self and i really thing that you deserve more from guys other than him..but also try to hear his side and maybe you can work something out... YES i can tell you that it will be really hard to get over him.. well its been 2 years so.. but he is not worth it until he changes.. trust me once u get over him and pass him. you would look back and see that his just a butt thats trying to break you...
2006-10-30 01:02:52 · answer #3 · answered by mike s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's some good advice. find someone who loves you more than you love them Not 80/20 in his favour or your favour for that matter (u'll end up thinking he's pathetic) but someone who values u more than u value urself. This guy doesn't need YOU. I can see that from where i'm standing. Don't u want to be treated like a queen-not a bus stop (yeah think abt that one)
2006-10-30 01:03:44 · answer #4 · answered by ashleigh n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're too desperate, no wonder he's looking the other way, and besides the fact that this guy sounds like a jerk and that he doesn't like you very much... you sound more posessive than in love to me saying that you need him and asking how to win him back
if you really love him just say you're sorry and you'd like to give a relationship another try then give him his space to make up his mind... if it's meant to be then he'll come back
2006-10-30 00:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by ooh baby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
many times anger problems stem from childhood and unless dealt with you are so much better off that it is over, go find a nice guy that will treat you right instead of getting into a abusive relationship where you might not get out of because you " love him so much"
move on
2006-10-30 00:55:10 · answer #6 · answered by rich2481 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've been there, done that. It took me about a year to get over him. Mine very much had anger issues plus was abusive. But life goes on and you will find another. It will be OK and you will look back on your relationship with him with nice thoughts but will not regret that it is over. I wish you well.
2006-10-30 00:56:03 · answer #7 · answered by Maggie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The question is: Do you really need him? Honestly, you need to just let things take its course and if it's met to be it will be. Do you want him back knowing that he has these problems? Nobody wants to be lonely. But, you don't deserve him treating you like that. GOOD LUCK!!
2006-10-30 00:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by loves2dream2003 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i cant beleive u would want an abusive azz back into ur life
find a good man
u dont have to dress like a hooker to snag one
this aint love anyway,,its obsesiviness,,and i think u might need phycological counseling u dont sound healthy
2006-10-30 00:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by native,pride 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you both need therapy. sounds like he never got anger management and so now you are going back on your demand. you are both addicted to the drama and it's not healthy.
2006-10-30 00:57:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋